I know this is completely unethical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t put anything in writing, don’t text about it or email.

How far along are you?

13 weeks

[Anonymous]

Do you think he would care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think hard. You've been in a "very long term relationship" yet you don't have a SINGLE mutual acquaintance who would realize by word of mouth over the next decade or so that you had a child? This would be easier to pull off if it was a one night stand, but if you've been with someone for years, you must know at least ONE person in common... like a neighbor...

We have a few friends but they are " my friends". They are all disgusted that he would cheat, and put me at risk during covid. I am very high risk.

Okay, but imagine a few years from now they bump into him at a restaurant, and theyve had a few drinks, and they tell him you had the baby. Because that will be hanging over your head for the next 20 years.

They aren't local and currently hate him. We have made not 1 friend together. Only a handful of people know I'm pregnant. I had a few scares early on and didn't think it was a viable pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Sounds messed up IMO.

Be careful making long term decisions with short term information. You are dealing with very permanent things. You need to look into it more, maybe with a lawyer, before deciding.

I also think you need to consider what you will tell your child in 8, 15, 20, 30 years. Will you be ready for them to know what you’re deciding now?

[Anonymous]

That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think he would care?

Yes. I think he would spend 10 of thousands fighting with me in court.

[Anonymous]

I posted before but having thought more about this:

My concern would not be for this sorry excuse of a man. It's for the child. Personally, I would not want to terminate a healthy pregnancy, and a much-wished-for baby. There's a good chance you'll keep the baby anyway if you move rapidly enough.

But you'll eventually need to tell your child about his medical history and, therefore, parentage. And then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's totally okay. When the baby is born and they ask at the hospital for the baby's name, just say it was a one night stand and you don't remember the guy's name.

Go now. Get somewhere safe.

Thank you I'm currently getting my ducks in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I posted before but having thought more about this:

My concern would not be for this sorry excuse of a man. It's for the child. Personally, I would not want to terminate a healthy pregnancy, and a much-wished-for baby. There's a good chance you'll keep the baby anyway if you move rapidly enough.

But you'll eventually need to tell your child about his medical history and, therefore, parentage. And then what?

I think I would have a more in depth conversation when they're in their teens. I imagine there will be resentment. I don't want to stick around and let this escalate to him punching me in the face. I also don't want any aggression taken out on my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

This is my hope. From what I've read if I gave birth on the other side of the country there's not a lot he can do. If I gave birth here I could be made to stay?? I'm still reading. He and his family have a lot of money and I come from nothing. My worry is they will use their money and influence to take my baby.

DO NOT have the baby here if you don’t want to stay forever.

You need to tell him you’re going to visit family. Then go to an unknown to him location (so he can’t come looking for you). Then tell you’re breaking the engagement, and not coming back.

Then talk to a lawyer about the baby. Yes, you need to pay someone a few hundred bucks to look at the facts and give you advice. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. You don’t say how far along you are, but I hope it’s like 4 or 5 weeks.

[Anonymous]

BTW, OP, erase your browser history and change your account passwords on your devices.

You don't want him finding this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a family law expert, but it’s your fetus your choice. I doubt a judge would award 50/50 custody down the road if the dad is geographically elsewhere and seeks partial custody

This is my hope. From what I've read if I gave birth on the other side of the country there's not a lot he can do. If I gave birth here I could be made to stay?? I'm still reading. He and his family have a lot of money and I come from nothing. My worry is they will use their money and influence to take my baby.

DO NOT have the baby here if you don’t want to stay forever.

You need to tell him you’re going to visit family. Then go to an unknown to him location (so he can’t come looking for you). Then tell you’re breaking the engagement, and not coming back.

Then talk to a lawyer about the baby. Yes, you need to pay someone a few hundred bucks to look at the facts and give you advice. Don’t put him on the birth certificate. You don’t say how far along you are, but I hope it’s like 4 or 5 weeks.

13 weeks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I posted before but having thought more about this:

My concern would not be for this sorry excuse of a man. It's for the child. Personally, I would not want to terminate a healthy pregnancy, and a much-wished-for baby. There's a good chance you'll keep the baby anyway if you move rapidly enough.

But you'll eventually need to tell your child about his medical history and, therefore, parentage. And then what?

I think I would have a more in depth conversation when they're in their teens. I imagine there will be resentment. I don't want to stick around and let this escalate to him punching me in the face. I also don't want any aggression taken out on my child.

OK, those are all valid points. You'll have to plan rapidly, then, and do what PP says - don't give them the father's name at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

And do not EVER post about this child on the internet. No Facebook posts, no Twitter about motherhood, no Instagram posts. Nothing. Those can get back to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
BTW, OP, erase your browser history and change your account passwords on your devices.

You don't want him finding this thread.

I'm on my phone and hadn't thought of this, thank you