Adults who pressure other adults to drink

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP-thanks for all of the responses. PP 22:05-thanks for the laugh.

Yeah I think a lot of it's because I only stopped drinking within the past few years. And I do have friends who are respectful of that. The people who have been the loudest about me not drinking are those who tend to drink more/people I used to drink with in the past.

I’m not a big drinker but if you were and now are not, and we are friends, I would ask you what was going on, are you ok, etc. that wouldn’t be pressure to drink, just conversation about a change in a friend.

[Anonymous]

I never did drink but my BIL of 15 years still insists this wine or that wine is so good and don't I want it? SIL has even tired to get him to stop to no avail.

Worst was my boss pressuring someone he knew had major health issues and was on medications that interact with alcohol at a work dinner with outside colleagues. My boss will comment that I don't drink, but knows I'm not going to change my mind, so he hasn't offered or tried to change my mind for years. He would not leave this other man alone, though. Presumably he used to drink and my boss knew that, but that's not an excuse to badger him.

[Anonymous]

I’m so surprised at all the people who even care if others drink. I’m thinking through the psychology of these conversations and maybe people just feel there is a pregnant pause after, “I’m not drinking anymore,” (or similar) and they feel the need to fill it with something. What about trying to get rid of that awkward pause and say something like, “Alcohol doesn’t really agree with me these days (lots of fond memories though!). You know, what would really hit to spot for me? Do you have any sparking water? Thanks so much.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so surprised at all the people who even care if others drink. I’m thinking through the psychology of these conversations and maybe people just feel there is a pregnant pause after, “I’m not drinking anymore,” (or similar) and they feel the need to fill it with something. What about trying to get rid of that awkward pause and say something like, “Alcohol doesn’t really agree with me these days (lots of fond memories though!). You know, what would really hit to spot for me? Do you have any sparking water? Thanks so much.”

What’s the point of this post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never drank, and am 43. I'm not an alcoholic.

What I've noticed is that as a teenager, when you're taught about peer pressure, if someone offers you alcohol and you say, "No thanks" they just accept it and move on. I never had to give any reasons, nobody ever asked a second time, etc. That stuck through college, where everyone was happy to have a sober friend. Who carried gum. And could drive.

As an adult, I got SO MUCH SHIT for not drinking. There have been times I've resorted to saying I'm an alcoholic so that people will drop the issue. This is mostly at required work functions.

OP, if these are your friends? I would look at whether most of their socializing is centered around drinking events - wineries, breweries, pub crawls, wine tastings, happy hours, etc. If so, try to introduce doing other activities with them. If it doesn't take, you may need to seek out new friends. I go for walks and hikes with friends, take yoga classes, explore fun neighborhoods, go boating, etc.

You’re nuts for telling people you’re an alcoholic at work events! That’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so surprised at all the people who even care if others drink. I’m thinking through the psychology of these conversations and maybe people just feel there is a pregnant pause after, “I’m not drinking anymore,” (or similar) and they feel the need to fill it with something. What about trying to get rid of that awkward pause and say something like, “Alcohol doesn’t really agree with me these days (lots of fond memories though!). You know, what would really hit to spot for me? Do you have any sparking water? Thanks so much.”

What’s the point of this post?

Not pp but, I got the point. Do you need cliff notes?

[Anonymous]

"I'm pregnant" (bonus points if you're male"

"I"m on medication" (they won't ask if the med says no alcohol on the bottle, so the Tylenol you took last week counts)

"No, thanks." - followed by
"Do you always encourage people to force "yes" on people who say "no?"

[Anonymous]

I enjoy a (one) glass of wine and stop. If I'm with friends, I'll have two, then stop. I grew up in an alc0holic home, so I am very careful with drinking. I've never been drunk.

I would turn it around and ask, "Why is it so important to you that I am drinking alcohol like you? Why is this bothering you so much?" Wait for the answer. It will probably stump them. Then you say "I'm fine, concentrate on your own drinking."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I enjoy a (one) glass of wine and stop. If I'm with friends, I'll have two, then stop. I grew up in an alc0holic home, so I am very careful with drinking. I've never been drunk.

I would turn it around and ask, "Why is it so important to you that I am drinking alcohol like you? Why is this bothering you so much?" Wait for the answer. It will probably stump them. Then you say "I'm fine, concentrate on your own drinking."

You sound super duper friendly

[Anonymous]

I, too, would say that I think I might be pregnant. I am 64.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 44 year old woman who has never liked to drink. I’m not opposed to it for others. It just doesn’t make me feel good. I tend to get headaches and want to fall asleep.

And yes people have always pressured me. It’s weird. I don’t know why some people do thwt.

I don’t do this, and don’t always drink — but I think people do it because it feels like a social connection/engagement. Like putting music on and dancing. It’s not as fun when you are the only one dancing. Or the only one that isn’t dancing because it isn’t fun.

I recall a former acquaintance who never drank but always got a seltzer with lime just so people wouldn’t ask him to drink. It is more about their self-consciousness or feeling judged than not. Many of my friends don’t drink because of their religion. But maybe they use a hookah. Same difference.

+1

Same here - and I think OP is making a tremendous deal of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't get it, either, OP. FWIW, I'm a social drinker, and would NEVER judge or even ask why a friend isn't drinking, and I certainly wouldn't press them too. It's none of my business unless they choose to tell me, and I have enough friends in recovery to know that alcohol isn't a safe fun time for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I’ve absolutely seen this dynamic, OP, and it’s incredibly rude. I drink, but I’m also a psychologist with expertise in treating alcohol addiction. The pressure on adults (and even towards teenagers, frankly) to drink is a real problem. What someone chooses to drink or eat is none of anyone’s business, unless it’s a restaurant trying to accommodate allergies or something.

I make it a point at parties (well, back when we could have parties) to have appealing non-alcoholic beverage options for the non-drinkers. When I see people giving someone a hard time about not drinking, I always intervene if appropriate, usually with a big kill ‘em with kindness grin. It’s just not cool.

[Anonymous]

I feel this frequently with the mommy wine culture. Every mom outing revolves around wine. I don’t get it. I don’t drink due to health reasons. At parties, one mom will always tell me how good the wine is, insist on getting me a glass, ask why I don’t drink, express sadness that I “can’t” drink. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

A bit of the reverse here. I don’t feel pressured so much but all invites are for happy hour on someone’s porch, wine with girlfriends, dinner with couple friends which include alcohol, sitting around the fire with alcohol....I like all my friends and want to go but I cannot drink alcohol, caffeine, chocolate, even sugar anymore. Between sleep, restless legs, stomach upset. It’s awful and all started last few years as mid- 40s.

Never a big drinker but I enjoyed sitting with friends and having a glass of wine or going to book club and having desert and coffee. I just feel so boring now and feel bad always saying “ no, thank you.”

No one really seems to mind and I don’t make a big deal about it. I’ll bring a sparkling water or an herbal tea in a mug dependent on situation but it’s hard for me so I definitely never question anyone else.