Factors to consider when your student had anxiety?

[Anonymous]

This question is about a high school student with significant anxiety. Meds (several kinds) failed, and therapy is slow. My expectation is that by the time she starts college, she will have less/better managed anxiety, but it will still be present. She's currently in ninth grade, and I don't know that the most challenging course load is the right approach for her, even though she is very bright.

What additional factors should we consider when selecting colleges for the short list?
Any colleges known to be supportive atmospheres for these students? Or more understanding when considering applications?

I feel like life would be so much easier for her if she were bold and fierce and sassy, but that is not who she is.

[Anonymous]

My DS has anxiety and is a freshman in college. He liked smaller nurturing schools (unlike his large public high school). And he found a new therapist in his new college town, on recommendation from his therapist here.

I think he had a pretty good sense by junior and senior year in high school what he actually needs and likes and would work well for him (much better than when he was in 9th grade) so don't worry too much yet.

He likes college, has friends and works really hard. I think some aspects of covid are good for him - less partying is probably a good thing for him, for example.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry - this must be very hard, but you are obviously thinking practically.

My good friend's son had anxiety issues in HS addressed mostly, but not completely, by meds. He choose a big out of state university and ended up transferring to a school closer to home - still large, but had a lot of kids from his HS. He is thriving.

Issues my friend considered:

small school may be better - more hands on teachers/deans/advisors,

school closer to home may be better - encourage independence by living in dorms, but easy to visit

schools with lots of kids from her HS - familiar faces, some built in friends

As you get closer and have an idea of her grades/scores, I would really encourage you to pay for a consultation with a college counselor - there are some schools - like McDaniel in Maryland and Elon in NC that have a good reputation for working with kids with either behavioral health or learning disabilities.

[Anonymous]

Just checking--have you had her in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)?

[Anonymous]

OP - My HS kids haven't shown any anxiety, but I have it and it runs in our family. I strongly suggest that she does CBT. It is very helpful in learning to control your thinking, and therefore regain the feeling of control/power. I have suggested on this site before, but the Life Coach School podcast is a based on that method, and she talks about having anxiety. She brings in $10m+ every year, so it might be worthwhile for your DD to see that anxiety does not mean she cannot do big things. I so wish I'd learned this in HS, which would have helped me make decisions.

There are also workbooks on CBT that you can get on Amazon. There might also be life coaches for teens who focus on anxiety. I am a therapy proponent, but coaching is more forward-thinking and some benefit more from it. I had been in therapy for years, but it wasn't until I started learning and practicing CBT that it made a difference.

GL!

[Anonymous]

My high-anxiety kid is only a sophomore, but at present we are thinking NOVA or a couple of years delay before college. His anxiety is significant; we have had no help from the school with accommodations and now COVID. It is really too early for you to be thinking about this, but small and close-to-home sound like good parameters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - My HS kids haven't shown any anxiety, but I have it and it runs in our family. I strongly suggest that she does CBT. It is very helpful in learning to control your thinking, and therefore regain the feeling of control/power. I have suggested on this site before, but the Life Coach School podcast is a based on that method, and she talks about having anxiety. She brings in $10m+ every year, so it might be worthwhile for your DD to see that anxiety does not mean she cannot do big things. I so wish I'd learned this in HS, which would have helped me make decisions.

There are also workbooks on CBT that you can get on Amazon. There might also be life coaches for teens who focus on anxiety. I am a therapy proponent, but coaching is more forward-thinking and some benefit more from it. I had been in therapy for years, but it wasn't until I started learning and practicing CBT that it made a difference.

GL!

Thank you. Her psych picture is pretty complicated, but she is receiving evidence-based care. I used "therapy" as short-hand for the specific treatments she is receiving. I was concerned people would focus on treating the anxiety rather than answering my question, which is how to approach the college search process when anxiety is a given.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much to the posters who provided specific suggestions, re: college search. I agree that small and nurturing is likely the way to go (which might mean private or slightly out of state).

[Anonymous]

I've known several people with similar issues that have done very well at Mary Washington. It has a reputation for being the most nurturing of the VA publics.

[Anonymous]

Let her control it 100%. Give her the budget and stay out of it. That’s my primary piece of advice.

-Anxious teenager, now adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much to the posters who provided specific suggestions, re: college search. I agree that small and nurturing is likely the way to go (which might mean private or slightly out of state).

If you are in MD consider St. Mary's College of MD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her control it 100%. Give her the budget and stay out of it. That’s my primary piece of advice.

-Anxious teenager, now adult.

+1. Our DD had both anxiety and ADHD. We gave her financial parameters and let her take the lead on the rest. This was pre-Covid so she chose which schools she wanted to visit. Tours were really helpful for her to assess her comfort level at various schools. We didn’t offer our comments on the campuses until she shared hers and asked us for our opinion. She ultimately chose a SLAC and it was absolutely the perfect fit for her.

[Anonymous]

I would not send her further away that you can drive in a day.

That way, if you are worried or she needs extra support, you could drive up and say...take her out to lunch.

One of our neighbors had a child with a similar history. They let her go clear across the country. When she started having problems (both emotional and academically), it meant a lot of expensive flights. Plus one parent wound up having to stay in a hotel for weeks.

So, keep such kids close, which does not mean they cannot go away to school. Just prepare for all contingencies.

[Anonymous]

As a college advisor who sees a LOT of students with anxiety, one suggestion I have is for your student to take reduced course loads, especially at the start of college. I see too many students flail and fail when they might have been able to make steady progress toward a degree had they not been so wedded to a full-time, grad in four years model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - My HS kids haven't shown any anxiety, but I have it and it runs in our family. I strongly suggest that she does CBT. It is very helpful in learning to control your thinking, and therefore regain the feeling of control/power. I have suggested on this site before, but the Life Coach School podcast is a based on that method, and she talks about having anxiety. She brings in $10m+ every year, so it might be worthwhile for your DD to see that anxiety does not mean she cannot do big things. I so wish I'd learned this in HS, which would have helped me make decisions.

There are also workbooks on CBT that you can get on Amazon. There might also be life coaches for teens who focus on anxiety. I am a therapy proponent, but coaching is more forward-thinking and some benefit more from it. I had been in therapy for years, but it wasn't until I started learning and practicing CBT that it made a difference.

GL!

Thank you. Her psych picture is pretty complicated, but she is receiving evidence-based care. I used "therapy" as short-hand for the specific treatments she is receiving. I was concerned people would focus on treating the anxiety rather than answering my question, which is how to approach the college search process when anxiety is a given.

A couple of things: I think the question is off when you're not considering treatment as well. In CBT you would focus specifically on applying to college and your thoughts around it. You seem to be involved by saying she might not want a heavy course load. Has she said that? Or, are you projecting? In exposure therapy, she would take challenging course load if that's what she was afraid of. While I do believe that it's correct to say that anxiety is something you never get rid of, continually living your life through that filter will make you play small.

Also, kids mature A LOT from year to year in HS. My senior last year swore he was going to college only in a warm climate. This year he refused to apply to any of the schools he mentioned. She is just a freshman, give her time. You don't need to be focused on "factors to consider" at this point. She needs to be in the now, thinking of the future may certainly increase her anxiety.

You did not like my first answer, so you likely hate this one. But, I hope you will read it with an open mind and not put the added pressure on yourself right now, too.