I am becoming a crabby old crone annoyed by children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom of two middle schoolers, and generally, I agree with OP completely about other people's children.

While I sincerely love and care about my close friends' kids, (and by close friends, I mean people we vacation with or have known forever) most other kids under the age of 6 annoy the snot out of me. I'm not above shooting a dirty look at moms.

I spent a TON of time and energy teaching my children that public spaces are SHARED spaces and to respect other's rights in those areas.

They learned early on to not treat the grocery store, the library, or the mall like their private play area.

Parents who can't be bothered to teach their children this are not my people. Some parents truly think the world revolves around them and we all must suffer equally while their child has a tantrum in Target or runs around the restaurant or library at full speed screaming.

For this reason, I can barely even tolerate being around my in-law's kids.

+1

Exactly. I know parents who sit by and beam while their little sh&ts are the most abhorrent creatures - hitting other kids, grabbing, screaming, running roughshod at their whim in public spaces, as if they were in their own living room. OP, you will find that parents simply don't give their kids enough attention, and you can tell who they are by how they act. You owe them nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't think OP was a great mother. She sounds over bearing, controlling, and judgemental. Or maybe I just grew up with a mom exactly like OP and I know the dark sides to it.

Maybe the dark side is you - maybe you need to pay attention to your kids, so they aren't seeking outsiders attention so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can be like my mom who couldn't care less about her grandchild and never see them..

+1

Yup. Or DH's mom - it's all about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't think OP was a great mother. She sounds over bearing, controlling, and judgemental. Or maybe I just grew up with a mom exactly like OP and I know the dark sides to it.

Maybe the dark side is you - maybe you need to pay attention to your kids, so they aren't seeking outsiders attention so much.

Huh? My kid is a baby and hasnt really been around anyone thanks to Covid. I just had a mom who describes herself just like OP in her first sentence and it's not all sunshine and kittens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

Maybe I'm the only one who doesn't think OP was a great mother. She sounds over bearing, controlling, and judgemental. Or maybe I just grew up with a mom exactly like OP and I know the dark sides to it.

Maybe the dark side is you - maybe you need to pay attention to your kids, so they aren't seeking outsiders attention so much.

Huh? My kid is a baby and hasnt really been around anyone thanks to Covid. I just had a mom who describes herself just like OP in her first sentence and it's not all sunshine and kittens.

Oops sorry her second sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't and never have liked other people's kids even when I had my own.

As for how you'll be as a grandma I wouldn't sweat it too much there are all different types of awesome grandparents.

+1

Most parents think you find their grating, over the top and never corrected children delightful - that is on them, not you, OP.

If you were a very good parent, you will be a very good grandparent. As for those who sucked as parents - you can tell which - because they pretty much suck at being grandparents, too.

You will be fine, OP.

I can't really respect OP's judgment as a parent or care whether she thinks other people's children are badly behaved since OP revealed she wrote her kid's college admissions essays. You think you can judge other people's kids when your version of parenting includes cheating?

[Anonymous]

Op, it's perfectly ok to not be "a kid person" but you should have figured this out long ago. Guard against making this your unique thing. Micro-focusing on yourself is the bigger problem, We all have preferences. Nothing wrong with having yours.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're going to have to let go of your control issues if you want to be a good grandma. Your daughter and son in law ARE going to do things differently than you. This is the problem I see with your post. Not that you don't like annoying kids, but that you are a self admitted overbearing control freak. My mom was the same way. She wasn't a good grandmother for the first 2 years of DS' life. She continued her controlling and overbearing way on me. She pointed out the things I should do differently. She tried to get me to parent just like her when I didn't at all. Her parenting style made my life miserable at times. I DID NOT want to be like her. I almost had to cut her out of our lives because of how she treated me and my family. She got therapy and loosened up. Now she's an awesome grandparent and much less controlling.

So yeah OP. I don't think being annoyed by out of control kids is your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

And, where did she get accepted?

[Anonymous]

You're not a crabby old crone, OP! It's ok not to like being around young kids/families, and just to like your own kids but not particularly enjoy children in general, find all of them cute, etc. I have a toddler right now myself and feel more genuine appreciation for other families/young kids right now than I did before, but I also suspect that feeling will wane as my kid grows. That you're making the effort to be pleasant outwardly is the important thing IMO. That's what makes civilization work!

I will say I don't know that it's your anxiety 'at fault' here, though it probably plays a role. I also have anxiety, and am an older parent (in my 40s when my daughter was born) but I'm way more of a free range parent than you say you were. Not in letting my kid run wild to annoy people, mind, but in letting her climb on things, walk more than five feet away from me, make giant messes in the house (though I have to clean everything up before we go to bed every night or my mind feels like it will frazzle itself to death) that sort of thing. That's all just within our normal ways of looking at/living life differently.

Anyway, you are perfectly fine and normal. I am sure you'll love any grandchildren that come along. As my own mom once told me in perfect seriousness, "it's different when they're OUR OWN."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we need to talk about why you wrote her college essays.

Op. They were college admission essays. Still not defensible, I know.

And, where did she get accepted?

Op here. A lovely LAC that was more a bit more SLACK than SLAC, but still a good fit. Turns out intelligence is highly heritable 😉 - save your ACT prep dollars. I sincerely doubt my essays had any impact on her acceptance. She is doing well in grad school and is artistic, charismatic and has many endearing qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

Don't worry I'm sure they find you mildly irritating as well. And your young adult may not want kids or at least maybe when they have kids you will be too old to do anything ( or have your child expect any child care)

[Anonymous]

As long as you don't judge your grandchildren or your daughter's mothering, you'll be fine.

My mom hates baking and crafting with children. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am 59 and had my only child daughter at 37. I was/am an anxious, micro-managing helicopter/snowplow mother who read every child development book, enrolled dd in every possible enrichment, wrote her college essays, etc.- you get the picture. Despite my anxiety, her childhood/young adulthood has provided me with a deep, abiding sense of joy and purpose.

So why do I now find young children and families mildly irritating? I smile at them benevolently at restaurants, in public, etc., because I feel that this is somehow the maternal response children should elicit from me. I offer to help when I see a Mom overwhelmed dragging a infant car seat and a toddler, open doors, etc. but internally I feel sort of judgy and critical. Most children seem sort of rabbity, and not even cute, barring a few obviously adorable babies. I know they are children and not really badly behaved, but I secretly think their parents are mismanaging things. Letting toddler children run behind them in a market parking lot or climbing on things that could be dangerous. I think a lot of parents are tattooed and trashy, but I don’t feel superior, just sad that I’ve become an old harridan.

I look into the future and semi-dread the prospect of grandchildren- loads of worry all over again. Is this because of my anxiety or because I had my child so late in life? My mother was the stereotypical loving Grandma in an apron baking cookies, dog on the couch, messy crafts type. Maybe I can shake of the internal ugly and emulate her when the time comes. Any one else adore their child but are decidedly meh about kids in general?

Don't worry I'm sure they find you mildly irritating as well. And your young adult may not want kids or at least maybe when they have kids you will be too old to do anything ( or have your child expect any child care)

Is this a dig at people who have their kids in their upper 30s,? Weird.

My parents were 74 when my son was born. They were fully capable of babysitting.

[Anonymous]

Just know that the annoyances you feel toward others are definitely felt toward you. Because you only had one child, micromanaged them and are still this ineffectual.

I really hope you are getting more help for your anxiety.