Adults who pressure other adults to drink

[Anonymous]

Just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this. I'm a 40 something woman who has decided not to drink anymore-I just don't feel good the day after drinking alcohol even if it's a small amount. I have trouble with depression and it makes me feel worse. I'm fine with other people drinking and have no problem being around alcohol-I just don't want it myself. What has been really surprising to me is the number of friends/friendly acquaintances who seem bothered by this decision. I don't make a show of it, I just decline when offered alcohol. I recently went to a very small social gathering at a friend's house (everyone there is in the health care field and has been fully vaccinated against Covid) and got aggressively questioned about why I wasn't drinking/pressured to drink. This happened pre-pandemic as well-I just haven't dealt with it for awhile because of not socializing in-person due to Covid. I would understand it if I were 20-35 years younger but these are middle-aged women pressuring me to drink.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP-sorry for the typo-I meant to say "20-25 years younger" not "20-35 years younger."

[Anonymous]

They're alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the people pressuring you to drink are pathetic individuals. Maybe find some other people to hang out with that respect your boundaries?

[Anonymous]

I’m a 44 year old woman who has never liked to drink. I’m not opposed to it for others. It just doesn’t make me feel good. I tend to get headaches and want to fall asleep.

And yes people have always pressured me. It’s weird. I don’t know why some people do thwt.

[Anonymous]

I've never drank, and am 43. I'm not an alcoholic.

What I've noticed is that as a teenager, when you're taught about peer pressure, if someone offers you alcohol and you say, "No thanks" they just accept it and move on. I never had to give any reasons, nobody ever asked a second time, etc. That stuck through college, where everyone was happy to have a sober friend. Who carried gum. And could drive.

As an adult, I got SO MUCH SHIT for not drinking. There have been times I've resorted to saying I'm an alcoholic so that people will drop the issue. This is mostly at required work functions.

OP, if these are your friends? I would look at whether most of their socializing is centered around drinking events - wineries, breweries, pub crawls, wine tastings, happy hours, etc. If so, try to introduce doing other activities with them. If it doesn't take, you may need to seek out new friends. I go for walks and hikes with friends, take yoga classes, explore fun neighborhoods, go boating, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 44 year old woman who has never liked to drink. I’m not opposed to it for others. It just doesn’t make me feel good. I tend to get headaches and want to fall asleep.

And yes people have always pressured me. It’s weird. I don’t know why some people do thwt.

I don’t do this, and don’t always drink — but I think people do it because it feels like a social connection/engagement. Like putting music on and dancing. It’s not as fun when you are the only one dancing. Or the only one that isn’t dancing because it isn’t fun.

I recall a former acquaintance who never drank but always got a seltzer with lime just so people wouldn’t ask him to drink. It is more about their self-consciousness or feeling judged than not. Many of my friends don’t drink because of their religion. But maybe they use a hookah. Same difference.

[Anonymous]

I have never had that happen, even among those who drink regularly. Perhaps it's because you used to drink and now don't, and people feel judged? My husband and I don't drink much at all (a couple of glasses a year!), and our friends have always known this, so they don't remark on it.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both don’t drink. We like Pepsi as our poison. I never liked it and he was a hard partier in college so I guess he got it out of his system then. Never had anyone pressure us either. Don’t mind others drinking around me as long as they’re not annoying or emotional drunks. I guess if someone did pressure me my response would be something like, “Is this a frat party?” or, “What? Are you 19 years old?” It’s rude and immature for your people to do this to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, tell them you have arrhythmia. Arrhythmia gets worse after drinking alcohol or eating fermented foods that contain all kinds of substances. Just tell them you can not because it aggravates your condition and your doctor asked you to stop. So you need to really put your health first although it's tempting. They will leave you alone.

You should avoid drinking alcohol if you have an abnormal heart rhythm.
https://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/atrial-fibrillation/atrial-fibrillation-alcohol

[Anonymous]

Or tell them you only drink when you smoke crack, and ask if they have any crack to go with their beverage of choice?

[Anonymous]

This is the OP-thanks for all of the responses. PP 22:05-thanks for the laugh.

Yeah I think a lot of it's because I only stopped drinking within the past few years. And I do have friends who are respectful of that. The people who have been the loudest about me not drinking are those who tend to drink more/people I used to drink with in the past.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the answer OP but right there with you. In my case, it’s when we attend bday parties etc with other mid thirties couples. The moms have no problem getting plastered at the party and are just flabbergasted why I don’t join the fun. I don’t judge them, I just hate drinking too much and throwing up, being hungover the next day and falling asleep on the couch at 8pm when there’s things I need to do. Not to mention having to go home and deal with my kids. No thanks. I drank plentyyyy back in my 20s. I’m good. But yes it’s kind of shocking getting peer pressured from grown ass adults!!

[Anonymous]

People who drink excessively are made uncomfortable by those who abstain. There is a great deal of pressure to “normalize” this particular poison. Annie Grace has a great chapter about dealing with pressure from friends when you decide to not drink anymore. Highly recommend reading her book, This Naked Mind. Better yet, the Audible version (read by the author).

[Anonymous]

Same, OP. I'm 40s and I've developed an alcohol intolerance. Migraines, nausea, etc. from one drink usually. I've yet to figure out what to say to people without going into my symptoms and many other valid reasons to not drink - hangovers, calories, lightweight, etc. I've considered telling them I'm on medication (I'm not) because they might just leave it alone vs. making it their special mission to get me to drink.