Dating someone much more accomplished than you

[Anonymous]

So I recently met this guy online (both of us divorced) and we've been talking. He's mentioned his work here and there but never really got into specific details. Anyways recently he finally told me what he really does - he's the President & CEO of a large company. He shared his online profiles and I found out he also sits on several boards. Me, on the other hand - I have a decent but average job at a Fortune 500 but I'm no rockstar. He's very down to earth and not flashy or braggy at all, but now I feel like my career just pales in comparison and I'm feeling a little self conscious.

He's really nice and we have been taking it slow and its still early on so might not even go anywhere. Anyone who's been in a similar situation, how did you navigate it? Did it create a weird dynamic in the relationship?

[Anonymous]

First, never say “anyways” ever again.

Or if you do, own it fully with confidence. Be yourself. Why waste time otherwise?

Yes, I’ve dated NFL stars, high-profilers, and met amazing men doing really rare and gifted work.

You have to be yourself. That’s the best I’ve got. It always works for me. It should work for you too.

And if you don’t like who you are when you are yourself — you’re not ready to date or love anyone. You should do a little more work to understand who you are, why you are the way that you are, and whether present day you is reflective of all you want to be.

From there it is a cake walk!

Good luck and I hope it is a good experience for you either way. Happy Self-Love Day! 💛😊😘

[Anonymous]

PP is right. You need to OK with who you are. For some of us self-conscious and anxious folk, that's quite challenging.

Try to relax and see where it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, never say “anyways” ever again.

Or if you do, own it fully with confidence. Be yourself. Why waste time otherwise?

Yes, I’ve dated NFL stars, high-profilers, and met amazing men doing really rare and gifted work.

You have to be yourself. That’s the best I’ve got. It always works for me. It should work for you too.

And if you don’t like who you are when you are yourself — you’re not ready to date or love anyone. You should do a little more work to understand who you are, why you are the way that you are, and whether present day you is reflective of all you want to be.

From there it is a cake walk!

Good luck and I hope it is a good experience for you either way. Happy Self-Love Day! 💛😊😘

Thank you - I know this is true. I have been trying to focus on that this year. It recently hit me that I'm damn near 40 and nowhere near as far in my career as I thought I would be and I'm wondering if I even have what it takes. I guess part of it is that I am not exceling at work and don't even know how much longer I will last there. So it almost makes me a feel even more self conscious being around someone who's accomplished so much and only a few years older than me.

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a prominent public official. For our second date he invited me to an event at the White House and I remember being overwhelmed (and too shy to attend).

I’m perfectly accomplished, with fancy degrees, but nothing compared to my husband.

But if the chemistry is there and you’re self-confident enough, the difference in success won’t be a factor.

And despite my husband’s relative success, I still get on his case about things like the dishes.

Hope it works out for you.

[Anonymous]

You’re the woman? Not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re the woman? Not an issue.

That statement is both terribly offensive yet true in practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re the woman? Not an issue.

That statement is both terribly offensive yet true in practice.

Why are you offended? Relationships aren’t about resumes.

[Anonymous]

My DH isn’t super successful like this guy, but plenty successful (biglaw partner) and I am hardly employable (SAHM with an advanced degree but out of the workforce for a long time). We didn’t start out this way, in fact I’m older so he was into my career by the time he finished law school. But I do still feel awkward when I think about it. I always thought I would be successful like him, and, well, I’m not.

But I try not to compare, and I’m getting close to believing DH when he says that all work in a partnership is equally valuable. Income and success are nothing in the grand scheme of things. What truly matters is relationships and other ways to make life meaningful.

But it’s a process! And not easy. But like most hard things, it’s worth it. Even if things don’t progress with this guy, I would do this inner work to separate success from your personal worth as a human being.

[Anonymous]

Relax, he’s not dating you for your money.

Also, as PP said, please stop using the word anyways. Every time I hear someone say it I cringe.

[Anonymous]

First, he sounds like a down to earth guy, so that's good. Secondly, what matters is if he respects your career as being important and valuable to *you*, not in some broader sense. Finally, realistically there is rarely room for 2 big/prominent careers in one relationship.

[Anonymous]

Just remember, we all sit on a toilet and use toilet paper.

We really aren’t all that different.

[Anonymous]

I’ve rarely met two married alpha types who seem very happy. People like that are very competitive even with each other.

[Anonymous]

In the end, people are just people. He’s no different/better than you are at relationships, and he probably wants to find someone who cares for him as much as anyone does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re the woman? Not an issue.

That statement is both terribly offensive yet true in practice.

Why are you offended? Relationships aren’t about resumes.

BINGO. I thought this thread was about a woman that was highly accomplished. Don't worry OP you sound smart enough to catch his attention but not so smart that you outshine him.

I say this as a highly accomplished woman. Most men that were highly accomplished had no interest in me.