6 Year Old Has No Friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good news is that he doesn't seem to notice--he's happy spend time with me on the weekends

There you go. A 6 year old doesn't need friends. They need a good family and to spend lots of time with their family.

+1. It's not like your kid is a teenager with no friends. I have a 6 year old too and all he wants to do is play with me all day. Take advantage of it!

Ditto.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried getting him together one-on-one with the girls from the summer group? I hate seeing all these gendered assumptions. My DS is best friends with 3 girls. Two of them like dolls, one hates dolls, one is a stereotypical pink-fanatic, one is a tomboy, one is a diva, but when they're together they tend to do creative things like arts and crafts or coming up with games to play.

The summer girls may have a "group" because of common interests like girl scouts, and I can see how a group of them together might feed off each other and exclude your son. But one-on-one with your son, they will probably find something in common to do. Don't just say "he's not their main-go-to" and give up. You don't have to be BFF to have a good time together.

OP here: He actually is very close to one girl in the group and they're very good friends because our families are close and are good friends. They see each other one on one quite a bit, but my point is that she's got the preschool girls and is also already making friends with other girls in ES so naturally she is going to have other friends to hang with other than him, and I'd like the same for him. He's happy playing with anything, barbies, dolls etc.--it's not a gender thing. And even in Kindergarten he's made friends with the girls in addition to the boys. He's happy playing with either gender, as most kids are still at this age.

In that case you need to stop comparing you child to other children. Now and forever.

[Anonymous]

Taking your group of kindergarten friends all the way to MS is not common. Your daughter should not be the role model case.

[Anonymous]

My second graders says she has not made any new friends through her distance learning class. She says it’s hard making friends through distance learning. She’s in a pod, physically with six other kids of varying ages in different classes, and she’s made friends there, so I think the lack of physical interaction is hindering her not making friends in her 100% distance learning second grade. She has virtual play dates with her friend from first grade and I think that’s fine for covid times.

[Anonymous]

Fixed the OP for everyone. YOU'RE WELCOME.

OP, my advice: your DS has plenty of social opportunities. He's 6. DCUM may have you convinced that the whole world lives with organized regular playdates, but that's just not true. If he's in in-person school right, he's getting plenty of socialization, and he will have plenty of time to make friends with his new classmates in 1st grade. Groups aren't bonded forever once they turn 7. The pandemic has been weird for everyone, he won't be an outlier.

For what it's worth, my 4th grader has just 2 really close friends, and my 1st grader says everyone in her class is her BFF. There is a huge range of what's typical. Bottom line, your DS is happy, so don't obsess over this. There are certainly many other real issues that are more worthy of "eating away" at you every day.
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This is eating away at me every day and even though I try to tell myself this won't always be the case, it still makes me sad on a daily basis. My 6 year old son really has hardly any friends right now. He doesn't have a group to hang with and I can't help but think of my older DD who made a super close group of friends in kindergarten that she has stuck with now through MS (and this has been great for her during COVID times), and I was hoping the same for him before quarantine hit and well, that's just not the case.

I have a tight group of mom friends from his preschool, but they all happen to be moms of girls. There were only two boys in his preschool class and while I was friendly with those moms and he was friendly with those boys, those relationships drifted apart during COVID times. Plus he never asked to see those boys after quarantine hit, so I didn't push much to try to see them since it was sort of frustrating with trying to figure out ways to safely see each other I kind of gave up. The group of girls, however, were his main summer pod group since the moms and I are close and it was more natural to get together. We took sport activities together, met up at playgrounds, got together quite often and they do all love him (one wants to marry him when she's older) but in reality, he's not their main go-to. They all happen to go to the same neighboring ES and they're girls--so they're getting together to play barbies, AG dolls, etc., and they are all in girl scouts together, so I get it having a daughter myself that they're kind of doing their own thing.

We enrolled in private K, not our ES this year because he hates zoom, and while he is super happy in private K and has lots of friends to hang with during the school day, we haven't made inroads to set up play dates etc. There's no opportunity to meet parents, etc. and yes, I could try to reach out, but I just have not made the effort. I think part of me feels like, they're all going to go their separate ways next year (hopefully if school is back in session) that what is the point of trying? It's my own fault--I should try, but I know those kids won't be his longterm friends circle, so I haven't made the effort.

I have tried to connect with moms of other kindergartners at our neighborhood ES and have enrolled him in fall sports (and will do the same for spring) that I know typically kids from our ES participate in, but we only connected with one kid and my son and him didn't really hit it off (my son is really outgoing--this kid wasn't as much so I think my son was a little bored by him), so that sort of fizzled. None of my daughter's friends have younger siblings his age, so that's a dead end.

I know that this is not the end all be all and he will have that opportunity to make friends, but it is hard right now with him being so socially isolated. I am hoping if we can be in ES next year, we can start building relationships, but part of me worries it might too late and maybe those kids already have found their groups.

The good news is that he doesn't seem to notice--he's happy spend time with me on the weekends--we go hiking a ton and spend a lot of time outdoors together going on various adventures. But, I'm basically his only friend and maybe since I spend so much time with him, this gnaws at me. I keep reminding myself he's only 6--he's got a lot of time to make friends but I just feel like he's lost out on an entire year of making social connections. It just sucks. Just wanted to vent and share and see if anyone else is coping with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The good news is that he doesn't seem to notice--he's happy spend time with me on the weekends

There you go. A 6 year old doesn't need friends. They need a good family and to spend lots of time with their family.

I’ve got to tell you— I was worried about this for my 7 year old DS. But he doesn’t seem to mind and seems to be thriving hanging out with his younger sibling and us all day, every day. I set up some outdoor play dates for him which he seems ambivalent about. His BF from before the pandemic seems to have moved on I think — the friend joined a pod that we’re not part of, and his parents don’t really seem excited about my suggestions for outdoor masked play dates with my kid (they happened a few times at the beginning but have tricked off). but my DS doesn’t seem bothered by it. I
He’s a great kid, I’m going to work hard to get him into activities where he can meet more people and enjoy the activity when pandemic ends (think theater, not sports).

[Anonymous]

Oh my god, CALM DOWN. He's SIX and we're in the middle of a pandemic. You need to chill the F out. WOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried getting him together one-on-one with the girls from the summer group? I hate seeing all these gendered assumptions. My DS is best friends with 3 girls. Two of them like dolls, one hates dolls, one is a stereotypical pink-fanatic, one is a tomboy, one is a diva, but when they're together they tend to do creative things like arts and crafts or coming up with games to play.

The summer girls may have a "group" because of common interests like girl scouts, and I can see how a group of them together might feed off each other and exclude your son. But one-on-one with your son, they will probably find something in common to do. Don't just say "he's not their main-go-to" and give up. You don't have to be BFF to have a good time together.

OP here: He actually is very close to one girl in the group and they're very good friends because our families are close and are good friends. They see each other one on one quite a bit, but my point is that she's got the preschool girls and is also already making friends with other girls in ES so naturally she is going to have other friends to hang with other than him, and I'd like the same for him. He's happy playing with anything, barbies, dolls etc.--it's not a gender thing. And even in Kindergarten he's made friends with the girls in addition to the boys. He's happy playing with either gender, as most kids are still at this age.

I thought he didn't have any friends? Get your story straight, crazy OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fixed the OP for everyone. YOU'RE WELCOME.

OP, my advice: your DS has plenty of social opportunities. He's 6. DCUM may have you convinced that the whole world lives with organized regular playdates, but that's just not true. If he's in in-person school right, he's getting plenty of socialization, and he will have plenty of time to make friends with his new classmates in 1st grade. Groups aren't bonded forever once they turn 7. The pandemic has been weird for everyone, he won't be an outlier.

For what it's worth, my 4th grader has just 2 really close friends, and my 1st grader says everyone in her class is her BFF. There is a huge range of what's typical. Bottom line, your DS is happy, so don't obsess over this. There are certainly many other real issues that are more worthy of "eating away" at you every day.
_____________

This is eating away at me every day and even though I try to tell myself this won't always be the case, it still makes me sad on a daily basis. My 6 year old son really has hardly any friends right now. He doesn't have a group to hang with and I can't help but think of my older DD who made a super close group of friends in kindergarten that she has stuck with now through MS (and this has been great for her during COVID times), and I was hoping the same for him before quarantine hit and well, that's just not the case.

I have a tight group of mom friends from his preschool, but they all happen to be moms of girls. There were only two boys in his preschool class and while I was friendly with those moms and he was friendly with those boys, those relationships drifted apart during COVID times. Plus he never asked to see those boys after quarantine hit, so I didn't push much to try to see them since it was sort of frustrating with trying to figure out ways to safely see each other I kind of gave up. The group of girls, however, were his main summer pod group since the moms and I are close and it was more natural to get together. We took sport activities together, met up at playgrounds, got together quite often and they do all love him (one wants to marry him when she's older) but in reality, he's not their main go-to. They all happen to go to the same neighboring ES and they're girls--so they're getting together to play barbies, AG dolls, etc., and they are all in girl scouts together, so I get it having a daughter myself that they're kind of doing their own thing.

We enrolled in private K, not our ES this year because he hates zoom, and while he is super happy in private K and has lots of friends to hang with during the school day, we haven't made inroads to set up play dates etc. There's no opportunity to meet parents, etc. and yes, I could try to reach out, but I just have not made the effort. I think part of me feels like, they're all going to go their separate ways next year (hopefully if school is back in session) that what is the point of trying? It's my own fault--I should try, but I know those kids won't be his longterm friends circle, so I haven't made the effort.

I have tried to connect with moms of other kindergartners at our neighborhood ES and have enrolled him in fall sports (and will do the same for spring) that I know typically kids from our ES participate in, but we only connected with one kid and my son and him didn't really hit it off (my son is really outgoing--this kid wasn't as much so I think my son was a little bored by him), so that sort of fizzled. None of my daughter's friends have younger siblings his age, so that's a dead end.

I know that this is not the end all be all and he will have that opportunity to make friends, but it is hard right now with him being so socially isolated. I am hoping if we can be in ES next year, we can start building relationships, but part of me worries it might too late and maybe those kids already have found their groups.

The good news is that he doesn't seem to notice--he's happy spend time with me on the weekends--we go hiking a ton and spend a lot of time outdoors together going on various adventures. But, I'm basically his only friend and maybe since I spend so much time with him, this gnaws at me. I keep reminding myself he's only 6--he's got a lot of time to make friends but I just feel like he's lost out on an entire year of making social connections. It just sucks. Just wanted to vent and share and see if anyone else is coping with this.

Thank you for doing this because it allowed me to see that her child in private K in-person school and has friends in school but OP wants him to have playdates BUT she hasn't reached out to any parents for playdates. So she's complaining that he doesn't have any friends even though she says he has friends at school and because she hasn't reached out to anyone for playdates. Also we are in the middle of a pandemic where her kid shouldn't be having playdates anyway. So...WTF???

OP is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he is doing great. Don’t stress. Your daughter is lucky but she is really the exception — tight group of girls that stays close from K to middle school? Wow. That’s just unlikely, given drama and natural drifting apart. Don’t hold your son to this standard.

It’s very possible he’ll make a close friend next year, and honestly one or two friends that really click is great for this age. Some people get to 4th or 5th grade and still haven’t found that relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried getting him together one-on-one with the girls from the summer group? I hate seeing all these gendered assumptions. My DS is best friends with 3 girls. Two of them like dolls, one hates dolls, one is a stereotypical pink-fanatic, one is a tomboy, one is a diva, but when they're together they tend to do creative things like arts and crafts or coming up with games to play.

The summer girls may have a "group" because of common interests like girl scouts, and I can see how a group of them together might feed off each other and exclude your son. But one-on-one with your son, they will probably find something in common to do. Don't just say "he's not their main-go-to" and give up. You don't have to be BFF to have a good time together.

OP here: He actually is very close to one girl in the group and they're very good friends because our families are close and are good friends. They see each other one on one quite a bit, but my point is that she's got the preschool girls and is also already making friends with other girls in ES so naturally she is going to have other friends to hang with other than him, and I'd like the same for him. He's happy playing with anything, barbies, dolls etc.--it's not a gender thing. And even in Kindergarten he's made friends with the girls in addition to the boys. He's happy playing with either gender, as most kids are still at this age.

Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -- Book of Matthew

OP, your son is doing fine. Why are you worrying about what might or might not happen down the road?

[Anonymous]

My 7 yo DS doesn't have many friends either. He's in first grade. He's not that social in general, and K got disrupted by covid, first grade has been hybrid with not as much social interaction as normal. He's got like one friend who's up for an outdoor playdate once in a while (except now it's really cold where we are) and another who appears to have drifted away (mom doesn't seem interested in maintaining relationship). He's still pretty happy.

It's a really weird time for a young kid to be starting school because they don't have the usual ways of making connections with other kids as in normal school. Next year it will be like everyone is new to school even though they've been there two years already.

It's different for his older sister who is in 5th grade, is very social, and also has friends that go back to K. Much easier to maintain a years-long friendship during a pandemic than to start a new one.

[Anonymous]

You’ve got an NT child who is sociable and makes friends in an age-appropriate way. I think the problem is your own anxiety.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you're way too worried about this and mainly just jealous that your friends all have daughters who are close and that you can't fully be a part of that. I have a 6.5 year old boy in first grade. I have better things to do than worry about whether he's doing enough playdates. He sees a few neighbor friends from for outdoor playdates once in a while but we're not part of some "tribe" (ugh) that gets together all the time. I just don't think boys are like that at this age. Several girls from his pre-K class are in an outdoor soccer thing we're doing right now and I can tell they are now "besties". Girls are ahead of boys when it comes to social/emotional stuff and they key in on who is/isn't their best friend, part of their friend group, etc. at an earlier age. I am happy to not have to deal with the drama.

DS is at a private school this year because we felt in person school was important. We'll probably stay at least one more year. He has made friends there but I haven't reached out to any parents because frankly we're in a pandemic and I don't know how responsible they're being outside of school. At least school is a controlled environment with masks. Now isn't really the time to be expanding social circles. I will probably reach out about playdates over the summer with a couple kids he really likes, assuming we're in a better place at that point. I will probably also reach out to the parents of his best friend from pre-K/K to see if they want to meet up outside. We did that once over the summer, but I know this kid has been in virtual school and overall the family has been very cautious. I don't feel right trying to arrange playdates with people who I know are more risk averse than we are. We're trying to stick with people who are on the same page as us right now (in person school with masks, playdates outside only, no gyms or indoor restaurants, etc.).

Stop trying to engineer your kid's social life. Just let him make friends at school, sign him up for activities you are comfortable with and see if he makes friends there. If he is happy that's what matters. And try to separate your friendship with the "girl moms" from your son's friendship (or lack thereof) with their daughters. Just get together without the kids. I have a big group of mom friends that all met when we had our babies. We did playgroups with all the kids for a long time. Before COVID those started to fizzle as kids got into sports etc. I have a feeling we won't do them at all post-COVID and it will just be the moms getting together. Our kids have developed their own personalities and interests by now so there's no point in making them play together. It will all be fine.