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Expectant and Postpartum Moms
Husband Desperately Want to Have A Boy
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Anonymous
he should know that if it's a boy or a girl it's his "mistake" 
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Anonymous
Ack! My husband's middle eastern. But he ADORES both his daughters. Just sayin. Although I do agree there is often a cultural preference. But I'm not sure it would explain how vehement the OP's husband is about this issue. |
Anonymous
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"Sounds to me like your family doesn't really need another dick."
And how! |
Anonymous
| If he has a healthy second baby, he should be extremely grateful, boy or girl. Tell him to get a real problem. |
Anonymous
Ha! I was going to say...it sounds like you're about to have your third baby, not your second. Seriously, his behavior is very immature. I'd go to couseling. |
Anonymous
| Too bad your husband hasn't had the opportunity to spend time in a NICU unit. Seeing those little babies struggling just to live might change his perspective. |
Anonymous
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my brother is very much like this (italian family). he really wants a boy. i'm sure he would ignore a girl a little not because he didn't like her, but because he wouldn't know what to do with her. and trust me, you'd NEVER get my brother into councelling. I'm sorry, this isn't exactly advice, just sharing. i do think my brother would love a little girl, like i said, it just wouldn't occur to him that you can do the same things with a girl as you can with a boy.
i grew up in a house where he was favored a bit because he was a boy. however, it made me who i am and i actually always excelled in things trying to get attention...of course, i could have gone the other way to get attention. good thing i didnt! that's why i wanted a girl when i got pregnant. i wanted to prove, i guess to myself, that girls can be preferred. i ended up with a boy, and oh how i adore him!! i just have to show him how not to be like that. luckily, my husband is not like that at all. |
Anonymous
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my stepdad is the same way. it is highly annoying. i am having twins, and ever since we broke the news he asks me "how are the boys" and other comments like, "this family has enough girls". i just sent him and my mom a picture of the twins the other day and he said they look like boys...um the picture was of their heads....so i don't know what the hell he was talking about.
then we found out the sex - b/g twins. he said, "yeah this family needs a boy, and i guess you women got your girl". it bothers me too... |
Anonymous
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Find out the sex. If it is a girl, allow him a couple days to mourn that (out of earshot of his daughter).
If he still persists in being a jerk about it, you need to be firm with him. Tell him that he needs to get a grip and move on. He has a daughter and now will have 2 (if that is the case). He is not to make his daugther(s) feel lesser and that you will not stand by and allow that to happen. I am most worried about if you have a son and the effect that will have on your DD. |
Anonymous
| Maybe he feels left out? You said your daughter is a mommy's girl so maybe he's worried with another girl the 3 of you will have a bond that he won't be part of or that there will be nobody like him in the house. I have heard people express similar concerns although they are generally only admitted to after a baby turned out to be a boy. Does your daughter have any interests in common with daddy that you could emphasize/encourage? |
Anonymous
Op here, i think that you hit the nail on the head with this one. Re the second prong of your post, i have tried a million times since she was a baby to get him create something special between them. I even put her in soccer one summer and asked if he could take her, well guess who ended up going to all the classes. In his defense, he is finally starting to try, but now she is resisting, for example she has on more than one occasion, opted to go to bed without a book instead of having him read to her - yes, it is that bad. |
Anonymous
I was wondering if this was maybe part of the problem. Op - I think you need to force the situation a bit to create opportunities for your DH and daughter to bond. Not by picking activities, etc., but by forcing them to spend time together by simply not being available. Waiting on #2 is the perfect time to get some time to yourself - so go away with a friend for a couple of days, or a weekend here and there. Schedule a class for you some weekday evening so your husband HAS to be the one to do the evening routine with your daughter. Or schedule something for Sat/Sun morning, and let that be daddy / daughter time. And then let them muddle through to figuring out their own way of doing things / what they want to do - with no control (or rescuing!) by Mom. And even if their time together turns out to be watching Dora (or football) on TV, I really think that the simple act of spending time together will help the relationship. |
Anonymous
| Couples counseling could only help. Would he be open to it? |
Anonymous
| I think it's perfectly natural and normal for a man to want, even pine for a son, in the same way many women yearn for a little girl. There's not anything necessarily sexist about it, and although you cannot help but be a little troubled by DH's comments, it may not signal future problems. Our first was a girl, and DH and I really wanted another little girl. When we went to the u/s and found it was a boy, he was disappointed, and stayed sad (although quietly) until baby was born. Now they're buddies, and relationship is getting stronger all the time as DS gets more personality (he's 6 months old). As an added bonus, when #2 comes around, your DD will naturally turn to DH for more attention and support, and it should deepen their relationship, regardless of the gender of the baby. In the meantime, try not to beat DH up too much about his feelings - it may only make things worse - and gently encourage DH/DD's relationship by removing yourself (and enjoying some alone time in the process). |
Anonymous
Just FYI, OP. We have a boy, and my son acts much the same way. He is VERY attached to me and even says things like "I don't love you , Daddy. I love Mommy." My husband is an incredibly involved and loving father, so this has nothing to do with how much time he has invested. Kids sometimes have a favorite parent for a time (and who the favorite parent is can change without warning). Luckily, my husband is mature enough to understand that this is a phase and that our son really does love him - even if he doesn't act like it sometimes. They are just little kids for pete's sake! |