Feeling like life is "over" at 50 and I'm okay and at peace with it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all of us the past 12 months have sucked! I’m just optimistic that come July it won’t suck as much.

The last year has not sucked for everyone. It has been a truly awful year for some and more of an inconvenience for others (most). I suspect the OP's experience is closer to the first group. Please do not lump everyone into the same pile of suffering. There is a very wide variation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Over the past 5 years I've been through a series of family tragedies, death, and serious personal loss. I don't want to get into the details of all the tragedy here because it is just to painful. I understand that I will never again have what I had in my early forties (healthy immediate family, career, etc.) The thing is, I think I'm okay and making peace with this. Is this okay? Does anyone else live like this? I have photos and memories of the good times with my family and now I enjoy my memories. I have absolutely no interest in trying to create a "new happy life" for myself. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this normal? I'm 50.

I am so sorry for your losses. You need time to process and heal and find your new place. From your post, it sounds like you are making headway. Finding a place of peace where you can just breathe is fantastic. You are correct, it will never be the same. Do you have any sort of peer bereavement group to access? Finding other people who "get it" and help you carve out a place for yourself may help. I know it is hard to find at your age -but a bereavement therapist may be able to point you in the write direction.

Don't give yourself a timetable. Your feelings and wants and needs are valid just as they are. Be kind to yourself. If you find something that gives you joy, embrace it. ((((hugs))))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel

PP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please don't give up--rest when you need to but don't give up.

+1 I am thinking if you this morning. I hope each day gets a little better. Sending love. If you have people offering to help ACCEPT their offers. Don’t try to do everything on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel

I'm crying along right with you. I don't know what to say, I only have virtual hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel

I'm crying along right with you. I don't know what to say, I only have virtual hugs.

+1 Me too. More hugs from this internet strangeecwho thinks about you often.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel


OP here. I have also been thinking about this poster. Sending prayers of hope and healing your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel

HUGS PP! I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree. But I am not at peace with it. At all. I'm not ready to not have all the things I loved. I miss my family, relevancy, life.

I see that people dismiss older women in general, and apparently one has to be a super hero to avoid it- RBG, Pelosi, Sophia Loren, Hillary Clinton, etc. They still get credit for being alive, the rest of us- meh, who needs us(?)- no one. Something at 55 suggests to others that we are just taking up space or are even annoying. I want to be included.

Men don't always go through this.
Meanwhile I'll be grateful for my husband who loves me, my dogs, my friends, and any crumbs my kids throw at me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel


OP here. I have also been thinking about this poster. Sending prayers of hope and healing your way.

Hey, 57 year old male. I'm thinking about you today. And feel free to cry....you can.Cry whenever you want. Use a journal,
too. You'll have this behind you, and what a crappy year all around this was, but you'll be ahead of it by summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize with the feeling. Not to hijack your thread, but in August/Sept, I was feeling great. I was exercising, in the best shape in 20 years, recovering from a heart procedure with full gusto. I was feeling like, for the first time since I beat stage four cancer several years ago, that everything was good. I was down 15 lbs, but I figured it was because I was eating healthier and working out. Once COVID was past, things would be great.

Then, I started not feeling well. I was having problems digesting food -- I did not know why. CT scan showed the problem clearly: I had 30-40 tumors on my liver, and several more in surrounding my gallbladder with numerous suspicious. lymph nodes. Oh, and I was in severe abdominal pain (keeping me awake at night).

I am now three months into Chemo. I have averaged 1 week a month in the hospital. I do not know if it is working yet. Some symptoms are better, but I have to wear a damn bag to drain my gall bladder. My weight is down from 280 (yeah, I was big) to 200. None of my clothes fit me. I can only leave the house for medical appointments because I can not risk COVID.

So I am sitting here completely isolated from the world withering away to nothing. I am not going to see my daughter graduate college, or get feel. married.

I am a 57 yo male, supposed to be strong, crying while typing this. I know how you feel


OP here. I have also been thinking about this poster. Sending prayers of hope and healing your way.

Hey, 57 year old male. I'm thinking about you today. And feel free to cry....you can.Cry whenever you want. Use a journal,

Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I was hit with a serious, non-curable chronic illness this summer as well out of the blue. It has really walloped me and I have moments where I feel like the OP, like stick a fork in me -- I'm done. But I still have kids in middle school! So I have a ways to go before I can really pack it in. I think it is depression speaking -- both from Covid and my own startling diagnosis. I am optimistic I will feel better in a year or so. I have battled depression all my life and one thing I know is that it is cyclical.

Hang in there everyone, and be kind to yourselves.
too. You'll have this behind you, and what a crappy year all around this was, but you'll be ahead of it by summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kind of agree. But I am not at peace with it. At all. I'm not ready to not have all the things I loved. I miss my family, relevancy, life.

I see that people dismiss older women in general, and apparently one has to be a super hero to avoid it- RBG, Pelosi, Sophia Loren, Hillary Clinton, etc. They still get credit for being alive, the rest of us- meh, who needs us(?)- no one. Something at 55 suggests to others that we are just taking up space or are even annoying. I want to be included.

Men don't always go through this.
Meanwhile I'll be grateful for my husband who loves me, my dogs, my friends, and any crumbs my kids throw at me.

PP, I hope this passes once we are well on our way to getting through the pandemic. It’s clear from your post you don’t have peace right now.

I will be 55 relatively soon and do not consider myself an older woman. I still believe I’m middle-aged. The age I consider to be “older” continues to get higher as my birthdays come and go, lol.
Yes, things aren’t what they used to be and I can’t express how much I miss all the family members who have passed however, there’s a lot of life left to live.

All of the women you mentioned are much older than you, BTW (RBG, RIP). I’m don’t understand why there’s any comparison to them at all.

[Anonymous]

I turned 50 a few months ago and I’m struggling to envision a future for myself worth looking forward to.

Almost everyone I ever loved or was very close to in this life is dead now, I can count my close connections on one hand with fingers leftover. I have lots of friends from over the years who I’m sure think of me fondly and would tell me I’m important to them, yadda yadda yadda, but life is busy and especially by this age the active friend pool shrinks for many of us. I never married or had children - not something I planned and a huge source of grief in my life, especially my 3 lost pregnancies. My health broke down a few years ago so I had to walk away from the 80 hour week workaholism that kept me from thinking about all my regrets and grief. Now I’m in my head all the time and it’s a really painful place to be. I’ve battled depression for 30 years and finally realize it’s never going away. Being at the age when women become invisible is another layer of pain, especially as now I battle age discrimination on top of the struggles any lawyer faces trying to find employment in positions for which they’re very overqualified. I struggle financially so it’s not like I can look forward to world travel or any other childhood dreams being fulfilled, but rather I worry about how I might struggle in my elder years.

When I was in school all those years getting my undergraduate, graduate and law degrees I always used to look forward to when I’d finally have time to do all the pleasure reading I wanted to - and now I find myself with shelves of books I don’t read because cognitive issues linked to my health issues make reading far less appealing than it used to be.

One of my favorite songs as a teen was Jack & Diane - remember it? There’s a line in that song that struck me in my youth but which I didn’t understand until now - ‘life goes on - long after the thrill of living is gone.’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turned 50 a few months ago and I’m struggling to envision a future for myself worth looking forward to.

Almost everyone I ever loved or was very close to in this life is dead now, I can count my close connections on one hand with fingers leftover. I have lots of friends from over the years who I’m sure think of me fondly and would tell me I’m important to them, yadda yadda yadda, but life is busy and especially by this age the active friend pool shrinks for many of us. I never married or had children - not something I planned and a huge source of grief in my life, especially my 3 lost pregnancies. My health broke down a few years ago so I had to walk away from the 80 hour week workaholism that kept me from thinking about all my regrets and grief. Now I’m in my head all the time and it’s a really painful place to be. I’ve battled depression for 30 years and finally realize it’s never going away. Being at the age when women become invisible is another layer of pain, especially as now I battle age discrimination on top of the struggles any lawyer faces trying to find employment in positions for which they’re very overqualified. I struggle financially so it’s not like I can look forward to world travel or any other childhood dreams being fulfilled, but rather I worry about how I might struggle in my elder years.

When I was in school all those years getting my undergraduate, graduate and law degrees I always used to look forward to when I’d finally have time to do all the pleasure reading I wanted to - and now I find myself with shelves of books I don’t read because cognitive issues linked to my health issues make reading far less appealing than it used to be.

One of my favorite songs as a teen was Jack & Diane - remember it? There’s a line in that song that struck me in my youth but which I didn’t understand until now - ‘life goes on - long after the thrill of living is gone.’

Thanks for sharing, good post. {{hug}}

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I turned 50 a few months ago and I’m struggling to envision a future for myself worth looking forward to.

Almost everyone I ever loved or was very close to in this life is dead now, I can count my close connections on one hand with fingers leftover. I have lots of friends from over the years who I’m sure think of me fondly and would tell me I’m important to them, yadda yadda yadda, but life is busy and especially by this age the active friend pool shrinks for many of us. I never married or had children - not something I planned and a huge source of grief in my life, especially my 3 lost pregnancies. My health broke down a few years ago so I had to walk away from the 80 hour week workaholism that kept me from thinking about all my regrets and grief. Now I’m in my head all the time and it’s a really painful place to be. I’ve battled depression for 30 years and finally realize it’s never going away. Being at the age when women become invisible is another layer of pain, especially as now I battle age discrimination on top of the struggles any lawyer faces trying to find employment in positions for which they’re very overqualified. I struggle financially so it’s not like I can look forward to world travel or any other childhood dreams being fulfilled, but rather I worry about how I might struggle in my elder years.

When I was in school all those years getting my undergraduate, graduate and law degrees I always used to look forward to when I’d finally have time to do all the pleasure reading I wanted to - and now I find myself with shelves of books I don’t read because cognitive issues linked to my health issues make reading far less appealing than it used to be.

One of my favorite songs as a teen was Jack & Diane - remember it? There’s a line in that song that struck me in my youth but which I didn’t understand until now - ‘life goes on - long after the thrill of living is gone.’

PP just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 50 a few months ago and I’m struggling to envision a future for myself worth looking forward to.

Almost everyone I ever loved or was very close to in this life is dead now, I can count my close connections on one hand with fingers leftover. I have lots of friends from over the years who I’m sure think of me fondly and would tell me I’m important to them, yadda yadda yadda, but life is busy and especially by this age the active friend pool shrinks for many of us. I never married or had children - not something I planned and a huge source of grief in my life, especially my 3 lost pregnancies. My health broke down a few years ago so I had to walk away from the 80 hour week workaholism that kept me from thinking about all my regrets and grief. Now I’m in my head all the time and it’s a really painful place to be. I’ve battled depression for 30 years and finally realize it’s never going away. Being at the age when women become invisible is another layer of pain, especially as now I battle age discrimination on top of the struggles any lawyer faces trying to find employment in positions for which they’re very overqualified. I struggle financially so it’s not like I can look forward to world travel or any other childhood dreams being fulfilled, but rather I worry about how I might struggle in my elder years.

When I was in school all those years getting my undergraduate, graduate and law degrees I always used to look forward to when I’d finally have time to do all the pleasure reading I wanted to - and now I find myself with shelves of books I don’t read because cognitive issues linked to my health issues make reading far less appealing than it used to be.

One of my favorite songs as a teen was Jack & Diane - remember it? There’s a line in that song that struck me in my youth but which I didn’t understand until now - ‘life goes on - long after the thrill of living is gone.’

PP just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you.

PP here. Unfortunately, I just got bad news yesterday: cancer is not responding to chemo; tumors are continuing to grow.