Reasonable phone/screen time for 14 years old 9th grader

[Anonymous]

No phone at dinner and no phone past 10pm at night. 10th grader - and it’s been like this since she got her phone.

[Anonymous]

I would have the phone lock up at 11pm at night, she needs to sleep no matter what.

Then I would set limits on social media and video apps, but unlimited messaging, email, FaceTime, google docs, to allow her to communicate with friends and school as needed without limit.

As for how many hours per day? I worry about this but end of the day this is a weird time and the screen is our only real window into the world so I would just let it go for now and revisit in times non-pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't limit for my 10th grader.

We do require:

As and Bs in school (he is capable)
exercise every day
outside time every day
family chores as assigned (including garbage, feed dog, etc)
no screens at dinner
no bothering other people with your screens (i.e.use headphones).

If those things are ok, then fine -do what you want.

+1

Except phone goes to sleep at 10pm and stays in the kitchen. (9th Grader)

Another parent of a 14 year old with same rules. Though we don’t enforce “no bothering people” too much - tiny house with paper thin walls mean when he is playing online or talking with friends we hear it all. Seems unfair to make him be quiet when he has no other outlet.

[Anonymous]

Phone sleeps from 9 pm - 9 am every day and only we can unlock it for her. It also charges in the kitchen.

Also, there is no phone during school. We do allow it at lunch but not during class time. You need a calculator? You have a TI-84 you can use or Desmos on your computer. You need an alarm? Your laptop has one.

So she basically has phone access 2:15 - 9 pm. She has to do her homework before she can touch it and she has extracurriculars where she can't use it but outside of that she can do what she wants during that time.

On weekends she has 9 am - 9 pm but also has extracurriculars and to study. Other than that, she can do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

These kids you're treating like 10 year olds will be driving in a year. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The phone goes to Mom or Dad at 9:30 every night and they can find a different source for an alarm, music, etc.

Approach it from the other end - they need to read for an hour. They need to help with dinner. No phones at the dinner table. Come play a game with the family. Go be active for an hour.

+1 I would add outside time daily as well, even if it's a leisurely walk.

Not everyone lives in a safe neighborhood where going outside is safe or a leisurely walk is a good idea, especially for a girl. There's nothing magical about being outside.

Safety first, of course, but I do believe in outside time and fresh air each day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Phone sleeps from 9 pm - 9 am every day and only we can unlock it for her. It also charges in the kitchen.

Also, there is no phone during school. We do allow it at lunch but not during class time. You need a calculator? You have a TI-84 you can use or Desmos on your computer. You need an alarm? Your laptop has one.

So she basically has phone access 2:15 - 9 pm. She has to do her homework before she can touch it and she has extracurriculars where she can't use it but outside of that she can do what she wants during that time.

On weekends she has 9 am - 9 pm but also has extracurriculars and to study. Other than that, she can do what she wants.

I used to agree with this but these days I actively encourage my 14 year old to text her classsmates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I could do it over again, I would require that she leave her phone in the kitchen overnight to charge. My DD is 19 and definitely addicted.

I mean, most adults are addicted really.

[Anonymous]

just turn off the wifi that's what we do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-3 hours a day? LOL. That is unreasonable for this age. Especially, if you are in a position if you don't let her see friends.

I disagree. My DS is also 14 and in 9th grade distance learning with sports practices in person. He has a lot of screen time for school, so phone time for fun is in this range and sometimes lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screen time and downtime work unless she knows the passcode.

Limit apps like Instagram to something like 20 minutes a day (again, in the screen time menu).

In addition to downtime set to 8 pm - 7 am, I also have my child bring her phone into my room each night to charge overnight.

I use the circle app on my kids phones. You can pause them overnight and at times that you want to be absolutely tech free. Kids need limits as a part of parenting. Just like with anything else.
I think it also allows for them to find themselves and grow enormously in other ways.