Reasonable phone/screen time for 14 years old 9th grader

[Anonymous]

DD got her phone after the school went into distance learning mode since last March. We talked about limiting her screen time to 2-3 hrs a day. That has never happened. She kept saying that she needs to use her phone to keep in touch with friends or she will go insane. Now her phone usage is pushing 9-12 hours. I have set screen time limits and downtime on her phone. Those limits never work. I kept hoping that she would learn to self-regulate, but now I don't think that is possible. She will come up with all kinds of reasons why she needs her phone, such as to get notifications when her teachers post things on-line, her group projects cannot be completed without the phone, she needs the phone to listen to music, etc. She said that I am just trying to control her and don't want her to be happy if I limit her phone time. In addition to phone, she also has a laptop where she has access to discord, instagram while doing distance learning. I don't even know how much time she is spending on the laptop. What would be a reasonable phone/screen time ? She is my oldest, and her younger siblings are all watching how I am dealing with her regarding phone/computer usage. Help.

[Anonymous]

2-3 hours a day? LOL. That is unreasonable for this age. Especially, if you are in a position if you don't let her see friends.

[Anonymous]

The more you harp on it or restrict it, the more she is going to want to use it. Our DD is in 9th and we don't restrict but for diner time, family movie time or church. She will be off her phone for hours at at time (yes even snapchat) now. It was a battle in MS but as we relaxed and restricting it, it is not an issue anymore.

[Anonymous]

If I could do it over again, I would require that she leave her phone in the kitchen overnight to charge. My DD is 19 and definitely addicted.

[Anonymous]

Our agreement is that our 9th grader charges her phone in the kitchen every night by 10:30pm on week days. In MS, we asked that she was offline by 9pm. I think this gives her ownership over how she uses her time, but also offers some guardrails to hopefully limit the addiction issue. They will always have some great sounding reason as to why they need more time, but they need to be mindful and use their time to get work done as well as check social mdeia and connect with friends. It's not an either or proposition. Stand firm and win these battles now, you'll thank yourself later.

[Anonymous]

Only allowing the phone use in public areas of the house may cut down on usage. Especially if she is new to the phone, you may want to keep it out of the bedroom for a while.
I would also sit down with her and talk about how much time per app you both think is reasonable. Personally, I don't mind my DD listening to music or texting friends, its other social media apps and YouTube that can take up a lot of time and the two of you should come up with limits together..

[Anonymous]

I just make my 15 yr old DS put his phone to charge in my room at 10pm on weekdays and 11pm on weekends. Other than that, there is no limit.

[Anonymous]

Screen time and downtime work unless she knows the passcode.

Limit apps like Instagram to something like 20 minutes a day (again, in the screen time menu).

In addition to downtime set to 8 pm - 7 am, I also have my child bring her phone into my room each night to charge overnight.

[Anonymous]

The phone goes to Mom or Dad at 9:30 every night and they can find a different source for an alarm, music, etc.

Approach it from the other end - they need to read for an hour. They need to help with dinner. No phones at the dinner table. Come play a game with the family. Go be active for an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The phone goes to Mom or Dad at 9:30 every night and they can find a different source for an alarm, music, etc.

Approach it from the other end - they need to read for an hour. They need to help with dinner. No phones at the dinner table. Come play a game with the family. Go be active for an hour.

+1 I would add outside time daily as well, even if it's a leisurely walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screen time and downtime work unless she knows the passcode.

Limit apps like Instagram to something like 20 minutes a day (again, in the screen time menu).

In addition to downtime set to 8 pm - 7 am, I also have my child bring her phone into my room each night to charge overnight.

Finally figure out how to make screen time and downtime work. In addition to set screen time limits, I still need to remove those apps from the "Always Allow" list. Didn't know that!!

[Anonymous]

We don't limit for my 10th grader.

We do require:

As and Bs in school (he is capable)
exercise every day
outside time every day
family chores as assigned (including garbage, feed dog, etc)
no screens at dinner
no bothering other people with your screens (i.e.use headphones).

If those things are ok, then fine -do what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't limit for my 10th grader.

We do require:

As and Bs in school (he is capable)
exercise every day
outside time every day
family chores as assigned (including garbage, feed dog, etc)
no screens at dinner
no bothering other people with your screens (i.e.use headphones).

If those things are ok, then fine -do what you want.

+1

Except phone goes to sleep at 10pm and stays in the kitchen. (9th Grader)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The phone goes to Mom or Dad at 9:30 every night and they can find a different source for an alarm, music, etc.

Approach it from the other end - they need to read for an hour. They need to help with dinner. No phones at the dinner table. Come play a game with the family. Go be active for an hour.

+1 I would add outside time daily as well, even if it's a leisurely walk.

Not everyone lives in a safe neighborhood where going outside is safe or a leisurely walk is a good idea, especially for a girl. There's nothing magical about being outside.

[Anonymous]

Yup. I take the phone at 11pm each night to charge in my bedroom. Non-negotiable.