DD on her screens all the time now - should I let it go?
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Anonymous
| Before the pandemic, we were a relatively screen-free family. Screen time was limited to moderation (not excessively) and we spent a lot of time together or separately doing sports, playing board games, eating together, reading. My daughter, now 13, had an old cracked iPhone that she didn't like to use much, and she wasn't interested in social media. But in the past two months, accelerated by the lockdown and a new iPhone, she's been on her devices *all.the.time*. Literally, every minute of the day she is on some screen (including online school) until she goes to bed at 10 and then she reads on her Kindle for a while. She watches so much crap on TikTok and the videos sent by her friends it drives me nuts. I've tried all the usual tricks to get her to moderate (wifi controls, Apple Screentime, exercise/chore conditions) but somehow she always ends up watching inane crap. She has almost stopped seeing her friends in person (they used to go on walks or sit in someone's yard), and hardly gets any exercise. I'm on her case about it all the time now, but she just wants to be left alone. I don't want to make her quarantine harder than it already is. She's a good kid in general, she does her school work, she does her chores. She just wants to check out for a while, and I get it, I truly do. But I also worry that this is an unhealthy lifelong habit in the making. What's a good mom to do? |
Anonymous
| Op I could have written the same post except that my son is 16. I look forward to responses. |
Anonymous
| We expect a reading break, exercise break and musical instrument break plus none at family meals. Are you sure she isn't seeing friends because the friends say no? We don't allow ours to see friends even outside so when you send your kid to our house trying to get a break, they get immediately sent home. Our open door policy is now very closed till Covid is better. |
Anonymous
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I have an 11 and 13 year old and I definitely take their screens away during parts of the day. Yesterday they were in school until 3 (online) and then jumped on to play Among Us with a group of friends until 4:30. I took their phones until 7:30 when they could check and respond to friends till 8.
Screens are so addictive. If I didn’t take it away they wouldn’t leave the house some days or do anything but tap away. I want them to read, create, move. It’s okay to put limits, op. She may fight back, but if you’re clear and consistent about them, she will understand. |
Anonymous
| I’d let it go until this bad weather is behind us, at least. What else is she supposed to do? |
Anonymous
| No, I don’t allow this. I also don’t give kids that young a brand new phone. I allow 90 minutes of free screen time per day. |
Anonymous
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My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok. |
Anonymous
Pray tell about this inanity filter you’ve discovered. |
Anonymous
NP-- I guess I'd expect a suggestion of "let it go" from a grown adult who can't think of anything else to do during bad weather. In any event, there look to be a few random nicer days sprinkled in the week, and seems like we'll have warmer and drier weather within 2 weeks. So even if you follow this advice, OP, you should still be ready to make changes very very soon. |
Anonymous
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My DD is only 10, but contrary to her 15 year old brother, who likes to take a break to read, she has abandoned all pretense at doing anything other than screen-related activities. The problem is that all her friends are online constantly and this is her source of socialization.
We have cracked down, primarily because her eyesight has become fuzzy in the last few weeks and even before going to the ophthalmologist, we know she needs new glasses. Currently she's not allowed to use screens at all until school starts at 9am - previously she used to watch videos and chat with friends from 6 am to 9am. Then after school, I require her to do something not screen related for a portion of the afternoon, and there are no screens after dinner. I think I need to restrict her even more, but I will need to bribe her. Suggestions for bribes welcome! |
Anonymous
| We used our network app (Xfinity) to auto lock my daughter's devices. She locked out from 10pm-8am. Including streaming on the living room tv once we go to bed. She's sleeping more this way. |
Anonymous
My rules and their word? |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes I did that too, and we lock wifi too from 10pm-9am. We don't allow screens upstairs anyway. My concern is all the rest of the time from 9am-10pm. |
Anonymous
Yep, we cut off internet access after a certain time, and during dinner time, too. That's always been the case. I'd cut your kid some slack, though, during the day. It sucks. Not only is there a pandemic, but it's too cold outside to just hang out a lot. My kids have tried a few times to be outside with friends, but most don't seem to want to. Having stated that, I make my kids take breaks, and go outside , weather permitting, for minimum of 30min.. get some fresh air and exercise. |
Anonymous
OP here. I see where you're coming from PP, and I too have blocked various websites that are particularly inane, and I'm also strict about the types of video games the kids can play. But there is an unlimited supply of inanity on the internet, and even when I block stuff (she only gets 15 minutes a day on Tiktok for example), her friends send her recordings through chat apps. Are you really able to filter out all the stupid stuff? |