Odd question: bear with me.

[Anonymous]

I had no say on DD's applications. I did insist she look and consider certain schools -- mostly in state schools in VA. Knowing my DD, I knew she would like W&M, but in her mind, larger school with more focused curricula (e.g., Va Tech) were a better fit.

When she saw W&M, she fell in love with it, and ended up applying ED

[Anonymous]

Your friend's plan is stupid, if it is in fact a plan. She was more than likely joking. The college application process is part of the beginning of your adult relationship with your child. If you want a relationship of mutual trust, you can't do stupid things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you people? I don’t even know how to log into my kid’s common app portal.

+1000. Blows my mind. I can’t log into DC’s common app or any of the school admission portals. I have not read my kids essays. I certainly wasn’t sitting nearby as my DC sent in applications. I am here for advice when asked.

Pp here. While I can’t access her portal I have taken her to campuses she wants to see and advised her when asked and offered constructive criticism on her essay when shown (me along with maybe a dozen other people). I didn’t see all her supplemental essays.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do this, but the story with the poster who shared that she hit submit on an additional school doesn't sound like such a big deal to me... I don't understand the whole-- I realized what I had done and discussed with my child-- thing. Pretty overdramatic.

I think a better strategy is definitely to tell your kid that there are going to be a few parent picks. Which is more than fair.

[Anonymous]

I honestly think that your neighbor needs therapy..and strongly suspect that her kid will need it too, before too long.

Of course this is not right:on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

OP, I kept my mouth shut till the bitter end and then pretty much forced DD to apply to UVA, an in-state option. I think I asked her at 11:30pm on the last day, to please do it and she could then have the car and go out to a party. She was already accepted at several OOS schools that I liked better, and an in-state choice, but I just worried. I worried that families of most of her close friends would ultimately decide their child had to stay in-state, because of money, and friends would end up at UVA. Would she really be happy going OOS and knowing no one? Well it didn't happen that way for the friends. They went of to Princeton, Northwestern, furher away. So, the panic that drove my craziness was not necessary. DD still jokes about, and seems to take some pride in her half-@assed application, that put her on the waitlst.

So, I kind of regret acting so crazy. Glad I kept crazy at-bay for as long as I did. But know I would do it again.

[Anonymous]

^ most kids will forgive a little crazy

Op, What you describe is out of line. But your friends realize it, just not now. Extend some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I kept my mouth shut till the bitter end and then pretty much forced DD to apply to UVA, an in-state option. I think I asked her at 11:30pm on the last day, to please do it and she could then have the car and go out to a party. She was already accepted at several OOS schools that I liked better, and an in-state choice, but I just worried. I worried that families of most of her close friends would ultimately decide their child had to stay in-state, because of money, and friends would end up at UVA. Would she really be happy going OOS and knowing no one? Well it didn't happen that way for the friends. They went of to Princeton, Northwestern, furher away. So, the panic that drove my craziness was not necessary. DD still jokes about, and seems to take some pride in her half-@assed application, that put her on the waitlst.

So, I kind of regret acting so crazy. Glad I kept crazy at-bay for as long as I did. But know I would do it again.

Considering where your high school friends are going to college is like the worst decision I have ever heard.

[Anonymous]

This won’t work for many reasons. Maybe she was joking?

[Anonymous]

My sister did this for two of her sons! I was shocked when I found out. One of them wound up attending and loving the school she applied to for him. I was horrified to hear this. Her kids were lackluster students in HS and put in very little effort on their applications and my sister must have just thought- it’s worth it. They were both finishing two years at a community college- so the applications were for transferring in as a junior. Her husband (boys’ father) never went to college and my sister I think basically worried that her kids were drifting in that direction and by dint of effort she was going to make sure they went and wound up in professional careers (unlike her husband). Boys are both in their 30s now, both have professional jobs. But I don’t know if that can count as evidence that her strategy was successful. They are not particularly “good” employees, not at all self-starters, really content to just be at whatever level they’re on. But maybe to my sister (we’ve never discussed it after I expressed horror when she told me) feels otherwise- that at least they aren’t working constriction.

[Anonymous]

I think the only people commenting here should be parents with children past high school age.

[Anonymous]

This is a very bad idea.

1. Why in the world would your child ever trust you again
2. If you need to do this your child is not ready for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the only people commenting here should be parents with children past high school age.

Um- I am. Were you commenting because of my story about my sister? My kids are now in college.... Unclear what you’re referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s anonymous, I’ll fess up and take the DCUM ridicule. Yes. At 11:50 on 1/31 when we finished EA schools apps and honors college apps and whatever else and no one had slept for days, I saw a school with EA that had been on my kids list (free, no essay) and we hadn’t visited yet and hit submit for it too.

Of course, 6 minutes later, I realized what I had done. So, I sat down, explained to my kid that the lack of sleep and stress had gotten to me too. That what I did was wrong and I was sorry. It was a screw up, and yes, sometimes moms screw up. And did he want me to withdraw it ?

As it turns out, the school was still on his to consider list, we just had not visited. He was deferred, at which point he pulled the app because we had learned more and he liked other schools he had acceptances to more.

But, wow, he used the story to embarrass me for 6 month, So yes. Even with the best of intentions, moms screw up. At which point you suck it up, do a mea culpa and model a graceful apology.

I don’t think it hurt our relationship any because I knew I was wrong and fixed it. Now, if I hadn’t fessed up until April, that would be different.


I am 1000% not behind sneak applying as a plan to force your kid into the school you want. Anyone parenting a teen knows that this makes it less likely, not more, the kid goes. And, it’s a massive loss of trust at a time when your kid will stop coming to you if they don’t trust you.

That said, here’s my thought when I’m rationale. Kid can chose any college on his list that meets financial perimeters when the numbers are in. This means parents can veto College of Southern Breasts. But give a lot of leeway— like 1 or maybe 2 schools. We did none, but he had a super safety, and we all agreed that if he got into any other school, it was off the table.

As the people who pay for college, we think parents can tell kids they need to apply if there is a school that looks perfect and you *haven’t visited* yet. We did this with one that wasn’t near anything else. Kid had to apply so it was an option if she loved it (COVID hit and we never made it). So, I can see saying to a kid, you need to apply since we are out of time. But you don’t have to go. Of course, if you are looking in state, that doesn’t work.

PP, I thought you were a moron for what you did, but this just seals the deal.

I’m not hiding the fact I did something moronic. I owned up to it with my kid, apologized and spent months getting teased. If you re-read, never once did I say, and it was a great decision. My point is that it wasn’t. Although, if you haven’t been editing essays on Halloween at 11 pm with the whole family involved (including the 10th grade sibling, who is a great editor), you just don’t know. Lack of sleep, lots of stress— they lead to bad decisions.

I will say that this particular college has shot up in the rankings recently. And I think it has to do with the fact that it’s one of the only top non-engineering schools to offer EA, no fee to apply and no essays. It’s very easy to check their box. And their acceptance rate has dropped a lot in recent years. So, I’m not the only one making dumb decisions at 11:50 pm on 10/31.

Amd hey, If your okay with your kid going to Big Boobs U, then Roll Tide!

[Anonymous]

^^^PP, your post is at once moronic, misogynistic and insufferably... weird. The entire package!