Adults who pressure other adults to drink

[Anonymous]

Another 44 year old woman here. I drink rarely (maybe four times a year, one glass of wine), and people are soooo rude about it. Both at work functions and fun evenings out. I have a family member in recovery so I’m particularly annoyed. But people would never say anything to her. Wtf. It really is unique to adults, both women and men (mostly women).

[Anonymous]

I think the easiest thing to say is “I don’t drink and drive.”

[Anonymous]

Same. And it is odd. I am overweight and losing weight right now. So I tell them I don't need the extra calories. That seems to work.

[Anonymous]

The calories excuse is a good one. (And true!) I’ve also said I’m detoxing, which works very well. I too find this pressuring strange as it’s happened to me.

[Anonymous]

I deflect if I can. Maybe later or something like that. I don't like alcohol but saying anything about that or even a "no, thanks" opens up a can of worms. Whether its probing questions, or antagonism, or even people thinking you are gauche for not being into their expertly chosen wines, I really am not interested in whatever baggage prompts these behaviors. If someone hands me a drink, I'll take it and leave it somewhere later on or dispose of it. In some situations, I'd even buy a drink and carry it around like a prop all evening. I'm late 40s, so I'm very adroit at this, but I'd respect the fact that someone didnt want to jump through all these hoops. I regard it as the equivalent of covering my shoulders when traveling in a conservative country. Don't want to offend the locals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 44 year old woman who has never liked to drink. I’m not opposed to it for others. It just doesn’t make me feel good. I tend to get headaches and want to fall asleep.

And yes people have always pressured me. It’s weird. I don’t know why some people do thwt.

I don’t do this, and don’t always drink — but I think people do it because it feels like a social connection/engagement. Like putting music on and dancing. It’s not as fun when you are the only one dancing. Or the only one that isn’t dancing because it isn’t fun.

I recall a former acquaintance who never drank but always got a seltzer with lime just so people wouldn’t ask him to drink. It is more about their self-consciousness or feeling judged than not. Many of my friends don’t drink because of their religion. But maybe they use a hookah. Same difference.

I have a surprising number of friends who, over the years, were abstaining at parties, and nobody ever knew. It's really easy to not imbibe alcohol, and to do it unnoticed.

[Anonymous]

I can’t drink anymore in my 30s. Last girls night out I had 2 glasses of wine and puked before going to bed. Can’t hang like I used to! I’ll nurse a single drink all night now.

[Anonymous]

PP from 23:53 here. Sometimes I feel left out or less “fun” because I don’t want to get tipsy or trashed. Anyone else?

[Anonymous]

I give up alcohol for lent every year. I just say “I don’t drink” rather than “I’m not drinking” and people don’t question it. The definitive response seems to communicate that the door is closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who drink excessively are made uncomfortable by those who abstain.

This. People who regularly pressure others to drink usually have a drinking problem. Occasionally they're just immature and trying to be cool, but at my age it's usually a drinking problem.

Neither DH or I are uptight about drinking. We both did plenty of it on college and grad school and as young professionals. Both of us are happy to enjoy a few drinks with friends, or even occasionally get plastered (the latter happens only a few times a year at most these days). But neither of us would ever be bothered by people who aren't drinking or press them to drink. That's because we don't ever need to drink in the first place and when we do drink, we don't feel guilty about it.

[Anonymous]

Find friends who don't do this.

I know what you're talking about, and the only people who have ever been rude about it are the ones with drinking problems that they claim not to have. It's like as long as everyone else is drinking, they don't have a problem. But if someone abstains all of a sudden it's obvious that they're drinking too much and they don't like it.

[Anonymous]

OP I was never a drinker.

When DH and I go out to dinner with another couple and they are big drinkers it annoys me. Hence most of our friends are not big drinkers.

Grew up extremely poor alcohol drinks are expensive could put food on a table for children. It's an emotional thing for me. Plus grandfather alcoholic. That was not pleasant as a child.

Plus I am 4'10" those calories add up, LOL

[Anonymous]

OP your post resonates with me because I too stopped drinking not for any substantial reason, just decided I wanted to stop. My sister of all people pushes me to drink. It's not the offer of a drink, I'm fine with that. It's that when I decline she asks for a reason. When I repeat (for the umpteenth time) that I've just decided it's something I want to stop doing she will say something along the lines of "it's festive" or "it's a great wine"and even go so far as to pour a little into a glass and push it in my direction. Even when I did drink I didn't like to day drink, it makes me sleepy. I don't understand why anyone pushes anything on a person who is politely declining--alcohol or food. You never know what anyone is battling and even if that's not the case and it's just a personal preference, respect the person saying 'no."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The calories excuse is a good one. (And true!) I’ve also said I’m detoxing, which works very well. I too find this pressuring strange as it’s happened to me.

I would not say this. If you don't like being perceived as less fun/social because you don't drink, throwing in a line about not wanting to consume too many calories makes you even more of a party pooper. No one should be talking about calories at a party.

Just say no thanks or get soda water with lime.

[Anonymous]

I've always loved wine but in my 40s now and omg if I have a glass for dinner, I feel it for days. I feel slow and my workouts suffer.

F those women. Tell them thanks, they can have your share bc you have too much sh to do tmrw.