DD on her screens all the time now - should I let it go?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We expect a reading break, exercise break and musical instrument break plus none at family meals. Are you sure she isn't seeing friends because the friends say no? We don't allow ours to see friends even outside so when you send your kid to our house trying to get a break, they get immediately sent home. Our open door policy is now very closed till Covid is better.


OP here. Only one friend has restrictions on outside gatherings, the other families are in the same boat, I know because I talk to the other parents and they for the most part are also trying to encourage their daughters to get off their phones and meet in person.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We expect a reading break, exercise break and musical instrument break plus none at family meals. Are you sure she isn't seeing friends because the friends say no? We don't allow ours to see friends even outside so when you send your kid to our house trying to get a break, they get immediately sent home. Our open door policy is now very closed till Covid is better.


OP here. Only one friend has restrictions on outside gatherings, the other families are in the same boat, I know because I talk to the other parents and they for the most part are also trying to encourage their daughters to get off their phones and meet in person.


The friends are likely also spending much of the day on screens.

My kids have sports practice every day and spend some time reading. There is still an insane amount of time left for screens.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We expect a reading break, exercise break and musical instrument break plus none at family meals. Are you sure she isn't seeing friends because the friends say no? We don't allow ours to see friends even outside so when you send your kid to our house trying to get a break, they get immediately sent home. Our open door policy is now very closed till Covid is better.


OP here. Only one friend has restrictions on outside gatherings, the other families are in the same boat, I know because I talk to the other parents and they for the most part are also trying to encourage their daughters to get off their phones and meet in person.


I started a thread about 12 year old girls yesterday and this has been my observation, too. They don’t seem to care at all about seeing each other in person, even when they’re allowed to. They’re totally content, if not way more comfortable, with the screen interactions.
Anonymous
I'm having the same struggle. 10 year old is super extra social and when she is online she is laughing and interacting with her friends. I feel bad limiting her but the screens are becoming like an appendage. I am slowly dialing the unfettered access back and I'm hoping that as the weather gets nicer and the days get longer it will be easier.

13 year old DD would be a hermit if I let her. I know it's a combination of her introverted personality and her age but she would stay in her room on screens 24/7 if I let her. She is now forced to walk the dog 1x per day but man its tough to get her outside.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm having the same struggle. 10 year old is super extra social and when she is online she is laughing and interacting with her friends. I feel bad limiting her but the screens are becoming like an appendage. I am slowly dialing the unfettered access back and I'm hoping that as the weather gets nicer and the days get longer it will be easier.

13 year old DD would be a hermit if I let her. I know it's a combination of her introverted personality and her age but she would stay in her room on screens 24/7 if I let her. She is now forced to walk the dog 1x per day but man its tough to get her outside.


I could have written the same thing about my 10 yo. I make her take breaks to read, write or do anything offline, but it's still an awful lot of screentime.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We expect a reading break, exercise break and musical instrument break plus none at family meals. Are you sure she isn't seeing friends because the friends say no? We don't allow ours to see friends even outside so when you send your kid to our house trying to get a break, they get immediately sent home. Our open door policy is now very closed till Covid is better.


OP here. Only one friend has restrictions on outside gatherings, the other families are in the same boat, I know because I talk to the other parents and they for the most part are also trying to encourage their daughters to get off their phones and meet in person.


I started a thread about 12 year old girls yesterday and this has been my observation, too. They don’t seem to care at all about seeing each other in person, even when they’re allowed to. They’re totally content, if not way more comfortable, with the screen interactions.


My DD is in hybrid school so half the week she sees her friends at school. She's very social so I let her do a lot of screentime talking to her friends before that because she wasn't having much interaction with them in person. But even when she started school, she'd still want to get straight back on the computer after school interacting with screens. It is really addictive.
Anonymous
My (almost) 11 year old always has had time limits, but for a while there, I thought I would try taking off the limits, to see what she does. At the end of a week of experimentation, my DD begged me to put her limits back on, because she was spending all her free time on a screen, and she wasn't able to self regulate. She gets 2 hours of screen time, daily, which is A LOT, after spending all day long on a screen, for school.

I think that part of the reason she wasn't on screens so much pre-pandemic, is because her non-school time was packed with other activities, and some days, we didn't even get home until 9:30 PM. So, we decided to put her in more activities, so that while that's technically screen time, it is more productive than say, Roblox, or watching a million YouTube videos.

For the last two months, she has been taking art classes through Outschool. When that ends, I will sign her up for more art classes that she wants to do. One thing I've noticed is that the class kind of acts as a prompt for her to do more, during her free time. We also got her a membership at the Rec center, so she can swim (OP, your DD is old enough to use their equipment as well), because she is injured, and unable to do her normal sport. This week (today, actually), she starts an extra violin class once a week; while that basically takes the place of her normal daily practice, it also gives her more social interaction with kids that have similar interests, and guided practice tends to be beneficial to her.

Anyway, it's my long-winded way of saying that you should probably explore ways in which you can keep your child engaged past their school time, even if it is with more online activities, because at least those would play to her interests, and not be the usual nonsense.
Anonymous
Some parents here have mentioned physically taking away screens during certain times of the day (I'm not taking about nighttime here, that's a given.) Does anyone do this for kids 13+? I feel that I need to teach her to self-regulate at this point, without physically taking the phone away. But maybe I should reconsider? I let my 15yo so keep his phone at all times during the day but he is better about parking it on a shelf when he doesn't need it.
Anonymous
What counts as screen time? My DD loves drawing on her iPad (she used some tools that hard to replicate in physical art). I want to push her out but same times it’s better than internet trash
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Pray tell about this inanity filter you’ve discovered.


My rules and their word?


OP here. I see where you're coming from PP, and I too have blocked various websites that are particularly inane, and I'm also strict about the types of video games the kids can play. But there is an unlimited supply of inanity on the internet, and even when I block stuff (she only gets 15 minutes a day on Tiktok for example), her friends send her recordings through chat apps. Are you really able to filter out all the stupid stuff?


PP with rules and no filter (lol) here. I guess I don't actually have experience with the real problems you all are talking about, because my kid's 10 and doesn't really have online friends, so there's less pressure toward inanity.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Sure. All the moms who say things like this have the kids who are doing the most inane crap online, because mom is naive.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Pray tell about this inanity filter you’ve discovered.


My rules and their word?


OP here. I see where you're coming from PP, and I too have blocked various websites that are particularly inane, and I'm also strict about the types of video games the kids can play. But there is an unlimited supply of inanity on the internet, and even when I block stuff (she only gets 15 minutes a day on Tiktok for example), her friends send her recordings through chat apps. Are you really able to filter out all the stupid stuff?


PP with rules and no filter (lol) here. I guess I don't actually have experience with the real problems you all are talking about, because my kid's 10 and doesn't really have online friends, so there's less pressure toward inanity.


Ah, yes. Come back in 2 or 3 years and let us know how it’s going.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Sure. All the moms who say things like this have the kids who are doing the most inane crap online, because mom is naive.


The fact is not all kids and teens are going to be obsessed with screens or do these things online. I don't know why so many act like it's a given.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Sure. All the moms who say things like this have the kids who are doing the most inane crap online, because mom is naive.


The fact is not all kids and teens are going to be obsessed with screens or do these things online. I don't know why so many act like it's a given.


I would hope it’s not a given, but the situation over the past year has made it exponentially harder to stave off. Some of the devices and some of the apps/games are addictive by design, and when we’ve told them for the past year to do all of their schooling and socializing on these devices for their own safety, things just got a lot more complicated.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My whole family is on screens all day long, after being a pretty strict screen-free household pre-pandemic.
What I don't allow is inane activities and websites. What I don't allow is any time whatsoever on Tiktok.


Sure. All the moms who say things like this have the kids who are doing the most inane crap online, because mom is naive.


The fact is not all kids and teens are going to be obsessed with screens or do these things online. I don't know why so many act like it's a given.


I would hope it’s not a given, but the situation over the past year has made it exponentially harder to stave off. Some of the devices and some of the apps/games are addictive by design, and when we’ve told them for the past year to do all of their schooling and socializing on these devices for their own safety, things just got a lot more complicated.


We are kind of giving them mixed messages aren't we? Before pandemic it was -- screentime is bad, don't do any. Then school went remote, it became -- forget that, now it's school so I really need you to concentrate on that screen! Hey, here's a math game that your teacher wants you to play, which is a lot like the games I didn't want you to playing online before, but now it's for school, so it's ok.

I suppose a teen can understand the reasons but my younger kid gets confused!
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