Considering ending doula contract - advice wanted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your doctors think you are developing preeclampsia, and the doulas are undermining your doctors' advice about how to manage it. Is that right? In that case, I'd not only fire them, but also consider reporting them to your OBs/hospital after you have recovered from delivery.

If you're going to be induced, you also have zero need for a doula. The induction will be scheduled, and you'll have an epidural. There's literally no reason for them to be there, especially if they are going to be interfering. The labor and delivery nurses will help you.

I would not count on this. Make sure your husband is comfortable being a coach and advocate as well. Our nurses were extremely nice but not helpful, and they made one pretty huge mess up that needed to be corrected by the OB during pushing, so while a doula might not be the answer I would not rely 100% on the nurses.

nurses are actually medical professionals- they are not interchangeable with doulas. you don’t necessarily need a “coach and advocate” especially with an induction and epidural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi everyone, I'd really appreciate any advice as I'm having a hard time making a decision. I decided to hire a doula team in the fall because I was anxious about labor - going into labor, deciding when to go to the hospital, etc. The service has admittedly been pretty bare bones (other than some great classes they have offered), but I don't feel like I developed the personal relationship I would have hoped, and the few times I have had to come to them, I have sort of felt like they've questioned many things my doctor has said, which has caused my anxiety to actually heighten, rather than feel better. I trust my doctor and it's made me feel a little more overwhelmed than I would have felt otherwise.

I'm 34 weeks pregnant now, almost 35. My blood pressure has recently heightened and it looks like I'm going to need to be induced for an early deliver in 2.5 weeks even if it just stays where it is currently (if it raises again, I'll have to deliver immediately). I haven't scheduled my birth plan meeting with my doulas (which is usually at 36 weeks) and per the contract, it looks as though I can break it before week 36. Given that it seems I likely have to be induced, I'm not sure I feel like I need them in the way I thought I may need them at one point, since my birth will essentially be scheduled. The questioning of my doctors' medical opinion has kind of rubbed me the wrong way as well, and while I already deal with anxiety, I also don't want to be in a situation where I am further questioning the doctor's interventions when high blood pressure is already a risky thing.

I guess my point is, I hired the doulas to help alleviate anxiety, and now I'm questioning if they may cause more when I really just need to be hearing one voice right now. Should I cancel the contract? Or will I wish I had their support? I also feel like I've gained a better understanding of how supportive nurses can be, etc. in the delivery room as well. My husband will be there, as well, but he admittedly is kind of clueless about everything related to birth.

I had a doula who clashed with my dr and husband and it was HELL. Also I've had two natural births and two medicated, one induction. If you get induced, a doula is worthless. You will get an epidural and likely a c section. I would cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your doctors think you are developing preeclampsia, and the doulas are undermining your doctors' advice about how to manage it. Is that right? In that case, I'd not only fire them, but also consider reporting them to your OBs/hospital after you have recovered from delivery.

If you're going to be induced, you also have zero need for a doula. The induction will be scheduled, and you'll have an epidural. There's literally no reason for them to be there, especially if they are going to be interfering. The labor and delivery nurses will help you.

I would not count on this. Make sure your husband is comfortable being a coach and advocate as well. Our nurses were extremely nice but not helpful, and they made one pretty huge mess up that needed to be corrected by the OB during pushing, so while a doula might not be the answer I would not rely 100% on the nurses.

nurses are actually medical professionals- they are not interchangeable with doulas. you don’t necessarily need a “coach and advocate” especially with an induction and epidural.

I didn’t say they were interchangeable, or that they weren’t medical professionals. I said they did not give me a lot of help. Nor were they present for most of the labor process before, during, or after my epidural.

[Anonymous]

I had a lot of interventions and my doula was our sanity saver. She was an additional support person. I credit her with my medically intense birth not being as traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a lot of interventions and my doula was our sanity saver. She was an additional support person. I credit her with my medically intense birth not being as traumatic.

She stayed with me much longer than contracted for during an intended med free birth that gradually slid to epidural, pitocin, bag of water rupture, and epidural. I tore too. Yay! She kept my husband emotionally steady during a days long labor part by phone, mostly in person. Our nurses and doc were wonderful, but they have multiple patients and can’t be there much.

An induced birth is still birthing. You may have ease, you may want more time than staff has, and your husband may need to break for sleep or food.

[Anonymous]

Cancel. You need to feel comfortable with these folks and like they have your back, and it sounds like that is not the case. If you are heading for induction, a doula won't be much help. Put the money into a postpartum doula. Labor is fast and temporary. Having support in those early days of recovery and new parenthood is ultimately more important than support during labor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel. You need to feel comfortable with these folks and like they have your back, and it sounds like that is not the case. If you are heading for induction, a doula won't be much help. Put the money into a postpartum doula. Labor is fast and temporary. Having support in those early days of recovery and new parenthood is ultimately more important than support during labor.

Eh if you are nursing and have a sleepy baby postpartum doulas are not that useful. Also it's just as important to mesh with a postpartum doula. Mine gave me lactivist advice that made things more stressful. I would wait on committing to that.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel. You need to feel comfortable with these folks and like they have your back, and it sounds like that is not the case. If you are heading for induction, a doula won't be much help. Put the money into a postpartum doula. Labor is fast and temporary. Having support in those early days of recovery and new parenthood is ultimately more important than support during labor.

Eh if you are nursing and have a sleepy baby postpartum doulas are not that useful. Also it's just as important to mesh with a postpartum doula. Mine gave me lactivist advice that made things more stressful. I would wait on committing to that.
.

Just saying that it’s less of a waste of money than a doula for labor. Personally I would get a night nurse if I had extra cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cancel. You need to feel comfortable with these folks and like they have your back, and it sounds like that is not the case. If you are heading for induction, a doula won't be much help. Put the money into a postpartum doula. Labor is fast and temporary. Having support in those early days of recovery and new parenthood is ultimately more important than support during labor.

Eh if you are nursing and have a sleepy baby postpartum doulas are not that useful. Also it's just as important to mesh with a postpartum doula. Mine gave me lactivist advice that made things more stressful. I would wait on committing to that.
.

Just saying that it’s less of a waste of money than a doula for labor. Personally I would get a night nurse if I had extra cash.

PP here I had both and the labor doula was more useful. It so depends on your labor and your baby but with postpartum you can typically wait until you have your to decide.

[Anonymous]

Cancel it. My doula was a natural birth advocate and had an agenda. Unfortunately, this is pretty common. I’m still bitter about the wasted grand I spent to have basically a stranger watch my birth. Trust your care providers.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are working with a doula practice not a solo person? In that case, I would ask if they have anyone with experience supporting high risk/medical pregnancies. As someone who gave birth at 29w, I think a doula with experience supporting in those circumstances can be amazing, but someone who is just giving you the same answers as they would a person with a low-risk pregnancy is not useful. Another option might be asking if they can switch their services to postpartum. In any case, you should definitely follow your gut, you want the people supporting you to be people like and trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

+1, particularly since you're feeling so good about the care you've been getting from your docs.

+1
In retrospect I found having a postpartum doula so much more helpful than a birth doula.

+100 on this. To be clear I didn’t have a doula at all but having kids now I find all the focus on the birth to be pointless. The idea that you are in control...well as soon as you have any complication you are not. Being a first time mom in my son’s first 2 weeks was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In retrospect having help THEN would have been the best thing I could have done for my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

+1, particularly since you're feeling so good about the care you've been getting from your docs.

+1
In retrospect I found having a postpartum doula so much more helpful than a birth doula.

+100 on this. To be clear I didn’t have a doula at all but having kids now I find all the focus on the birth to be pointless. The idea that you are in control...well as soon as you have any complication you are not. Being a first time mom in my son’s first 2 weeks was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In retrospect having help THEN would have been the best thing I could have done for my family.

But OP is under no obligation to make a decision now on a postpartum doula, and every baby is different. Many newborns (obviously not all) are very sleepy, and if you are nursing the postpartum doula can't help much with feeding, they aren't a lactation consultant and only do "light" housework. Don't commit to something you may not need.

[Anonymous]

Also if the doula group is causing anxiety now that's not going to be helpful in the newborn days anymore than it will be during labor and delivery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the doula service is causing you more stress and anxiety than it is relieving. And relieving your stress and worry is literally the point of hiring said services. So if I were you I would end the contract.

+1