How To Explain to 15 Year Old Son how to Deal with this
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Anonymous
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My 15 year old son just got into Discord to chat with his friends. There is a video game they play together and he joined a much bigger server open to people of all ages all over the world. I went on his computer once, and opened the application, and there were tons of messages from random strangers ganging up on him calling him "gay" saying he should "suck his dads d**k" "get a life", etc. more vile things. I asked him how he handles this, and he said he "responds to all of them with an insult directed toward them". I told him to block them and get off that community immediately, but he said it would feel like "letting them win". How do I explain how to walk away and it doesn't matter what they think to him?
He is very hurt that they were saying vile things about him and our family and saying he's gay when he's not. |
Anonymous
| Discord can be rough. My son (same age) has mentioned occasional nasty things like you mention, but he blocks and disengages, or so he says. Do you know what happened that he was ganged up on like that? Did he play poorly and people started attacking him in chat like that? Regardless it isn't his fault, of course - just that it would be helpful to understand with him whether this was a one-time occurance where some obnoxious trolls were in a game and got their jollies being jerks, or whether your son is experiencing this frequently. If it was one time, talk about a better approach next time and let it go, then ask in a few weeks whether its happened again and how he responded. If it is on the regular...he may need to stop using Discord for a bit. |
Anonymous
He said it started out they were joking and then quickly spiraled nastier and nastier, I'm sorry your son had to go through this too, did your son respond by just ignoring them, because that's something that my son has a hard time doing. He takes all the insults at face value, which is something that he needs to just let go. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry your son was upset, and that it got under his skin. It sounds like it was a one time incident, rather than a regular thing? If so I'd just keep coaching him. My son just isn't really reactive that way - he laughs it off, or just moves on. He plays a game called Rocketleague (video game car soccer. Don't ask me!) that he is good at. When he wins sometimes people are very nasty in the chat and call him names because they are mad they lost. He'll occasionally respond, but usually just says something slightly mocking "so sorry your feelings were hurt" and closes the chat. The internet really can be nasty. But at our boys' age we really need to teach them how to navigate it, rather than preventing them from engaging with it, because really soon we won't be able to protect them any more. We need to give them the tools to protect themselves. All the best to you both! |
Anonymous
Your son sounds like a great kid! I told mine to just ignore and tell himself that they don't know about him as a person and are just trying to bother him. I feel as if ignoring the nasty things being said is the best for your mental health. I couldn't agree more with what you're saying though, the internet isn't going anywhere so we have to teach them how to use it safely. |
Anonymous
| Seriously, that's what the 'mute' feature is for. Responding gives them an audience. That's how my kid handles it anyway. |
Anonymous
| “Gay” is still an insult causes hurt feelings in 2021? That might be something to explore, once the immediate issue is resolved. |
Anonymous
+1 Being called gay is not really an insult anymore |
Anonymous
| It might serve him well to learn to ignore the comments. |
Anonymous
Well they were telling him he "likes sucking his dads d**k", so they were taking it pretty far. |
Anonymous
| I’ve heard awful things about Discord! |
Anonymous
Do you think it was a compliment in this context? Come on. |
Anonymous
Discord really isn’t the problem. It’s like saying that the problem with all those insurrection plotters was Twitter. Yes, they used Twitter, but the problem was the people and what they were saying, and nasty, trollish, and abusive speech is on every platform. Even this one! Discord is used heavily by young gamers, so a majority of users are teens and young men. This is the same world our boys navigate on text, Snapchat, and the chat feature of every video game. I think parents can feel safe by saying “well, we won’t allow that dangerous Discord in the house!” when they are allowing other platforms that are just as bad. Discord isn’t different. |
Anonymous
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My kids play various games on line - sometimes even with each other. My youngest - now a college freshman even makes money coaching League - they all just ignore everything. If someone is really a fool the kid who coaches gets them banned, the others just ignore. Your kid is about the age of people who swear and insult others on line. Easiest to ignore, but it is easy to get people banned.
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Anonymous
Most people in the US are stupid. Cut off each coast and for the most part is a very different country with completely different values. Hence the political climate we have today. Gay people scare a lot of ignorant people because they can’t think for themselves, they just regurgitate what others say, weather it is their pastor or their ex president. |