Dating A Doctor..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

OP here. I want kids but work in healthcare and love my job. I feel being married to a high earner like a doctor will mean me compromising my job to stay home. I don’t want to be a SAHM.

I know plenty of doctors married to other doctors, to biglaw attorneys. People make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t expect to be be the default parent and don’t want to get used to being solo on some weekends, nights, and holidays then consider this a fling and move on. These are part of the life of being married to doctors in certain specialties.

If kid gets a fever at school, he can’t leave a patient on the table to go pick them up, the school will always call you. If kid throws up before school, he can’t call it in and reschedule patients that booked their surgery weeks or months ago, it will be you that will need to call in sick. He can never work from home. If he takes overnight call, you will likely need to live close to his work not yours. Unless you book your kids’ doctors appts 1-2 months in advance, he won’t be able to take them if he works a day shift because his schedule is booked out at least a month in advance.

- married to a doctor

OP here. I want kids but work in healthcare and love my job. I feel being married to a high earner like a doctor will mean me compromising my job to stay home. I don’t want to be a SAHM.

I know plenty of doctors married to other doctors, to biglaw attorneys. People make it work.

OP here. I’m not a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

+1

You get used to it. Lots of benefits from being married to a physician.

OP here. I’m not looking to marry because he’s a high earner. The most important thing to me is having a husband who is an involved father. I make a good amount of money and don’t need a man who makes a doctors salary to be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

+1

You get used to it. Lots of benefits from being married to a physician.

OP here. I’m not looking to marry because he’s a high earner. The most important thing to me is having a husband who is an involved father. I make a good amount of money and don’t need a man who makes a doctors salary to be happy.

He can be available and uninvolved, or he can have limited availability and still be involved. This depends more on his character than his job. You need to talk to him about these issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am married to an MD. There are lots of people who work holidays. I am also in healthcare, not a doctor, but I also work holidays. And being a good father (or mother) has nothing to do with having to work holidays. Figure what kind of man he is- don’t worry about the job. My husband was in the military early on in our marriage. IMO that is the one carrier that I think you really need to think about - do I really want this life/lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

The reality is that many doctors have long hours, on call hours and weekend work. Maybe you boyfriend is low man on the totem pole. Do he have some weekdays off? Is he schedule bothering him or just you?

[Anonymous]

If this is how you feel this early in, maybe you are right to pull out. I am the one in my family (female) with the demanding job in healthcare, my husband was with me throughout training, at the hardest points and beyond, where it became easier. I am involved and we share parenting. But honestly....I could not have done it without him. He often does and did more and truly did sacrifice a great deal, in big and small ways. The only thing that got us through was we were deeply in Love and he believed in my work and had the capacity for sacrifice and selflessness. Not all the time, he is human. But his worries about his parenting solo or concerns about doing more were not front and center. It's going to get hard, no matter who you marry. It's really early on and if you are having doubts, I would reflect on them seriously. He may not be for you.

[Anonymous]

You’re just going to have to find a very reliable nanny or have family to help if you don’t want your career to be compromised. It’s not that hard to make it work and I wouldn’t write him off because of this schedule. Talk to him about the schedule - maybe this current one is temporary until he gets some seniority

[Anonymous]

This thread has humble brag written all over it.
Oh poor OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

+1

You get used to it. Lots of benefits from being married to a physician.

OP here. I’m not looking to marry because he’s a high earner. The most important thing to me is having a husband who is an involved father. I make a good amount of money and don’t need a man who makes a doctors salary to be happy.

He can be available and uninvolved, or he can have limited availability and still be involved. This depends more on his character than his job. You need to talk to him about these issues.

This. If he stays in Anesthesia expect at least some working on holidays and weekends for the rest of his career. DH works holidays and we work around it. He's a wonderfully involved dad and supportive husband with a kind heart and is incredibly intelligent. I'm the default parent for everything but I see the same in my friends' marriages who are not married to doctors. So I think you need to step back and look at the full picture.

[Anonymous]

anesthesiologists are often arrogant and full of themselves and their own sense of self importance. they also think they are funny when they're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m married to a doctor. He works some holidays but NBD—we just celebrate the day before or after.

What’s his specialty?

OP here. He’s an anesthesiologist. He’s not a resident but is a new doctor. He finished his schooling a year ago.

They are more 7-5 if they work for a hospital or surgery center.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has humble brag written all over it.
Oh poor OP!

Lol there’s not much to brag about. Heyday of doctors is done-why make chump change of 300-400k as a doctor with crappy hours when you can make the same or more in a cushy wfh it or finance job?

[Anonymous]

My DH traveled every week. He wasn’t available when he was in another state. Very involved father though.

[Anonymous]

Dating three months and you’re already planning your love together? He’s the one who needs to run.