Odd question: bear with me.

[Anonymous]

Took a walk with my neighbor the other day. We both have juniors and were discussing colleges, etc. She said that this coming fall during application season, she is thinking of sending her daughter’s application to a couple of colleges that her daughter refuses to apply to because she doesn’t think she’ll get in. The mom was just going to submit through the Common App, signing in as her daughter and using the information already in there. I was not sure how to react to this - is it even possible to send an app to a school without the child knowing? This is all new to me. Anyone heard of this/done this?

[Anonymous]

No, not a good idea at all.

It would be much better to require her to have a couple of "parent choice" colleges on her list and remind her that no one else needed to know.

Being afraid of getting denied tends to me more about having people know; some kids talk too much with their friends about their college list.

Neighbor needs to keep in mind that most schools that are hard to get into tend to have supplemental essays.

One of mine refused to apply to a school he was afraid he wouldn't get into. I'm annoyed because it would have been a good fit. Not even a bribe worked. Still, it was his choice.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully that person was just kidding or exaggerating. Anyway, the apps won’t be complete unless the school counselor sends in transcripts and letters of recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Because it’s anonymous, I’ll fess up and take the DCUM ridicule. Yes. At 11:50 on 1/31 when we finished EA schools apps and honors college apps and whatever else and no one had slept for days, I saw a school with EA that had been on my kids list (free, no essay) and we hadn’t visited yet and hit submit for it too.

Of course, 6 minutes later, I realized what I had done. So, I sat down, explained to my kid that the lack of sleep and stress had gotten to me too. That what I did was wrong and I was sorry. It was a screw up, and yes, sometimes moms screw up. And did he want me to withdraw it ?

As it turns out, the school was still on his to consider list, we just had not visited. He was deferred, at which point he pulled the app because we had learned more and he liked other schools he had acceptances to more.

But, wow, he used the story to embarrass me for 6 month, So yes. Even with the best of intentions, moms screw up. At which point you suck it up, do a mea culpa and model a graceful apology.

I don’t think it hurt our relationship any because I knew I was wrong and fixed it. Now, if I hadn’t fessed up until April, that would be different.


I am 1000% not behind sneak applying as a plan to force your kid into the school you want. Anyone parenting a teen knows that this makes it less likely, not more, the kid goes. And, it’s a massive loss of trust at a time when your kid will stop coming to you if they don’t trust you.

That said, here’s my thought when I’m rationale. Kid can chose any college on his list that meets financial perimeters when the numbers are in. This means parents can veto College of Southern Breasts. But give a lot of leeway— like 1 or maybe 2 schools. We did none, but he had a super safety, and we all agreed that if he got into any other school, it was off the table.

As the people who pay for college, we think parents can tell kids they need to apply if there is a school that looks perfect and you *haven’t visited* yet. We did this with one that wasn’t near anything else. Kid had to apply so it was an option if she loved it (COVID hit and we never made it). So, I can see saying to a kid, you need to apply since we are out of time. But you don’t have to go. Of course, if you are looking in state, that doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Fine

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks so much for these non-snarky responses! I thought, given that many parents are on edge right now, I might get crucified for even asking about this. I enjoyed your anecdotes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s anonymous, I’ll fess up and take the DCUM ridicule. Yes. At 11:50 on 1/31 when we finished EA schools apps and honors college apps and whatever else and no one had slept for days, I saw a school with EA that had been on my kids list (free, no essay) and we hadn’t visited yet and hit submit for it too.

Of course, 6 minutes later, I realized what I had done. So, I sat down, explained to my kid that the lack of sleep and stress had gotten to me too. That what I did was wrong and I was sorry. It was a screw up, and yes, sometimes moms screw up. And did he want me to withdraw it ?

As it turns out, the school was still on his to consider list, we just had not visited. He was deferred, at which point he pulled the app because we had learned more and he liked other schools he had acceptances to more.

But, wow, he used the story to embarrass me for 6 month, So yes. Even with the best of intentions, moms screw up. At which point you suck it up, do a mea culpa and model a graceful apology.

I don’t think it hurt our relationship any because I knew I was wrong and fixed it. Now, if I hadn’t fessed up until April, that would be different.


I am 1000% not behind sneak applying as a plan to force your kid into the school you want. Anyone parenting a teen knows that this makes it less likely, not more, the kid goes. And, it’s a massive loss of trust at a time when your kid will stop coming to you if they don’t trust you.

That said, here’s my thought when I’m rationale. Kid can chose any college on his list that meets financial perimeters when the numbers are in. This means parents can veto College of Southern Breasts. But give a lot of leeway— like 1 or maybe 2 schools. We did none, but he had a super safety, and we all agreed that if he got into any other school, it was off the table.

As the people who pay for college, we think parents can tell kids they need to apply if there is a school that looks perfect and you *haven’t visited* yet. We did this with one that wasn’t near anything else. Kid had to apply so it was an option if she loved it (COVID hit and we never made it). So, I can see saying to a kid, you need to apply since we are out of time. But you don’t have to go. Of course, if you are looking in state, that doesn’t work.

PP, I thought you were a moron for what you did, but this just seals the deal.

[Anonymous]

Kid will see it next time they log in. They will also need to get a transcript sent and teacher recs.

[Anonymous]

It’s obvious that your neighbor hasn’t thought this scheme thru. The additional essays and guidance counselor involvement will be problematic.

[Anonymous]

It also seems unethical from the perspective that you are potentially taking the spot of another applicant who actually wanted to apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kid will see it next time they log in. They will also need to get a transcript sent and teacher recs.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
this means [b]parents can veto College of Southern Breasts.

PP, I thought you were a moron for what you did, but this just seals the deal.

Disagree completely. This dad just just found another potential college visit! PP - get a freakin sense of humor.

[Anonymous]

Who are you people? I don’t even know how to log into my kid’s common app portal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are you people? I don’t even know how to log into my kid’s common app portal.

+1000. Blows my mind. I can’t log into DC’s common app or any of the school admission portals. I have not read my kids essays. I certainly wasn’t sitting nearby as my DC sent in applications. I am here for advice when asked.

[Anonymous]

There’s no way the kid won’t see it immediately when he logs on, not to mention all the follow up emails they send. That’s a terrible plan. We just told our kid we got one parent choice and insisted he apply, but even that was about having a financial safety. I feel like I had a right to weigh in on costs but otherwise kept out of it.