In laws suddenly snubbing me after a decade

[Anonymous]

We’ve always had a good relationship. I don’t have any parents and they’ve always been good to my daughter and I. (Blended family) The last few months they’ve stopped calling, emailing, texting me and are just contacting DH directly. He thinks nothing of it and thinks it means nothing but it seems strange to me. They even sent the kids gift cards to his email instead of our shared one they normally use. We haven’t seen them in a couple of years so I can’t even think of anything that I could have done to warrant this change. Just let it go?

[Anonymous]

If you truly can't think of any way that you might have offended them, then I would just pick up the phone and call them. Assume all is well, keep your tone upbeat, and just let them know you are calling to hear their voice and to check in. Sometimes it's just about taking the initiative.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps they heard you were really busy and don't want to bother you?

[Anonymous]

Why do you have a shared email?

[Anonymous]

did you forget anything important? Did you post anything to social media that would have offended them or made them feel left out? Are your political views different from theirs and you are vocal about your views on social media?

[Anonymous]

You haven't seen them in a couple of years, is this normal?

If this is a change then maybe they blame you for that. There is also a lot of change in how people are told to handle things and most of the information now is to go through your child rather than the inlaw.

I think not sending the card to the shared email is a little over the top and I think you are right that something is up.

You could ring them to catch up and say you haven't spoken in a while. If they are normal that's great, if they are upset, you'll probably be able to tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a shared email?

You’ve never had anything where you’d both want to get an email about something (school, activities, etc.) and there’s just room for one email?

My DW and I have one but it just forwards to our individual emails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a shared email?

I’m not the OP and I’ve never had a shared email account with my spouse but c’mom, you can’t think of one reason a couple would share an email account?

OP, give them a call and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Ask DH if he told them he’s filing for divorce.

[Anonymous]

I hope this isn’t true for you, but my in laws have been radicalized the past couple years by Fox News, Newsmax, etc. Our previous 15 years of a great relationship has deteriorated over the past year or so. I’m sure the pandemic and not seeing each other over (just once in the last year) contributes. But I think they’re mad at us for something (staying away when they live their lives pretty normally? Voting for Biden? Something more- whatever QAnon told them we did??)

[Anonymous]

If you did dor say something that upset and offended them, and this is how they handle it? Well then. Carry on and don't sweat it. If they want to be grown-ups and talk it through, great. If not, then there is no need for you to over-invest in these people.

Be cordial, live your life. Invest in mature, caring, fair people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a shared email?

You’ve never had anything where you’d both want to get an email about something (school, activities, etc.) and there’s just room for one email?

My DW and I have one but it just forwards to our individual emails.

Omg, why I have not thought of this?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing that you have somehow unknowingly offended them. Could your kids have said something that you said? And your husband might have said something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have a shared email?

You’ve never had anything where you’d both want to get an email about something (school, activities, etc.) and there’s just room for one email?

My DW and I have one but it just forwards to our individual emails.

Omg, why I have not thought of this?

OP here. Yes this is what we do just because it’s easier to put one at the doctor, school, etc. As to the rest, my in laws live in another country, so it’s been longer than normal since we’ve seen them due to Covid. I don’t use social media so it’s not that. It’s not politics because they’re not here. We use WhatsApp, FaceTime, etc to communicate regularly or at least used to before this change. I’m not sure what to make of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you did dor say something that upset and offended them, and this is how they handle it? Well then. Carry on and don't sweat it. If they want to be grown-ups and talk it through, great. If not, then there is no need for you to over-invest in these people.

Be cordial, live your life. Invest in mature, caring, fair people.

This was my first thought too. Social media maybe?

I'd just keep being nice - invitations, scheduling zoom calls for the kids, sending gifts on holidays, whatever - and not expect any reciprocity.