Friend Mom Shaming Me

[Anonymous]

I have a baby who is a little over 4 months old. Things were really hard in the beginning with breastfeeding, weight issues, and sleep. I ended up pumping and then switching to formula at 4 months. I ended up sleep training at 4 months. I have a friend who has a baby a little older than mine. She had been posting on social media or making comments to me on how glad she is that she didn’t give on breastfeeding or how she would never sleep train, etc. It’s like she constantly does these things and I feel like she purposely does it to take digs at me. I’m not sure why but I feel like she thinks she is better than me or maybe wants to make herself feel that way. It’s been upsetting and I’m thinking of distancing myself from her. My husband tells me all the time how I’m doing amazing and that her opinion doesn’t matter. We have to do what works for us and our family. It still upsets me and I don’t really know how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Distance yourself from her. Do what’s best for for your family.

[Anonymous]

Stop giving her information, then she will have nothing to judge.

[Anonymous]

DH here. Breastfeeding makes no difference. And sleep training is good for everyone’s sanity, which benefits the baby, too, as does the baby’s ability to fall back asleep.

You’re doing the right things. Your friend is a dumb bitch right now. Probably hormones. Snooze or hide her on Facebook, and find a new friend. Done.

[Anonymous]

She is posting on social media to brag, boast, get attention and applause. Her posts are not directed at you. Her comments to you directly are to make her feel good/superior about herself at your expense. This behavior is juvenile and obnoxious in my opinion.
Who wants to be friends with someone that makes parenting an infant a competition? Not me. I prefer friends that are supportive without being judgmental.
It sounds like you need reassurance that you are doing a good job taking care of your baby. Just because someone else does things differently doesn’t mean one of you is more right or better than the other.

[Anonymous]

OP, this isn’t that hard:

Stop following her on social media. Mute her.
Stop giving her details about what you’re doing.

Or best of all, you could just tell her to stop:
“Sally, you and I will each make the decision that is best for our family. Please stop with the comments about breastfeeding, sleep, etc. You come off as judgmental, and that’s not good for our friendship.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t that hard:

Stop following her on social media. Mute her.
Stop giving her details about what you’re doing.

Or best of all, you could just tell her to stop:
“Sally, you and I will each make the decision that is best for our family. Please stop with the comments about breastfeeding, sleep, etc. You come off as judgmental, and that’s not good for our friendship.”

No, do NOT confront her about it, that will just invite further debate and competition.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don’t regret stopping breastfeeding or sleep training. I have more time with my baby, getting good sleep, and my baby is much happier now that he is getting good sleep. His night sleep was good but he was taking short naps and wanted to be held for naps most of the time. Now he sleeps only wakes up ones to eat is taking solid naps in his crib.

I do try to ignore but I don’t want to say anything because I know she will know that it got to me.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think this woman is your friend?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you are being sensitive. You don't seem confident in your choices yet. Every family is different. What works for one may not work for another. Acknowledge that. As long as your friend isn't blataantly saying you are a bad parent I think some of this is in your head.

Distance would likely do you good. As much as I hate people like your friend who put their whole life and choices on social media I still recognize some of this is fomo and lacking confidence in your own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don’t regret stopping breastfeeding or sleep training. I have more time with my baby, getting good sleep, and my baby is much happier now that he is getting good sleep. His night sleep was good but he was taking short naps and wanted to be held for naps most of the time. Now he sleeps only wakes up ones to eat is taking solid naps in his crib.

I do try to ignore but I don’t want to say anything because I know she will know that it got to me.

And do you go on social media and broadcast this? I am betting you don’t. Because you are happy and things are going well. It’s the same for moms who make different choices than you but are happy with them as well. No need to post it on social media.

Your friend? She is miserable. This is what moms do when they are unhappy with what they are doing but are too down on themselves to make changes. They post to bolster themselves up. They post because they need the pick me up to keep going in their misery. The likes and the comments give them a little something to hold on to as they slog through.

[Anonymous]

Stop following her social media. Distance. Your baby is normal and it will be OK. You do what you have to do to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this isn’t that hard:

Stop following her on social media. Mute her.
Stop giving her details about what you’re doing.

Or best of all, you could just tell her to stop:
“Sally, you and I will each make the decision that is best for our family. Please stop with the comments about breastfeeding, sleep, etc. You come off as judgmental, and that’s not good for our friendship.”

No, do NOT confront her about it, that will just invite further debate and competition.

If she really is a good friend, then she would stop. So there’s the answer, OP: If you think this will embolden the “friend,” then she really isn’t a friend. She’s someone you’ve spent time with and had some things in common. Time to move on. No one has time for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you are being sensitive. You don't seem confident in your choices yet. Every family is different. What works for one may not work for another. Acknowledge that. As long as your friend isn't blataantly saying you are a bad parent I think some of this is in your head.

Distance would likely do you good. As much as I hate people like your friend who put their whole life and choices on social media I still recognize some of this is fomo and lacking confidence in your own choices.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is posting on social media to brag, boast, get attention and applause. Her posts are not directed at you. Her comments to you directly are to make her feel good/superior about herself at your expense. This behavior is juvenile and obnoxious in my opinion.
Who wants to be friends with someone that makes parenting an infant a competition? Not me. I prefer friends that are supportive without being judgmental.
It sounds like you need reassurance that you are doing a good job taking care of your baby. Just because someone else does things differently doesn’t mean one of you is more right or better than the other.

+1
She's insecure.