Feeling like life is "over" at 50 and I'm okay and at peace with it
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Anonymous
| Over the past 5 years I've been through a series of family tragedies, death, and serious personal loss. I don't want to get into the details of all the tragedy here because it is just to painful. I understand that I will never again have what I had in my early forties (healthy immediate family, career, etc.) The thing is, I think I'm okay and making peace with this. Is this okay? Does anyone else live like this? I have photos and memories of the good times with my family and now I enjoy my memories. I have absolutely no interest in trying to create a "new happy life" for myself. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this normal? I'm 50. |
Anonymous
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Yes I think so. I think your word choice "life is over" was a bit dramatic, but if you read the rest of your post, you are okay. Really, it's "THAT life is over and THIS life has begun, and I'm okay with it" is what I'm reading.
For me (55 y.o.) my past life is over, and it was both fun and hell and I'm glad I lived it but happy to be where I am now (and would not want to re-do it). For me, I was very career-driven and that's over, my parents and uncles/aunts are now dead and that is now over. Looking for a mate is over; being youthfully striking is over, not being a mom and being able to just concentrate on myself is over. For me, what is the *now* is DH and teenagers. In the near future, I'm looking forward to my one difficult teen being in college and so having more free time, then traveling with my DH. I am pretty excited about my future. Most of the time I'm at peace with having lived different lives, and some of them being over. |
Anonymous
| Never give up! There was a basketball coach named Jim Valvano who was dying of cancer and gave the most amazing speech about love, life and never giving up. I’m sure you can find it on YouTube. |
Anonymous
^ Good response. OP, I think we have to find our own joy. Whatever that may be, whatever stage of life it is. Right now, you are at a stage where you've been significantly impacted by losses. That understandably makes life seem empty. But that's transitory. The empty spaces will fill up once again, once you discover what it is that will fill them. Be open to every possibility! |
Anonymous
| Life is over if you live like it is. I am almost 60 and my life is fine as is. Go live your life and don't give up. |
Anonymous
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My parents experience life altering tragedy at that age. I assure you, given that they lived for an other 35+ years, life was far from over. It was a more difficult life in several respects, but it was also joyful and fulfilling, full of love and new people in their lives, and new experiences.
I think what helped them was perspective on what happened, what life is really about, and the value of moving forward through the tough spots to get to the other side -- there is always another side, even with permanent loss and disabilities that eventually become the new normal. Wishing you peace. |
Anonymous
| I agree with PP that the idea of one life being over is the way to think of it. My grandmother lost her husband at 50 to unexpected death and one of her two children a decade later to another unexpected death. She never dated or tried to replace the life that was lost. She did go back to work for 10 years (wanted a pension), made new friends from work, got a roommate, became an active grandma, kept up hobbies, etc. I am sure it was not the middle aged and retirement life she expected for herself. And I know she never got over in particular the loss of a child. But she made a different life for herself that was quite nice, including in some unexpected ways. |
Anonymous
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No. I'm 53 and I DGAF about what anyone thinks and I do what I want. I love this phase of life and would never go back to a younger age.
I don't know what personal tragedies you've faced, but if we were close friends I'd tell you to talk to a mental health professional because your outlook sounds depressed (and I really don't mean that in a snarky way.) |
Anonymous
| I'm 48 and feel this way. So much loss, so much stress and just really not a lot of joy. I think it's pretty clear that covid has made this so much worse - my hope is that when things start to resume some sense of normalcy that I feel better, but OP everything you said rings true with me right now. |
Anonymous
I think it’s very normal. My situation is different — many years of health troubles and facing that I’ll never have a normal amount of energy/function again — but I’ve come to a similar place of acceptance. My dumb little life with my family and pets is really all I need. And when my daughter moves on, or if my husband ever leaves, well, the pets and I will just take up some new hobbies. I’m fine. I’ve read studies on happiness that say women (all people? I just remember women for sure) feel happier and happier as they get older and older. It’s an upward curve. Considering how much loss happens in our senior years, including even economic pressures and loss of independence, I can only imagine the surveys are measuring this “I’m fine” outlook and not whatever is externally going on in their lives at the time. |
Anonymous
| (PP just adding, OP, I’m sorry to hear about your losses. It’s such a rough time for so many. Sending good wishes your way.) |
Anonymous
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I don't think it's normal for the 21st century. Maybe 1000 yrs ago when the life exectancy was lke 50, then yes, but now? No. I think you need to find something that gives you a new lease on life. 50 is way too young to just give up.
Obviously, the current climate is making a lot of people give up and depressed, but it will pass, eventually. -signed a 50 yr old |
Anonymous
| For all of us the past 12 months have sucked! I’m just optimistic that come July it won’t suck as much. |
Anonymous
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I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.
Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night). I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID. So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married. I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel |
Anonymous
PP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't give up--rest when you need to but don't give up. |