6 Year Old Has No Friends
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Anonymous
| This is eating away at me every day and even though I try to tell myself this won't always be the case, it still makes me sad on a daily basis. My 6 year old son really has hardly any friends right now. He doesn't have a group to hang with and I can't help but think of my older DD who made a super close group of friends in kindergarten that she has stuck with now through MS (and this has been great for her during COVID times), and I was hoping the same for him before quarantine hit and well, that's just not the case. I have a tight group of mom friends from his preschool, but they all happen to be moms of girls. There were only two boys in his preschool class and while I was friendly with those moms and he was friendly with those boys, those relationships drifted apart during COVID times. Plus he never asked to see those boys after quarantine hit, so I didn't push much to try to see them since it was sort of frustrating with trying to figure out ways to safely see each other I kind of gave up. The group of girls, however, were his main summer pod group since the moms and I are close and it was more natural to get together. We took sport activities together, met up at playgrounds, got together quite often and they do all love him (one wants to marry him when she's older) but in reality, he's not their main go-to. They all happen to go to the same neighboring ES and they're girls--so they're getting together to play barbies, AG dolls, etc., and they are all in girl scouts together, so I get it having a daughter myself that they're kind of doing their own thing. We enrolled in private K, not our ES this year because he hates zoom, and while he is super happy in private K and has lots of friends to hang with during the school day, we haven't made inroads to set up play dates etc. There's no opportunity to meet parents, etc. and yes, I could try to reach out, but I just have not made the effort. I think part of me feels like, they're all going to go their separate ways next year (hopefully if school is back in session) that what is the point of trying? It's my own fault--I should try, but I know those kids won't be his longterm friends circle, so I haven't made the effort. I have tried to connect with moms of other kindergartners at our neighborhood ES and have enrolled him in fall sports (and will do the same for spring) that I know typically kids from our ES participate in, but we only connected with one kid and my son and him didn't really hit it off (my son is really outgoing--this kid wasn't as much so I think my son was a little bored by him), so that sort of fizzled. None of my daughter's friends have younger siblings his age, so that's a dead end. I know that this is not the end all be all and he will have that opportunity to make friends, but it is hard right now with him being so socially isolated. I am hoping if we can be in ES next year, we can start building relationships, but part of me worries it might too late and maybe those kids already have found their groups. The good news is that he doesn't seem to notice--he's happy spend time with me on the weekends--we go hiking a ton and spend a lot of time outdoors together going on various adventures. But, I'm basically his only friend and maybe since I spend so much time with him, this gnaws at me. I keep reminding myself he's only 6--he's got a lot of time to make friends but I just feel like he's lost out on an entire year of making social connections. It just sucks. Just wanted to vent and share and see if anyone else is coping with this. |
Anonymous
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Yes, I am in almost the exact same position. Child had friends in preschool, but we left the preschool due to covid and the fact that we weren't commuting to work, and preschool was near the office. We are attending a private K, but the school only goes through K, so we will be somewhere else next year. My son has no real friends anymore. He does play in the neighborhood with kids maybe once a month or so if they happen to be outside when he is. And he talks about the other kids in K, but like you, I haven't reached out because of COVID and because I know we're going separate ways next year. I have some friends with kids who are a similar age, and we used to get together but haven't recently because of COVID. We are going to play on a baseball team this year, and maybe there will be an opportunity to create friendships there.
I feel the same as you that he is lacking something, but also, he seems fine. He has enough casual interaction to be OK. I'm just hoping this corrects itself next year. |
Anonymous
There you go. A 6 year old doesn't need friends. They need a good family and to spend lots of time with their family. |
Anonymous
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1) Paragraphs are your friend, OP
2) I did get so far as to the part where your son is really outgoing. If that is the case, you have nothing to worry about. He's only 6. We're in Covid. Just remember: 3) It sucks for everyone. This is part of it. |
Anonymous
+1. It's not like your kid is a teenager with no friends. I have a 6 year old too and all he wants to do is play with me all day. Take advantage of it! |
Anonymous
Ditto. |
Anonymous
| My 6 yo daughter doesn't have any friends. We moved to a different school district during Covid so she has never seen her classmates in person. None of my neighbors send their children out to play (or there aren't any similar aged children). I don't even know my neighbors. My daughter doesn't care. She cares about Roblox, Barbies, and her family. |
Anonymous
| I can see that you are very anxious about this, but it is really not something to worry about. Male friendships are very activity-based. As he gets older, he will become friends with boys that he has common activity interests with - whether that is soccer, Minecraft, D&D, scouting. It's not as deep as you are making it out to be. If a boy has sufficient social skills to interact reasonably well with other boys at the shared activity, he will 100 percent have friends. |
Anonymous
+1 OP: My DD is like your DD. Has had roughly the same group of friends since early elementary (is in middle school now). There are changes year to year as other girls join, some drop off a bit, girls flow in and out, but they are largely still friends. Same best friend since 1st grade. The girls have different interests and have had been in different classes over the years, yet the friendships remain. DD is happy. My sons are completely different. One is in 4th and one is in 6th. Their friends are more activity based and situational so far. They hang out with kids with like interests- their friends are from sports, kids who like the same video games etc, and kids they play with at recess. As interests have changed (and depending who is in their class in a given school year), their friends change quite a bit year to year. They are happy. Neither of my boys had specific friends when they were 6. It was mostly occasional play dates I arranged (because I was friends with other moms), being with kids at sports activities like tball, and parties tended to be whole class. They were social and had fun but I can’t say they had specific friends of their own. Both have continued to be happy and social, with occasional bumps along the way. I would not worry about your DS. |
Anonymous
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Have you tried getting him together one-on-one with the girls from the summer group? I hate seeing all these gendered assumptions. My DS is best friends with 3 girls. Two of them like dolls, one hates dolls, one is a stereotypical pink-fanatic, one is a tomboy, one is a diva, but when they're together they tend to do creative things like arts and crafts or coming up with games to play.
The summer girls may have a "group" because of common interests like girl scouts, and I can see how a group of them together might feed off each other and exclude your son. But one-on-one with your son, they will probably find something in common to do. Don't just say "he's not their main-go-to" and give up. You don't have to be BFF to have a good time together. |
Anonymous
OP here: He actually is very close to one girl in the group and they're very good friends because our families are close and are good friends. They see each other one on one quite a bit, but my point is that she's got the preschool girls and is also already making friends with other girls in ES so naturally she is going to have other friends to hang with other than him, and I'd like the same for him. He's happy playing with anything, barbies, dolls etc.--it's not a gender thing. And even in Kindergarten he's made friends with the girls in addition to the boys. He's happy playing with either gender, as most kids are still at this age. |
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