S/O Would it be okay to celebrate Jewish holidays at home, as a non-Jew, to explore conversion?
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Anonymous
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So this is a genuine (not trolling) question from an agnostic who is interested in exploring more formal religion but would need to explore a lot before deciding to convert.
Would it be wrong/disrespectful to explore some Jewish holidays and seek to "celebrate" them in my home with my family, as a way of learning about the religion to figure out if its something we would be interested in exploring in a more formal way? And by celebrate, I would mean actually learning some of the prayers and doing some of the religious traditions, not just limiting ourselves to cultural traditions like the dreidel or some of the traditional food. Since the goal would be to learn about the meaning behind the traditions, we'd want to actually practice the religious part. Would this be wrong? To give some background, I was raised Catholic but left the church intentionally when I was 13 (like refused to go anymore, refused to be confirmed, etc.) because I did not believe in it. I have been agnostic to borderline atheist most of my life, but in recent years have been very drawn to religion to give me a sense of meaning and community. I have long had an interest in Judaism, dating back to a class I took in college and some time I spent in my 20s in a Jewish community. But it seemed unrealistic to convert because it's not a religion that encourages that, and most of my friends at the time were Conservative and would have frowned on it (though they welcomed me as a visitor). But increasingly I feel that it might be the best spiritual fit for me, but am unsure if that's even okay to say, because of the history of the religion. I obviously have no direct or ancestral experience with anti-semitism, the Holocaust, pogroms, etc. And unlike someone who would convert due to marriage, I don't have a connection to that history through my spouse. I don't want to take any formal steps until I feel confident this isn't a passing phase or just an infatuation with something because it is different than what I grew up with. So would it be wrong or disrespectful to explore on my own at home with my family? Obviously I have and will continue to do a lot of reading on the religion and learning more about the history, rules, different approaches, etc. But I think actually practicing some of the holidays would give me a richer sense if this is really for me, and if I converted, if I would feel at home in the religion or always feel like it was something I was playing at. Looking for honest advice and open to thoughts from all Jewish people, even those who don't believe in conversion. Obviously if I converted I'd join a Reform congregation, but I want to hear even from people who disagree with this type of conversion to get a sense of what the objections are and if it would impact my ability to feel like I belong within the Jewish community more generally. |
Anonymous
| I'm Jewish and personally think this would be fine. I would consider particularly focusing on the major holidays rather than minor ones like Hanukkah. |
Anonymous
OP here and I agree -- I'm thinking more towards Passover and the high holy days next year, but the conversation in the thread about the family with the kid at the Jewish preschool gave me pause because some of the reactions were very negative. |
Anonymous
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You say that you left the Catholic Church because you didn’t believe in it, but you are considering Judaism not because of belief, but “to give me a sense of meaning and community. I have long had an interest in Judaism, dating back to a class I took in college and some time I spent in my 20s in a Jewish community.”
Perhaps you should look outside of mainstream religions, which include belief as a central tenet. Unitarian Universalism (non belief isn’t necessarily a deal breaker) or a humanist society? |
Anonymous
| Do what you want! Quit worrying so much about what other people think. |
Anonymous
| Not at all wrong. The only thing a non Jew isn't allowed to do is jeep Sabbath properly. But you'd be unlikely to do so by mistake anyway. |
Anonymous
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Do you believe in the Old Testament?
if you do then its fine......If you do not believe then I dont know why you would celebrate it. |
Anonymous
| Sure, why not? Enjoy. - a Jew |
Anonymous
OP here. I didn't go into perfect detail because I am mostly concerned about this issue of celebrating holidays as a way of exploration. I have explored several options and even attended a Unitarian church for a bit but it did not speak to me and did not offer the sort of spiritual fulfillment I'm looking for. I've also gone to Buddhist events and practiced meditation for many years, as well as explored secular humanism. If Judaism isn't the right fit, I might go back to one of those. When I say I have an interest in Judaism, I mean that I am very interested in the faith system, the way they deal with matters of faith and questioning, the conception of G-d, and the role of spirituality in everyday life. I don't agree with everything, but then very few Jewish people I know agree with everything. That's actually part of what attracts me to it, that it is based on the study of religious texts over many centuries and that study and exploration is a central aspect of the religion. The reason I lived in a Jewish community for a bit was because I was pursuing graduate-level studies that involved Jewish literature and intersected with Talmudic study. So this is not an idle interest. |
Anonymous
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No, it wouldn't be okay. Because what you're saying is "I'm going to do the fun parts of Judaism - making the foods and saying things that sound funny - to see if I like it enough to take on this religion." That's being culturally Jewish - those converted Jews are always the ones who make jokes about being cheap and liking bagels and then claim "I can make these jokes, because I'm jewish."
The religion is not about eating matzoh or pushing yourself to fast on Yom Kippur. If you want to explore Judaism then GO TO TEMPLE. Go to Friday night services and Saturday morning services, make an appointment to speak with the rabbi and ask questions. Learn about showing up for the mourners who are there every night after dinner to be part of the minyan in case it's needed You don't have to be a member of a temple to attend services. Pick a temple that has a conversion program. Ask questions about it. |
Anonymous
Agree with this... You need some guidance OP. Otherwise it's just cosplay. But then again, you can do whatever you want in your own home and no one would know |
Anonymous
What you are saying is that OP's celebration of holidays is not sufficient, not that it it, in and of itself, not OK. Those are different things. OP, you're in your own home. You can dance around naked to the new Taylor Swift album painted red. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, it's perfectly fine. |
Anonymous
| I'm Jewish. Knock yourself out |
Anonymous
No. What I am saying is that I would be offended. Obviously I don't know what people do in their own homes. But if a non-jew told me they were lighting shabbat candles and making latkes to see if they "like" pretending to be Jewish, I'm going to lose respect for them. |
Anonymous
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OP, where do you live? I recently converted to Judaism, and started my path taking an Introduction to Judaism class offered by URJ. You can find the list of classes here: https://reformjudaism.org/learning/judaism-classes/class-search
My classmates came from a wide variety of religious backgrounds, and it was a great way to learn more about other cultures. |