Dating someone much more accomplished than you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just remember, we all sit on a toilet and use toilet paper.

We really aren’t all that different.

Some of us don't even do that I've learned the hard way.

[Anonymous]

What online platform did you meet?
Asking for a friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a prominent public official. For our second date he invited me to an event at the White House and I remember being overwhelmed (and too shy to attend).

I’m perfectly accomplished, with fancy degrees, but nothing compared to my husband.

But if the chemistry is there and you’re self-confident enough, the difference in success won’t be a factor.

And despite my husband’s relative success, I still get on his case about things like the dishes.

Hope it works out for you.

Jill?

[Anonymous]

I think it important for him to have somebody grounded.

Somebody who has risen to that level may seem down to earth but he isn’t. He will have an intense ego, shaky morals and will take up more space in the room than feels comfortable.

The question isn’t should he date you, you need to figure out if you can date that.

You need to be strong in your convictions and self confident or it won’t work. He will steamroll you.

[Anonymous]

Men usually date down.

[Anonymous]

You have a problem if it's the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I recently met this guy online (both of us divorced) and we've been talking. He's mentioned his work here and there but never really got into specific details. Anyways recently he finally told me what he really does - he's the President & CEO of a large company. He shared his online profiles and I found out he also sits on several boards. Me, on the other hand - I have a decent but average job at a Fortune 500 but I'm no rockstar. He's very down to earth and not flashy or braggy at all, but now I feel like my career just pales in comparison and I'm feeling a little self conscious.

He's really nice and we have been taking it slow and its still early on so might not even go anywhere. Anyone who's been in a similar situation, how did you navigate it? Did it create a weird dynamic in the relationship?

Are you saying that you never googled him before him telling you what he did?

Come on...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I recently met this guy online (both of us divorced) and we've been talking. He's mentioned his work here and there but never really got into specific details. Anyways recently he finally told me what he really does - he's the President & CEO of a large company. He shared his online profiles and I found out he also sits on several boards. Me, on the other hand - I have a decent but average job at a Fortune 500 but I'm no rockstar. He's very down to earth and not flashy or braggy at all, but now I feel like my career just pales in comparison and I'm feeling a little self conscious.

He's really nice and we have been taking it slow and its still early on so might not even go anywhere. Anyone who's been in a similar situation, how did you navigate it? Did it create a weird dynamic in the relationship?

Are you saying that you never googled him before him telling you what he did?

Come on...

OP here. No because he gave me a different first name initially. I never asked for a last name and didn't give mine either. Just never came up. I figured all of that would come out eventually. I knew he was 'a' boss at work, I didn't know he was THE boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a prominent public official. For our second date he invited me to an event at the White House and I remember being overwhelmed (and too shy to attend).

I’m perfectly accomplished, with fancy degrees, but nothing compared to my husband.

But if the chemistry is there and you’re self-confident enough, the difference in success won’t be a factor.

And despite my husband’s relative success, I still get on his case about things like the dishes.

Hope it works out for you.

Jill?

[Anonymous]

This story sounds awfully familiar. Someone asked a very similar question in the past year, I'm pretty sure.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone who was more accomplished in a way that made him famous-ish, but we made similar incomes. I value my privacy too much for his lifestyle, but he was very supportive of my career in a different field and is a good man. I think as long as the 'more accomplished' party doesn't diminish the career of the other it can be fine. In my case it was easy because he was very taken by what I do and our day to day was so different that there was always lots to talk about in a way that felt reciprocal. Be genuine and for the first little while try not to bring up his work unless he does first so he realizes that you care about him as a person and not just what he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This story sounds awfully familiar. Someone asked a very similar question in the past year, I'm pretty sure.

OP - wasn't me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated someone who was more accomplished in a way that made him famous-ish, but we made similar incomes. I value my privacy too much for his lifestyle, but he was very supportive of my career in a different field and is a good man. I think as long as the 'more accomplished' party doesn't diminish the career of the other it can be fine. In my case it was easy because he was very taken by what I do and our day to day was so different that there was always lots to talk about in a way that felt reciprocal. Be genuine and for the first little while try not to bring up his work unless he does first so he realizes that you care about him as a person and not just what he does.

OP - thank you, that's good advice. In a weird way, I was almost slightly disappointed to find out what he did. I thought he was mere mortal like myself ( ). I didn't expect there to be this huge disparity as that's never been the case for me in past relationships. Now I almost feel a little awkward. But he rarely talks about work outside of brief passing comments here and there and seems to be genuinely interested in getting to know me. So we'll see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I recently met this guy online (both of us divorced) and we've been talking. He's mentioned his work here and there but never really got into specific details. Anyways recently he finally told me what he really does - he's the President & CEO of a large company. He shared his online profiles and I found out he also sits on several boards. Me, on the other hand - I have a decent but average job at a Fortune 500 but I'm no rockstar. He's very down to earth and not flashy or braggy at all, but now I feel like my career just pales in comparison and I'm feeling a little self conscious.

He's really nice and we have been taking it slow and its still early on so might not even go anywhere. Anyone who's been in a similar situation, how did you navigate it? Did it create a weird dynamic in the relationship?

Are you saying that you never googled him before him telling you what he did?

Come on...

OP here. No because he gave me a different first name initially. I never asked for a last name and didn't give mine either. Just never came up. I figured all of that would come out eventually. I knew he was 'a' boss at work, I didn't know he was THE boss.

oof. red flag. I briefly dated a guy almost exactly like that - gave a fake name and didn’t say what he did exactly. I put the pieces together and figured out through googling that he was a married CEO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH isn’t super successful like this guy, but plenty successful (biglaw partner) and I am hardly employable (SAHM with an advanced degree but out of the workforce for a long time). We didn’t start out this way, in fact I’m older so he was into my career by the time he finished law school. But I do still feel awkward when I think about it. I always thought I would be successful like him, and, well, I’m not.

But I try not to compare, and I’m getting close to believing DH when he says that all work in a partnership is equally valuable. Income and success are nothing in the grand scheme of things. What truly matters is relationships and other ways to make life meaningful.

But it’s a process! And not easy. But like most hard things, it’s worth it. Even if things don’t progress with this guy, I would do this inner work to separate success from your personal worth as a human being.

+1