Husband Desperately Want to Have A Boy

[Anonymous]

I am 14 weeks pregnant with our second child. Our first is a lovely girl, we adore her. My husband has stated over and over that he really wants the second child to be a boy, I could not care less and whatever comes I will be happy. However, lately he has been behaving in a manner that has be a bit worried about what will happen if we have a girl. He has started to call the fetus by a name (a boy's name of course). He'll say stuff like "how is X feeling today" or "you need to eat more, becasue X may be hungry". I usually take it in good spirits and every now and again, I make a comment like "Who is X".

Anyway, something happened last night that really freaked me out. All three of us were lying in bed and my daughter said that she wanted a baby sister (she does not know that I am pregnant but have been talking about a sibling for sometime). My husband interjected (playfully) and said, "no you want a baby brother". They went at it for a few minutes, she said sister, he said brother. About an hour later after my daughter had gone to bed I told my husband that I think that he really needs to consider the possibility that our second child may be a girl. The man's response was to totally shut me down, he did not want to talk about it, he said that I was jinxing him and that I need to keep a positive attitude. Well, I just did not know how to respond to that.

So now I am worried, his relationship with our daughter is not great, she is definately a mommy's girl and I wonder if having a second girl will make him less interested in participating in parenting.

We have not discussed whether we should try and find out the sex of the baby but now I am thinking that I need to, the thought being that the sooner he know for sure what we have having the more time he will have to come to terms with it (especially if its a girl).

What do others think? I am reading too much into this. I would really love to hear from some dads.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Has he said WHY he is so set on a boy?

[Anonymous]

First of all, I totally think you should find out the sex! Do not let your DH go all pregnancy thinking and hoping it's a boy in case he's wrong. I'm not sure what type of advice to offer othetr than that. My initial thoughts for most of your post were that I could be the same way next pregnancy (currently pregnant with our first, a boy) wanting a girl but then when you said yourDH's relationship was not great with your DD, I became a little more concerned. I wanted the baby I am carrying now to be a girl but the moment I found out it was a boy I was as thrilled as could be and now I already love this little guy so much and I don't think I could possibly love a girl any more than I love him. I am hoping it goes the same way the next time around. But your DH's desire for a boy sounds way more extreme than my desire for a girl. Sorry. Not much to say except good luck.

[zumbamama]

I'd be upset if DH took that attitude. If you have a girl, he will be upset. If you have a boy, your DD may will the favoritism. I think you are right to be concerned.

The male chromosome determines the baby's sex. So if you keep having girls, tell him it's not your fault he has girl sperm.

No but seriously...maybe try counseling if talking him doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

I would find out and show him basic online sources proving that it's his fault that it's not a boy in case it's a girl.
What a jerk!

[Anonymous]

i would actually be less worried about being blamed for not having a girl and more worried about him venting his frustration in whatever way on the daughters.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he really thinks it will be a boy? Just from father's instincts. When pregnant with DC #1, I swore it was a boy, and called him by name throughout the pregnancy. Sometimes, my husband would say, "But what if it's a girl?" I was right, and it was a boy. If it was a girl, I wouldn't have been upset, even though I was highly anticipating a boy. This time around, we don't know the sex yet, and I could swear it's a girl this time, and even call her by name. For some reason, it just seems natural to me. and when DH says, "What if it's a boy?" I just say, "I think it's a girl." I just have that strong of a feeling. Maybe your husband feels the same?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry that you have to deal with such behavior from your husband. Maybe you shouldn't find out the sex. Then, when it arrives, he will just have to deal with it and love it immediately? Seems like there is not easy answer here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i would actually be less worried about being blamed for not having a girl and more worried about him venting his frustration in whatever way on the daughters.

Op here, this is my worry as well because in my husband's case venting his frustration would basically mean ignoring them as much as he can. This is basically how he deals with people or things that he finds unpleasant. I will give him a day or two and then talk to him again. I will specifically ask why he wants a boy so badly - never occured to me to ask before. I can't wait for 20 weeks to get here.

Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what to tell you, OP. It sounds like a horrible situation regardless. You have a second daughter, he ignores both children. You have a son, he clearly favors the son over daughter. Irrespective of whether you have a girl or boy with this second, I think you have a problem on your hands. Could this be a cultural issue? Can you try to get your husband to agree to counselling. If, in fact, he really favors a boy and ignores his girl(s), I just wonder what the lasting effect will be on your daughter. Perhaps I am blowing this out of proportion, but it sounds odd to me.

For example, I have 2 boys and am pregnant with my third. DH and I clearly want a little girl b/c we already have two boys and this is our last child and a little girl would be great...blah blah blah. But we have always said that - at the end of the day - we would be happy with any little healthy child. Three boys would even be super cool. Now, we found out we are having a girl and are over the moon, but it isn't like having a girl in any way diminishes how much we love our boys. We just wanted to mix things up. Your scenario sounds a little different to me...

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like your family doesn't really need another dick.

[Anonymous]

<>snort<> 19:11.

OP, what country are you / your husband from? Mideast? Curious. I have a strong sense this is a cultural thing, your husband's (a) boy hang-up and b) apparently feeling really free to say such things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i would actually be less worried about being blamed for not having a girl and more worried about him venting his frustration in whatever way on the daughters.

Op here, this is my worry as well because in my husband's case venting his frustration would basically mean ignoring them as much as he can. This is basically how he deals with people or things that he finds unpleasant. I will give him a day or two and then talk to him again. I will specifically ask why he wants a boy so badly - never occured to me to ask before. I can't wait for 20 weeks to get here.

Thanks everyone.

Are you happily married?

[Anonymous]

Wow, that would have me very concerned as well.

OP, what is your husband's family compositions and what are his relationships like with his parents, siblings, etc. I just wonder if there is some explanation for his thoughts and behavior. Maybe getting to the bottom of it can help you figure out the best way to approach it.

I can see benefits to finding out the sex early versus waiting to find out in this situation.

I hope you get some clear answers.

[Anonymous]

we are currently expecting #2 after a first daughter, and my husband also really wanted a boy (for a number of reasons), which is why we did decided to find out at the 20 week u/s. Turns out #@ is another girl, and this gives him time to come to terms with that sense of loss before our daughter arrives so he can just be happy once she gets here.

So I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with the idea of really wanting a boy - my husband is very close to his father, has a lot of really strong male relationships, etc., so i can understand why he would mourn the loss of opportunity to have that relationship. But what worries me about your post isn't that your husband wants a boy, but that he doesn't have a great relationship with your daughter. My husband may have wanted a boy, but once our daughter was here and he got to know her, he wouldn't have her be a boy for anything, and I know he will feel the same way about our 2nd daughter

So I really 2nd the recommendations to talk about this stuff with your husband, so try and figure out why it is he wants a boy so much, and to help him work through that. You might also take the chance to figure out why his relationship with your #1 is difficult, and if there are things you all could change to help that.

Good luck OP. And the good news is that you do have a long time before this baby is actually here to work through this together.