I know this is completely unethical

[Anonymous]

I've been in a very long term relationship. We recently got engaged and I found out he's been seeing someone else. We had been trying to get pregnant for about 6 months. For a few weeks he's become verbally abusive. He wasn't always this way. When I found out about the new relationship I was already pregnant. I've also found a few dating profiles. I stopped looking because it's hurtful. I've spoken to my therapist about our relationship and she says it sounds like he's " escalating". I'm in my late 30s time is not on my side. I'm not going to terminate. I am however considering telling him I lost the pregnancy and going home to be with my family. They live a few thousand miles away we have no mutual friends. Is there anyway he can later come back and take my child from me?

Thanks for any and all advice

[Anonymous]

Yes. He is the child’s father and has the rights the father has. This goes even if you lie to him and even if you don’t name him on the birth certificate.

Your option to not have a relationship with this man for 19 more years is to have an abortion. What is what I would do, hands down. A sperm donor is better than what you have here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. He is the child’s father and has the rights the father has. This goes even if you lie to him and even if you don’t name him on the birth certificate.

Your option to not have a relationship with this man for 19 more years is to have an abortion. What is what I would do, hands down. A sperm donor is better than what you have here.

I've thought about this a lot. I won't get into it but this pregnancy is a miracle. We were trying because we weren't using condoms. I was told I'd never be able to conceive.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

[Anonymous]

Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

[Anonymous]

If you really don't want to terminate the pregnancy, then I would go home to your family first and then tell him it's over. Also, seek advice from a family lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Sounds messed up but I doubt he’s want to be involved anyway. He’s already checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

This is my hope. From what I've read if I gave birth on the other side of the country there's not a lot he can do. If I gave birth here I could be made to stay?? I'm still reading. He and his family have a lot of money and I come from nothing. My worry is they will use their money and influence to take my baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He could request a paternity test if he finds out the child was born and the birthday with the expected delivery date.
He could move to the same state as OP and request visitation rights.

[Anonymous]

Think hard. You've been in a "very long term relationship" yet you don't have a SINGLE mutual acquaintance who would realize by word of mouth over the next decade or so that you had a child? This would be easier to pull off if it was a one night stand, but if you've been with someone for years, you must know at least ONE person in common... like a neighbor...

[Anonymous]

the birthday coincides ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He can't come to my appo because of covid. But he's pretty involved. He's always wanted a biological child. He's much older than me. I like the sperm donor idea, thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

This is my hope. From what I've read if I gave birth on the other side of the country there's not a lot he can do. If I gave birth here I could be made to stay?? I'm still reading. He and his family have a lot of money and I come from nothing. My worry is they will use their money and influence to take my baby.

If there is 50-50 joint custody, and one parent wants to move, then no, that parent cannot take the child with them.

[Anonymous]

I would feel exactly zero guilt with this approach, OP.
However I don't know about the legal side of it. It seems that once you're far away, it would be hard for him to get custody, but I could be wrong. My only concern really would be the risk of the baby inheriting unwanted medical or psychiatric traits. Ask him for his family's medical history before you cut off contact...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He could request a paternity test if he finds out the child was born and the birthday with the expected delivery date.
He could move to the same state as OP and request visitation rights.

I doubt he would ever move to that area. He's tied to wear he is for the foreseeable future because of his families business and his role in the company.