Husband Desperately Want to Have A Boy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he really thinks it will be a boy? Just from father's instincts. When pregnant with DC #1, I swore it was a boy, and called him by name throughout the pregnancy. Sometimes, my husband would say, "But what if it's a girl?" I was right, and it was a boy. If it was a girl, I wouldn't have been upset, even though I was highly anticipating a boy. This time around, we don't know the sex yet, and I could swear it's a girl this time, and even call her by name. For some reason, it just seems natural to me. and when DH says, "What if it's a boy?" I just say, "I think it's a girl." I just have that strong of a feeling. Maybe your husband feels the same?

I think it's a little different for the person who actuallys has the fetus growing inside....anyway, I was convinced DC#2 was a girl for a variety of reasons. Uhm, yeah, no. Boy. Even mother's instict is wrong.

I'm wondering why you'd even want to have another child when you're DH doesn't have a good relationship with your child....think I'd try to work on that first. But guess that's a different thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has a healthy second baby, he should be extremely grateful, boy or girl. Tell him to get a real problem.

He's got a real problem--he's a giant ass!!

[Anonymous]

OP have you told him that it's the man's sperm the part responsible for having a boy or a girl growing inside of you?
How can he direct his frustration to the child when it's only his fault?

[Anonymous]

Clearly he needs help and as a couple, you need some guidance. OP -- there are some great couples therapists out there. OR if he's resistant, maybe go talk to someone yourself to have an objective person to a) be able to vent to and b) get some insights into how to deal with all of these issues that are arising with him ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my stepdad is the same way. it is highly annoying. i am having twins, and ever since we broke the news he asks me "how are the boys" and other comments like, "this family has enough girls". i just sent him and my mom a picture of the twins the other day and he said they look like boys...um the picture was of their heads....so i don't know what the hell he was talking about.
then we found out the sex - b/g twins. he said, "yeah this family needs a boy, and i guess you women got your girl". it bothers me too...

I'd tell your stepfather that he either has to learn to shut his mouth, or he will not have access to his grandkids. Seriously. It's not okay to talk this way around young children, and I'm assuming he has very little impulse control. I'd put my foot down, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he feels left out? You said your daughter is a mommy's girl so maybe he's worried with another girl the 3 of you will have a bond that he won't be part of or that there will be nobody like him in the house. I have heard people express similar concerns although they are generally only admitted to after a baby turned out to be a boy. Does your daughter have any interests in common with daddy that you could emphasize/encourage?

Op here, i think that you hit the nail on the head with this one. Re the second prong of your post, i have tried a million times since she was a baby to get him create something special between them. I even put her in soccer one summer and asked if he could take her, well guess who ended up going to all the classes. In his defense, he is finally starting to try, but now she is resisting, for example she has on more than one occasion, opted to go to bed without a book instead of having him read to her - yes, it is that bad.

And yet you decided to have another child with this man???? Okay, now I'm PISSED! Why? Why would you submit another innocent child to that kind of father? Clearly, he loves conditionally. Forget it. You need counseling, with or without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you decided to have another child with this man???? Okay, now I'm PISSED! Why? Why would you submit another innocent child to that kind of father? Clearly, he loves conditionally. Forget it. You need counseling, with or without him.

Don't you think you are overreacting a bit? OP's husband just might not know what to do with a little girl. Some men have a harder time bonding with young children (and certainly little girls) than others. I didn't get the sense that OP's husband doesn't love her daughter. She even said he is starting to make more of an effort. You are "PISSED" because....???

This also could be more of a young baby/toddler issue than a girl/boy issue - it is just that OP's DH doesn't know that yet and thinks he will be able to bond instantly with a boy. I would guess a lot of fathers are less engaged during the first 2-3 years, but then become much more so when the child starts interacting back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And yet you decided to have another child with this man???? Okay, now I'm PISSED! Why? Why would you submit another innocent child to that kind of father? Clearly, he loves conditionally. Forget it. You need counseling, with or without him.

Don't you think you are overreacting a bit? OP's husband just might not know what to do with a little girl. Some men have a harder time bonding with young children (and certainly little girls) than others. I didn't get the sense that OP's husband doesn't love her daughter. She even said he is starting to make more of an effort. You are "PISSED" because....???

This also could be more of a young baby/toddler issue than a girl/boy issue - it is just that OP's DH doesn't know that yet and thinks he will be able to bond instantly with a boy. I would guess a lot of fathers are less engaged during the first 2-3 years, but then become much more so when the child starts interacting back.

In the OP's own words, "she has on more than one occasion, opted to go to bed without a book instead of having him read to her - yes, it is that bad. "

I'm not willing to make excuses for people who bring children into screwed up relationships.