Factors to consider when your student had anxiety?

[Anonymous]

PP to say if you want my credentials: I have a 9th grader too. Have not thought one iota of college for him. Who knows who he will be then?

[Anonymous]

A good group of schools to look at are the Colleges That Change Lives. I also agree with looking to see if you can do a reduced courseload - sometimes you can't, particularly if you have merit aid - although if you have accommodations via the Office of Disability Services, you may be able to get that accommodation. (So look into what documentation you might need for that such as a 504 plan in high school or a letter from a mental health provider.) We ended up having my DC start at community college with just 2 courses. (The downside of community college is that there is not much of a traditional college experience. But it keeps them moving forward.)

I have also heard good things about McDaniel for kids with anxiety. (And 100% agree with not having them too far away.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - My HS kids haven't shown any anxiety, but I have it and it runs in our family. I strongly suggest that she does CBT. It is very helpful in learning to control your thinking, and therefore regain the feeling of control/power. I have suggested on this site before, but the Life Coach School podcast is a based on that method, and she talks about having anxiety. She brings in $10m+ every year, so it might be worthwhile for your DD to see that anxiety does not mean she cannot do big things. I so wish I'd learned this in HS, which would have helped me make decisions.

There are also workbooks on CBT that you can get on Amazon. There might also be life coaches for teens who focus on anxiety. I am a therapy proponent, but coaching is more forward-thinking and some benefit more from it. I had been in therapy for years, but it wasn't until I started learning and practicing CBT that it made a difference.

GL!

Thank you. Her psych picture is pretty complicated, but she is receiving evidence-based care. I used "therapy" as short-hand for the specific treatments she is receiving. I was concerned people would focus on treating the anxiety rather than answering my question, which is how to approach the college search process when anxiety is a given.

A couple of things: I think the question is off when you're not considering treatment as well. In CBT you would focus specifically on applying to college and your thoughts around it. You seem to be involved by saying she might not want a heavy course load. Has she said that? Or, are you projecting? In exposure therapy, she would take challenging course load if that's what she was afraid of. While I do believe that it's correct to say that anxiety is something you never get rid of, continually living your life through that filter will make you play small.

Also, kids mature A LOT from year to year in HS. My senior last year swore he was going to college only in a warm climate. This year he refused to apply to any of the schools he mentioned. She is just a freshman, give her time. You don't need to be focused on "factors to consider" at this point. She needs to be in the now, thinking of the future may certainly increase her anxiety.

You did not like my first answer, so you likely hate this one. But, I hope you will read it with an open mind and not put the added pressure on yourself right now, too.

Not the OP, but I disagree that taking a challenging course load is the solution to having anxiety about college. Kids with anxiety are easily overwhelmed and have generally oversensitive nervous systems. Their level of anxiety may wax and wane but is often a lifelong condition. Continuing to move forward should be the goal, in the incremental steps that are manageable and ensure a likelihood of success. Slowly encouraging them out of their comfort zone is good, but jumping into the deep end of the pool without being able to swim is not.

I do think it's ok not to worry about this too much right now, OP. I also have a very anxious freshman (who has done residential treatment) and I have given no thought to college for that DC at this point. I am hoping that we will be in a very different place by the time we need to start the search. (But I have been down the road with older kids, including one who is also struggles with anxiety and depression.)

[Anonymous]

As others have offered, please know that things may change a lot in the next few years of high school. We have a bright senior who we did not push into the super competitive offerings for all. He has taken a mix of regular, honors, and an AP. We found that theatre class and other similar "ice breaker" type high participation type electives are great to build comfort and confidence in an otherwise anxious student.

We looked at schools that DS is interested in major/fit etc. within a 1-4 hour drive. If your DD is seeing a therapist virtually, you could consider continuing the same if needed in college.

[Anonymous]

My DS has anxiety. It helped that he went to a school just a little over an hour away. He worked very hard not to come home too often, but when his anxiety got bad my DH and I would go up there and take him out to breakfast. We wouldn’t stay long, but just knowing we could do that seemed to help him quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - My HS kids haven't shown any anxiety, but I have it and it runs in our family. I strongly suggest that she does CBT. It is very helpful in learning to control your thinking, and therefore regain the feeling of control/power. I have suggested on this site before, but the Life Coach School podcast is a based on that method, and she talks about having anxiety. She brings in $10m+ every year, so it might be worthwhile for your DD to see that anxiety does not mean she cannot do big things. I so wish I'd learned this in HS, which would have helped me make decisions.

There are also workbooks on CBT that you can get on Amazon. There might also be life coaches for teens who focus on anxiety. I am a therapy proponent, but coaching is more forward-thinking and some benefit more from it. I had been in therapy for years, but it wasn't until I started learning and practicing CBT that it made a difference.

GL!

Thank you. Her psych picture is pretty complicated, but she is receiving evidence-based care. I used "therapy" as short-hand for the specific treatments she is receiving. I was concerned people would focus on treating the anxiety rather than answering my question, which is how to approach the college search process when anxiety is a given.

A couple of things: I think the question is off when you're not considering treatment as well. In CBT you would focus specifically on applying to college and your thoughts around it. You seem to be involved by saying she might not want a heavy course load. Has she said that? Or, are you projecting? In exposure therapy, she would take challenging course load if that's what she was afraid of. While I do believe that it's correct to say that anxiety is something you never get rid of, continually living your life through that filter will make you play small.

Also, kids mature A LOT from year to year in HS. My senior last year swore he was going to college only in a warm climate. This year he refused to apply to any of the schools he mentioned. She is just a freshman, give her time. You don't need to be focused on "factors to consider" at this point. She needs to be in the now, thinking of the future may certainly increase her anxiety.

You did not like my first answer, so you likely hate this one. But, I hope you will read it with an open mind and not put the added pressure on yourself right now, too.

Not the OP, but I disagree that taking a challenging course load is the solution to having anxiety about college. Kids with anxiety are easily overwhelmed and have generally oversensitive nervous systems. Their level of anxiety may wax and wane but is often a lifelong condition. Continuing to move forward should be the goal, in the incremental steps that are manageable and ensure a likelihood of success. Slowly encouraging them out of their comfort zone is good, but jumping into the deep end of the pool without being able to swim is not.

I do think it's ok not to worry about this too much right now, OP. I also have a very anxious freshman (who has done residential treatment) and I have given no thought to college for that DC at this point. I am hoping that we will be in a very different place by the time we need to start the search. (But I have been down the road with older kids, including one who is also struggles with anxiety and depression.)

Well, the scholarly literature disagrees with you about exposure therapy and anxiety:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40688-020-00301-0
"Exposure and response prevention is an evidence-based intervention recommended as a first-line treatment for childhood anxiety disorders. Despite over a century of research establishing its efficacy, many school- and college-aged youth fail to receive timely and effective treatment."

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s40688-020-00301-0
"The basic supposition of cognitive theory is that a client's thoughts and beliefs about situations maintain distressing feelings, such as anxiety. Changing these beliefs involves detection and disputation of anxiety‐provoking thoughts, as well as testing of these thoughts through exposure to feared situations. Through a process of identifying existing beliefs about performance situations and challenging these beliefs, clients can gain a more realistic and less anxiety‐producing perspective on performance tasks."

[Anonymous]

Again - everyone has a different idea of what is "challenging." Her mom cited that as a solution. What is important is that DD makes decisions for herself, and by avoiding things that give her anxiety will make it worse.

[Anonymous]

Daughter has significant anxiety (as well as some executive function issues). Meds keep it at a moderate level. CBT only works if your child is willing to participate and do the activities. Mine wasn't and it was just causing MORE anxiety, so we went to talk therapy instead, which seems to work better for her. Keep in mind that you have very little control over her therapy once she's a legal adult, so try to find something that helps now.

Daughter is doing okay in her second year of college. Her grades aren't spectacular. But, she has made friends and is enjoying school. So, I would say it's been a mixed success.
Here's what worked:
1. Smallish college (but not too small--she needed the ability to "hide" a bit.)
2. Close to home (she came home or we went to visit her about once a month. It was also helpful to be able to scoop her up quickly when the school closed for COVID.)
3. Public school. It helped MY anxiety to feel that a failed course was not a huge waste of money since it was in-state tuition. And if she needs to go an extra semester or two, we'll be okay with the additional tuition.
4. Punched a bit below her weight. This was KEY. None of her college choices were stretches. They were all solid matches or a bit below. She got a burst of confidence from the acceptances and scholarship offers, the admissions process was easier, and she felt confident going in.
5. She's been taking full course loads, but has not taken multiple difficult classes each semester. Encourage them to take some easy courses they really enjoy, even if they aren't directly related to their major. My kid takes choir, for example.
6. My daughter's SAT scores were good enough for the colleges she picked (remember punching below her weight?). So we skipped doing SAT prep courses, multiple retakes, etc.
7. You may have to be more involved in the college choice process than other parents. It really helped to put parameters on cost and distance, since the sheer number of choices can be overwhelming.
8. During senior year, we had "college time" on some evenings and Sunday afternoons where we would talk about college and she would work on applications. Outside of these designated times, I tried to not mention college to her unless she brought it up. Try not to make college an all-consuming obsession.

Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter has significant anxiety (as well as some executive function issues). Meds keep it at a moderate level. CBT only works if your child is willing to participate and do the activities. Mine wasn't and it was just causing MORE anxiety, so we went to talk therapy instead, which seems to work better for her. Keep in mind that you have very little control over her therapy once she's a legal adult, so try to find something that helps now.

Daughter is doing okay in her second year of college. Her grades aren't spectacular. But, she has made friends and is enjoying school. So, I would say it's been a mixed success.
Here's what worked:
1. Smallish college (but not too small--she needed the ability to "hide" a bit.)
2. Close to home (she came home or we went to visit her about once a month. It was also helpful to be able to scoop her up quickly when the school closed for COVID.)
3. Public school. It helped MY anxiety to feel that a failed course was not a huge waste of money since it was in-state tuition. And if she needs to go an extra semester or two, we'll be okay with the additional tuition.
4. Punched a bit below her weight. This was KEY. None of her college choices were stretches. They were all solid matches or a bit below. She got a burst of confidence from the acceptances and scholarship offers, the admissions process was easier, and she felt confident going in.
5. She's been taking full course loads, but has not taken multiple difficult classes each semester. Encourage them to take some easy courses they really enjoy, even if they aren't directly related to their major. My kid takes choir, for example.
6. My daughter's SAT scores were good enough for the colleges she picked (remember punching below her weight?). So we skipped doing SAT prep courses, multiple retakes, etc.
7. You may have to be more involved in the college choice process than other parents. It really helped to put parameters on cost and distance, since the sheer number of choices can be overwhelming.
8. During senior year, we had "college time" on some evenings and Sunday afternoons where we would talk about college and she would work on applications. Outside of these designated times, I tried to not mention college to her unless she brought it up. Try not to make college an all-consuming obsession.

Good luck, OP.

Great advice.