bday ONE day before Kinderg. cutoff

[Anonymous]

Okay-i've read all of the 'red-shirting dcum posts', read the research articles, blah, blah, blah...but I haven't heard from parents like me that would most CERTAINLY have the youngest child in the class. This is not a spring, summer bday this is a bday falling on Sept.29th for a Sept. 30th cutoff. If he stayed in utero just another day or so he'd be going 1 year later.

I have a smart, calm 4-year old boy that does extremely well in his Montessori school and has TONS of friends. He's always been sort of a leader. He is also in the 90-95% growth/weight. However, I notice (as his mom) that he can be 'babyish' at times---can cry easily or get frustrated. For K next year--I really could go either way but I am haunted by the '4-year old" in K, 17-year old college freshmen thing.

On one hand-- I worry that he could get too bored academically if I hold him back (and then have behavioral issues stemming from the boredom). On the other hand- I don't want him to be the youngest and not have the 'emotional' skills to deal with school.

I also feel like are county schools are very aggressive and tough school system and I'd rather let him have 1 more year to just be a kid before the rat race of the school system begins.

So--for those of you literally on the cusp (not August, july, june, april, etc bdays)--but those in Sept. What are you doing???? PLEASE HELP THIS NEUROTIC MOM!

DH was a sept bday and he was held back and is wildly successful--so he really is pushing for the redshirt.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor's DS has a 9/28 birthday. She sent him on time in FCPS and he's now a third grader in a GT Center. She never even considered holding him back, he was ready and she sent him. She was actually grateful he wasn't born after the cutoff! Like your DS, he was also very tall for his age and he was academically doing very well. He had also been in daycare from a young age and was used to the all day school.

[Anonymous]

Just remember, there is also a child born October 1, and that mom is having the same anxiety you are (being the oldest is not always an advantage).

There will be others who are younger, so it's not that your child will be ONLY among children a year older. Your child will have 4-5 kids within a few months of his age.

[Anonymous]

My DS was born in Sept. and was past the cut off for private school (9/1) but I would have held him back if we had gone public, as well. Just as you describe, he is tall and academically prepared, but needed a little time to work on emotional maturity (crying when he gets frustrated, etc). Those who advocate sending kids on often say that you're sending a message that the child can't keep up, but I have a friend who sent her dc on and the child ended up having to repeat kindergarten. Not the end of the world, but much worse for the kid's psyche, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just remember, there is also a child born October 1, and that mom is having the same anxiety you are (being the oldest is not always an advantage).

There will be others who are younger, so it's not that your child will be ONLY among children a year older. Your child will have 4-5 kids within a few months of his age.

Its not the same anxiety. If the child is born Oct. 1, the parent doesn't have a choice.

OP, I would hold your son back. My son is in the same boat and we're holding him back.

[Anonymous]

My son was born on the cut-off day and I was given the option. I gave him the extra year and yes he got bored at times but I took him to the library and got extra things for him. Turned out he had a very high IQ but still do not regret giving him the extra time.

[Anonymous]

My child is a Sept 1 b-day- the cut off for MCPS. I have no intentions of holding her back. The cut off is there for a reason. There will always be some kids that are older and some kids that are younger in EVERY situation. I was the youngest in my class (Nov. b-day) and my brother the oldest. We both manged just fine and have grown up to be successful, functioning adults. Just because you are the oldest doesn't mean you are the "best" reader, writer or whatever.

[Anonymous]

OP, all you are going to get here are "I held my kid back and want to validate my decision so you should hold yours back".

If your kid is bright and energetic (and you indicate big); if the teachers say he is ready, there is no reason to hold back. You can always revisit down the road if there are issues.

[Anonymous]

OP here-- thanks for all of the responses--keep them coming!

my sister has 3 teenagers 9all boys) in the area--one missed the cutoff by 3 days; his brother 1 year younger was an August bday. The one that was the 'oldest' kid in class is the one that has been floundering the most---now at 16/17 he won't apply himself (he's capable, but just won't do the work; grades are suffering). Meanwhile, the younger one that is one of the youngest in his class (now 15) is a highly motivated 'A" student and an outstanding athlete (varsity as a freshmen)...so I do know age alone isn't a guarantee to success....

it just makes it a more difficult decision when were this close because you want to give them every chance possible and not have any of those 'what if' moments down the road. So I do appreciate the personal stories and decisions. I am of the mindset "it's easier to move up a grade--then to have them repeat a grade" so that weighs heavily in my mind too.

[Anonymous]

I have a cuttoff child too - she's the youngest and is in middle school now. I know this is no help but here's the deal - you will always doubt yourself. Every time your child succeeds you will say "See? we were right to send". Then every time he/she struggles you will say "See? we should have held." Mine is smack in the middle of everything developmentally, academically, athletically. It is what it is and I could drive myself crazy playing the What If game.

Ultimately you and the child will adjust and make the best of the decision. There is no right, there is no wrong. Just make a decision and roll with it. Someone is always the youngest and someone is always the oldest. We can't predict the future so we do the best with what we have. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

do you have the option of keeping your child in Montessori this year and deciding next year to enter him in either K or 1st? It is incredible what a few months sometimes does for maturity.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with you OP.

I have Sept 28th g/b twins.
Son is ahead academically (reading, writing at 3). Doesn't get frustrated easily. Current teacher says he's the "perfect" preschool student---listens immediately, sits attentively, follows all instructions, gets along with others. However, physically he's small for his size and has some anxiety with new situations. He can be clingy to me and whiny. Very whiny.

Daughter has NO interest in academics. Could care less about letters let alone putting them together. Frustrates easily---lots of fits and tantrums. However, socially she's very confident--fits in immediately in all new social situations and takes charge of the situations. Advanced fine motor skills. On the taller size for her age.

One week we're sure we're going to send them on time to K, the next we're convinced we need to hold them. I'm seriously loosing sleep over this one and we're just trying to figure out PK options! It's very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:do you have the option of keeping your child in Montessori this year and deciding next year to enter him in either K or 1st? It is incredible what a few months sometimes does for maturity.

Yes. But his montessori teacher thinks if we do stay 1 more year that he will be way too advanced for K and should go directly into first grade. All of the kids that stay for that Montessori K-year at this preschool all go directly into first grade when they leave.

Also---here's the problem...most of his friends at school will be off to various Kindergartens. There were 4 of them that are a really tight bunch and he'd be the only one returning. His current school will have a pretty young crop next year- with very few in the 5 year old range. He's been at this school 3 years (started in the toddler room) so I think he's def. ready for a change. i have checked into a different play-based school for next year which also goes up to age 6 and they are larger with more to offer. If they have an opening that is what we will do (we are on the waitlist)....if not--it might just be straight to K. At least I'll save $12k!

thank god his younger sibling has a March 31st bday----smack dab in the middle!! He will go as soon as he is eligible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with you OP.

I have Sept 28th g/b twins.
Son is ahead academically (reading, writing at 3). Doesn't get frustrated easily. Current teacher says he's the "perfect" preschool student---listens immediately, sits attentively, follows all instructions, gets along with others. However, physically he's small for his size and has some anxiety with new situations. He can be clingy to me and whiny. Very whiny.

Daughter has NO interest in academics. Could care less about letters let alone putting them together. Frustrates easily---lots of fits and tantrums. However, socially she's very confident--fits in immediately in all new social situations and takes charge of the situations. Advanced fine motor skills. On the taller size for her age.

One week we're sure we're going to send them on time to K, the next we're convinced we need to hold them. I'm seriously loosing sleep over this one and we're just trying to figure out PK options! It's very hard.

OP here...oh my---somebody who has it worse than me! You have even more variables to worry about than me---my head would explode! good luck!

[Anonymous]

Our daughter was three days before the 30 Sept cut-off and from an early age I was looking for signs that might help me make the decision to send or to hold back.

I quizzed her preschool teachers about it at every P/T conference, and EVERY time I was told to send her on time.

I did. She ended up the youngest child in her school (the youngest K in a K- 6 school of 900 or so kids). You know what -- she was fine, academically, socially, everything. She's STILL fine, thriving even in first grade. Even this year, I asked her teacher if I made the right decision and was told that I did.

I agree with the previous poster who said

"Ultimately you and the child will adjust and make the best of the decision. There is no right, there is no wrong. Just make a decision and roll with it. Someone is always the youngest and someone is always the oldest. We can't predict the future so we do the best with what we have. Good luck."