Dating A Doctor..

[Anonymous]

I’m in a new relationship with a doctor. It’s very new - 3 months - and I found myself having doubts about getting serious with him. I really like him but he works holidays and most weekends. I do worry that how that will be if we did why more serious and have kids. I don’t want to be a default parent or have a husband who regularly works weekends and misses holidays.

[Anonymous]

What kind of doctor? Is he a resident?

[Anonymous]

I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

OP here. He’s an anesthesiologist. He’s not a resident but is a new doctor. He finished his schooling a year ago.

[Anonymous]

I was married to a doctor....he died unexpectedly in April. I’d do it all again. The hours and work never bothered me. We made our time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

+1

You get used to it. Lots of benefits from being married to a physician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to a doctor....he died unexpectedly in April. I’d do it all again. The hours and work never bothered me. We made our time together.

Sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

There are four doctors in my family. They all have good hours.

None of them are anesthesiologists but when I was dating a med student they encouraged him to go into anesthesiology because you can make good money since it involves procedures but can have good hours.

Maybe he keeps getting stuck with weekends etc because he is junior?

But on the other hand if that means he is free and not working on some work days he could see the kids then, when you are at work.

I’d talk to some anesthesiologists about hours etc before you ditch him because of that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a new relationship with a doctor. It’s very new - 3 months - and I found myself having doubts about getting serious with him. I really like him but he works holidays and most weekends. I do worry that how that will be if we did why more serious and have kids. I don’t want to be a default parent or have a husband who regularly works weekends and misses holidays.

Hahaha, I am married to a professional musician - way less money than a doctor and pretty much only nights/weekends/holidays work. But we learned to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was married to a doctor....he died unexpectedly in April. I’d do it all again. The hours and work never bothered me. We made our time together.

I’m so sorry.

[Anonymous]

He has a great career in front of him, so hopefully you can wait a while until he's more established and agree to a more agreeable schedule.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

OP here. I want kids but work in healthcare and love my job. I feel being married to a high earner like a doctor will mean me compromising my job to stay home. I don’t want to be a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

OP here. I want kids but work in healthcare and love my job. I feel being married to a high earner like a doctor will mean me compromising my job to stay home. I don’t want to be a SAHM.

You don’t have to be a SAHM but you will need a flexible job and a good nanny. I stayed at home for several years, but my Dh was in residency, we had little money and daycare or a nanny along with my college debt and his med school debt would have pushed us over the edge. I’m back to work but sought out a completely mommy tracked, not great paying but flexible job.

If you make good money, go the nanny route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

OP here. I want kids but work in healthcare and love my job. I feel being married to a high earner like a doctor will mean me compromising my job to stay home. I don’t want to be a SAHM.

My friend is a doctor married to another doctor. They have always used nannies (and also grandparents, but mostly well-paid, stellar nannies).