Would a nanny do a better job than me at parenting?

[Anonymous]

I am on parental leave now and love spending time with my baby. But I also feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I read a ton of books during pregnancy on the early years and infant care and it feels like it all flew out of my head once I had the baby- I literally don’t remember almost anything I read. I love and care for this baby but find myself wondering if someone more experienced with childcare would do a better job. Examples- during the first couple of week, I didn’t burp baby because I thought breastfed babies didn’t need to be burped. I also assumed babies would nap once they felt tired so instead of setting up the right environment, I just waited for baby to sleep which resulted in him not sleeping for 10 whole hours on one day. And we cosleep with a 9pm bedtime because I never figured out how to get baby to sleep alone. I planned to take extended leave for a year post baby but am now wondering if I am just failing baby and if hiring someone with more experience to care for him would be better for him. I would much rather do it myself so this isn’t about me being tired. I just wonder if it is best for baby.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you could use a baby nurse for a month or two, just to help you with this stuff.

You probably screwed up the burping thing because you're exhausted - obviously anyone who is ingesting ANYTHING needs to burp. If you could have thought clearly you'd have realized that.

Babies need to be taught how to sleep. I really think you need either a mom/MIL or to hire someone for a little, to show you the ropes. Since you want to do it on you own, you should. But no shame in getting a little help from those with more experience!

Reading "all the books" is too much. Just read about each stage as your baby nears it. Less to keep in your head at once, you know?

[Anonymous]

It might be helpful for you to hire a baby nurse for a short period of time, and really ask her to show her the routine she sets up. I hired a night nurse when I had my third. Even after two babies, she was WAY more of a pro than I was! We all have our skills, and my experience with motherhood still didn't rival the confidence and skills she had developed with newborns in her twenty plus years of baby care.

That being said, you also seem to be undervaluing yourself. It really is ok to make mistakes with babies and learn as you go. We all do. No parent is born with perfect childcare skills. Reading books helps, asking questions of other parents and the pediatrician helps, and practice helps. Don't demand perfection of yourself - that is required of parenthood!

[Anonymous]

^ show YOU the routine she sets up, I mean, particular for sleeping

[Anonymous]

You don't need to hire someone. You've already figured out things on your own. Not many parents know what they are doing at first. Even if you do follow what the books say, it doesn't always work. I finally figured out that the way I was burping my baby wasn't really working so I tried something else I read in a book and it worked better. So I did that.

[Anonymous]

There is a learning curve. First time parents are kind of dumb, but luckily, infants are designed to be resilient enough to be handled by dumb people, so that they can go on to make dumb mistakes with their own children.

[Anonymous]

Do not be so hard on yourself about those newborn routines. There is a huge learning curve, as others have mentioned, and a huge variation between babies, so only you know what your baby is like. They also outgrow those things very quickly and by 6 months are able to regulation things like sleeping and eating with much more robustness. I was a SAH mom on Capitol Hill with my first and saw many really great nannies (and some really terrible ones.). I never saw a mom who was totally whiffing it.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Honestly, at some point many working parents end up at a disadvantage later because they never had to figure this stuff out, and they end up with problems such as a kid who naps for the nanny on weekdays but not for them on weekends. The process of parenting is really about getting to know your child. A good NCS or baby nanny could come over and do a week of consults to help get you on the right track, but mostly you need to listen to your baby. As for developmental stuff, try the Wonder Weeks app or What To Expect the First Year and just take it a week or a month at a time. Your baby is going to keep changing constantly for the first year of life, so you can’t memorize all the details of every stage before birth!

[Anonymous]

Yes an experienced nanny might be better, just like a mom of three who knows her kids would be better at parenting then than a nanny. The fact that there is a learning curve doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good job. Try to be less of a perfectionist . Your kid will be totally fine.

[Anonymous]

No one has a baby and knows everything about how to care for one. You are learning what works or doesn't work for your child and you are just adjusting where you need to. I do not see a problem. Of course, if you want to hire a new nanny, go ahead but a nanny isnt going to teach you those things. Nannies do what you tell them to do.

[Anonymous]

I grew up playing with little babies (cousins) and I was very confident mom because of that. I think what you need is someone to show you the ropes and you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes an experienced nanny might be better, just like a mom of three who knows her kids would be better at parenting then than a nanny. The fact that there is a learning curve doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good job. Try to be less of a perfectionist . Your kid will be totally fine.

This! Find some experienced mom friends/relatives, join Facebook mom groups (selectively! Not any old crazy group!), Pace or a free neighborhood group (MOTH, Petworth New Moms, Takoma Mamas, etc.). We ALL made silly mistakes and learned by doing. Pandemic parenting is so hard, but being an inexperienced new mom without any support seems freaking impossible. You guys are doing great and should give yourself a ton of slack. What you're describing isn't failing, it's learning. We all have to learn at some point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am on parental leave now and love spending time with my baby. But I also feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I read a ton of books during pregnancy on the early years and infant care and it feels like it all flew out of my head once I had the baby- I literally don’t remember almost anything I read. I love and care for this baby but find myself wondering if someone more experienced with childcare would do a better job. Examples- during the first couple of week, I didn’t burp baby because I thought breastfed babies didn’t need to be burped. I also assumed babies would nap once they felt tired so instead of setting up the right environment, I just waited for baby to sleep which resulted in him not sleeping for 10 whole hours on one day. And we cosleep with a 9pm bedtime because I never figured out how to get baby to sleep alone. I planned to take extended leave for a year post baby but am now wondering if I am just failing baby and if hiring someone with more experience to care for him would be better for him. I would much rather do it myself so this isn’t about me being tired. I just wonder if it is best for baby.

Babies can thrive in all sorts of family. What they need is love, and someone who listens to their cues and takes the time to figure them out.

If you wanted to go back to work, then you'd figure out how to make that work, and your baby would thrive with a nanny, but they wouldn't do better or worse than with you. You'll figure it out, and the baby will thrive with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you could use a baby nurse for a month or two, just to help you with this stuff.

You probably screwed up the burping thing because you're exhausted - obviously anyone who is ingesting ANYTHING needs to burp. If you could have thought clearly you'd have realized that.

Babies need to be taught how to sleep. I really think you need either a mom/MIL or to hire someone for a little, to show you the ropes. Since you want to do it on you own, you should. But no shame in getting a little help from those with more experience!

Reading "all the books" is too much. Just read about each stage as your baby nears it. Less to keep in your head at once, you know?

Huh? Needing to burp, and needing to be burped are two different things. The vast majority of people don't need to be burped, and lots of babies don't either. I don't think OP is the one who isn't thinking clearly there.

Babies are born knowing how to sleep. It's in their DNA. Babies in modern households sometimes need to be taught how to sleep in ways that accommodate our specific lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you could use a baby nurse for a month or two, just to help you with this stuff.

You probably screwed up the burping thing because you're exhausted - obviously anyone who is ingesting ANYTHING needs to burp. If you could have thought clearly you'd have realized that.

Babies need to be taught how to sleep. I really think you need either a mom/MIL or to hire someone for a little, to show you the ropes. Since you want to do it on you own, you should. But no shame in getting a little help from those with more experience!

Reading "all the books" is too much. Just read about each stage as your baby nears it. Less to keep in your head at once, you know?

Huh? Needing to burp, and needing to be burped are two different things. The vast majority of people don't need to be burped, and lots of babies don't either. I don't think OP is the one who isn't thinking clearly there.

Babies are born knowing how to sleep. It's in their DNA. Babies in modern households sometimes need to be taught how to sleep in ways that accommodate our specific lifestyle.

I breastfed three babies and none of them needed to be burped. That doesn't mean that no breastfed baby ever needed to be burped, but the OP is not crazy to think that her baby is fine without burping. Try it and see if it changes anything. If it doesn't, stop doing it. Your baby is probably fine not being burped.