I know this is completely unethical

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He can't come to my appo because of covid. But he's pretty involved. He's always wanted a biological child. He's much older than me. I like the sperm donor idea, thank you.

You can't do that to him. Even if he is cheating on you. Even if he's been verbally abusive to you. Can you imagine, if you gave birth and your partner told you the baby died of SIDS while you were asleep, and it turns out he just took the baby elsewhere and then raised it without you, because he found out you cheated on him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would feel exactly zero guilt with this approach, OP.
However I don't know about the legal side of it. It seems that once you're far away, it would be hard for him to get custody, but I could be wrong. My only concern really would be the risk of the baby inheriting unwanted medical or psychiatric traits. Ask him for his family's medical history before you cut off contact...

We have had this discussion before we conceived. As far as I know there isn't any psychiatric issues. A close family member has some health issues I'd rather not go into.

[Anonymous]

I think what you’re doing is fine... for you. But what are you going to tell this child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think hard. You've been in a "very long term relationship" yet you don't have a SINGLE mutual acquaintance who would realize by word of mouth over the next decade or so that you had a child? This would be easier to pull off if it was a one night stand, but if you've been with someone for years, you must know at least ONE person in common... like a neighbor...

We have a few friends but they are " my friends". They are all disgusted that he would cheat, and put me at risk during covid. I am very high risk.

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the typos and misspellings I'm upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He could request a paternity test if he finds out the child was born and the birthday with the expected delivery date.
He could move to the same state as OP and request visitation rights.

I doubt he would ever move to that area. He's tied to wear he is for the foreseeable future because of his families business and his role in the company.

If he has the money and really wants a biological child, he could have used a surrogate with his sperm. And if he really wants you to have a child with him, why does he cheat? Is he going to be a good father or a selfish abusive jerk?

[Anonymous]

OP if he is excited about the baby and seems to want to be an involved father- you are not going to be able to get away with this. Although I sympathize with you. If you want to have this baby, move across the country first and then tell him after the baby is born that you thought you miscarried, but you hadn't. Then ask him for child support. If he doesn't want to pay child support, he can terminate his parental rights if you give it the okay I think. And if he does want to be involved, then he'll pay you decent child support and he will have some custody too, yes, because he is the father.

If you want to have a child on your own, having the baby of your long term boyfriend/fiance who sounds like a massive jerk but has shown that he wants to have a child... is a bad idea. Because he wont' go away.

[Anonymous]

Don’t put anything in writing, don’t text about it or email.

How far along are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think hard. You've been in a "very long term relationship" yet you don't have a SINGLE mutual acquaintance who would realize by word of mouth over the next decade or so that you had a child? This would be easier to pull off if it was a one night stand, but if you've been with someone for years, you must know at least ONE person in common... like a neighbor...

We have a few friends but they are " my friends". They are all disgusted that he would cheat, and put me at risk during covid. I am very high risk.

Okay, but imagine a few years from now they bump into him at a restaurant, and theyve had a few drinks, and they tell him you had the baby. Because that will be hanging over your head for the next 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He can't come to my appo because of covid. But he's pretty involved. He's always wanted a biological child. He's much older than me. I like the sperm donor idea, thank you.

You can't do that to him. Even if he is cheating on you. Even if he's been verbally abusive to you. Can you imagine, if you gave birth and your partner told you the baby died of SIDS while you were asleep, and it turns out he just took the baby elsewhere and then raised it without you, because he found out you cheated on him?

He's escalating. When I asked him about the condoms( we don't use them) he shoved me off the bed. I was sitting upright and he kept kicking until I fell on my knees. Its not just the cheating. His behavior has flipped out of nowhere and he's escalating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would feel exactly zero guilt with this approach, OP.
However I don't know about the legal side of it. It seems that once you're far away, it would be hard for him to get custody, but I could be wrong. My only concern really would be the risk of the baby inheriting unwanted medical or psychiatric traits. Ask him for his family's medical history before you cut off contact...

+1. I think that it is very unlikely if he shows up years down the road and demands a paternity test that a judge will order a child with a stable home and supportive extended family to spend a significant amount of time with a parent they don’t know in another state. Most judges would not find this to be in the interest of the child, absent unusual circumstances. But he would very likely end up with at least visitation rights leading to eventual partial physical custody. The child might also be pissed at you when the child discovers you have lied about parentage. Under abusive circumstances, I might be willing to take that gamble, though. Once the child is born and he has a relationship with them, it will be difficult for you to move to a new state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what you’re doing is fine... for you. But what are you going to tell this child?

I honestly have no idea. I've thought about it and all options don't sound that great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He can't come to my appo because of covid. But he's pretty involved. He's always wanted a biological child. He's much older than me. I like the sperm donor idea, thank you.

You can't do that to him. Even if he is cheating on you. Even if he's been verbally abusive to you. Can you imagine, if you gave birth and your partner told you the baby died of SIDS while you were asleep, and it turns out he just took the baby elsewhere and then raised it without you, because he found out you cheated on him?

He's escalating. When I asked him about the condoms( we don't use them) he shoved me off the bed. I was sitting upright and he kept kicking until I fell on my knees. Its not just the cheating. His behavior has flipped out of nowhere and he's escalating.

If the above is true, then I'd 10000% abort and move away. You do not want this man in your life. You think he is escalating now? Wait until he finds out that you had his baby and didn't tell him. And then he gets partial custody of that baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Although PP is right, I'd probably do what you propose and move thousands of miles away and fake a miscarriage. How vested is he in the pregnancy? You can always claim you used a sperm donor later if he happens to find out--and I would absolutely tell my family and everyone else that's what I did just in case he shows up one day.

He could request a paternity test if he finds out the child was born and the birthday with the expected delivery date.
He could move to the same state as OP and request visitation rights.

I doubt he would ever move to that area. He's tied to wear he is for the foreseeable future because of his families business and his role in the company.

If he has the money and really wants a biological child, he could have used a surrogate with his sperm. And if he really wants you to have a child with him, why does he cheat? Is he going to be a good father or a selfish abusive jerk?

I have no idea why he cheats. I regularly have sex with him, I rarely argue, I cook, I clean, I make decent money... He is very wealthy and doesn't care about my income. He doesn't want to be a single parent.

[Anonymous]

He might willingly sign his rights away, but for now, go with your plan. It might be your only chance at motherhood. Good luck.