Considering ending doula contract - advice wanted

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone, I'd really appreciate any advice as I'm having a hard time making a decision. I decided to hire a doula team in the fall because I was anxious about labor - going into labor, deciding when to go to the hospital, etc. The service has admittedly been pretty bare bones (other than some great classes they have offered), but I don't feel like I developed the personal relationship I would have hoped, and the few times I have had to come to them, I have sort of felt like they've questioned many things my doctor has said, which has caused my anxiety to actually heighten, rather than feel better. I trust my doctor and it's made me feel a little more overwhelmed than I would have felt otherwise.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant now, almost 35. My blood pressure has recently heightened and it looks like I'm going to need to be induced for an early deliver in 2.5 weeks even if it just stays where it is currently (if it raises again, I'll have to deliver immediately). I haven't scheduled my birth plan meeting with my doulas (which is usually at 36 weeks) and per the contract, it looks as though I can break it before week 36. Given that it seems I likely have to be induced, I'm not sure I feel like I need them in the way I thought I may need them at one point, since my birth will essentially be scheduled. The questioning of my doctors' medical opinion has kind of rubbed me the wrong way as well, and while I already deal with anxiety, I also don't want to be in a situation where I am further questioning the doctor's interventions when high blood pressure is already a risky thing.

I guess my point is, I hired the doulas to help alleviate anxiety, and now I'm questioning if they may cause more when I really just need to be hearing one voice right now. Should I cancel the contract? Or will I wish I had their support? I also feel like I've gained a better understanding of how supportive nurses can be, etc. in the delivery room as well. My husband will be there, as well, but he admittedly is kind of clueless about everything related to birth.

[Anonymous]

If they aren't helping you now and you feel like they will cause you stress in the delivery room than definitely cancel the contract. I found all my doctors to be very supportive when I had preeclampsia.

[Anonymous]

I had a great doula who made me and (more importantly in our case) my husband feel like we had someone backing us up in our decisions and helping us have the birth we wanted and our priorities and preferences were kept front and center. If you are not getting that, I do not see why you should continue in a contract with this doula.

Does your practice have a doula practice they recommend? I used the one my OB suggested and they had a great and mutually relationship which I think makes a huge difference...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

[Anonymous]

Go with your gut.

[Anonymous]

Check out your contract and see what cancellation entails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

+1, particularly since you're feeling so good about the care you've been getting from your docs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check out your contract and see what cancellation entails.

You could also share that you’re having a hard time with the arrangement and see if they can refer you out. Not sure what the right answer is for you but I would go to the language in your contract first.

[Anonymous]

I would fire them. I had a sort of similar situation, and the doula was pretty useless. To top it all off, she refused to come in when I called her and said I was in pain and needed her because "the midwife said you would be in labor for 24 more hours and I didn't want to make the midwife mad because I have to work with her in the future."

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your doctors think you are developing preeclampsia, and the doulas are undermining your doctors' advice about how to manage it. Is that right? In that case, I'd not only fire them, but also consider reporting them to your OBs/hospital after you have recovered from delivery.

If you're going to be induced, you also have zero need for a doula. The induction will be scheduled, and you'll have an epidural. There's literally no reason for them to be there, especially if they are going to be interfering. The labor and delivery nurses will help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your doctors think you are developing preeclampsia, and the doulas are undermining your doctors' advice about how to manage it. Is that right? In that case, I'd not only fire them, but also consider reporting them to your OBs/hospital after you have recovered from delivery.

If you're going to be induced, you also have zero need for a doula. The induction will be scheduled, and you'll have an epidural. There's literally no reason for them to be there, especially if they are going to be interfering. The labor and delivery nurses will help you.

I would not count on this. Make sure your husband is comfortable being a coach and advocate as well. Our nurses were extremely nice but not helpful, and they made one pretty huge mess up that needed to be corrected by the OB during pushing, so while a doula might not be the answer I would not rely 100% on the nurses.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like you mesh well with your doula group, and because of that I would cancel the contract. Birth is such a personal thing and you don't want an extra person in the room who will cause anxiety.

Personally I ate up all the stuff from the doula community about how OBs are terrible and force you into unnecessary medical interventions. It made me very anxious when I was at the hospital. I had a doula who was helpful while I was dealing with a lot of pain, but I also feel like there are other things that would have been better if I had not come in with this distrust of the doctors. I didn't like the OB I got (hadn't met her before) and maybe it was just her personality, but I also think her sensing the distrust rubbed her the wrong way. And I think the hospital changed my nurse when they saw I had a doula from one that seemed amazing to one that was meh. I dunno.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

+1, particularly since you're feeling so good about the care you've been getting from your docs.

+1
In retrospect I found having a postpartum doula so much more helpful than a birth doula.

[Anonymous]

You don’t want to stress about this on delivery day. Trust your gut.

If you’re comfortable, would you mind sharing which doula service this is? I’m shopping around right now. I’m finding that the independent doulas are already booked into September.

[Anonymous]

Go with your gut. Cancel the contract. Personally I wouldn’t spend money on a doula. Delivery is temporary. If anything I would spend money on a post partum doula first two weeks or a night nurse.