Reply to S/O Would it be okay to celebrate Jewish holidays at home, as a non-Jew, to explore conversion?

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[quote=Anonymous]So this is a genuine (not trolling) question from an agnostic who is interested in exploring more formal religion but would need to explore a lot before deciding to convert.

Would it be wrong/disrespectful to explore some Jewish holidays and seek to "celebrate" them in my home with my family, as a way of learning about the religion to figure out if its something we would be interested in exploring in a more formal way? And by celebrate, I would mean actually learning some of the prayers and doing some of the religious traditions, not just limiting ourselves to cultural traditions like the dreidel or some of the traditional food. Since the goal would be to learn about the meaning behind the traditions, we'd want to actually practice the religious part. Would this be wrong?

To give some background, I was raised Catholic but left the church intentionally when I was 13 (like refused to go anymore, refused to be confirmed, etc.) because I did not believe in it. I have been agnostic to borderline atheist most of my life, but in recent years have been very drawn to religion to give me a sense of meaning and community. I have long had an interest in Judaism, dating back to a class I took in college and some time I spent in my 20s in a Jewish community. But it seemed unrealistic to convert because it's not a religion that encourages that, and most of my friends at the time were Conservative and would have frowned on it (though they welcomed me as a visitor).

But increasingly I feel that it might be the best spiritual fit for me, but am unsure if that's even okay to say, because of the history of the religion. I obviously have no direct or ancestral experience with anti-semitism, the Holocaust, pogroms, etc. And unlike someone who would convert due to marriage, I don't have a connection to that history through my spouse.

I don't want to take any formal steps until I feel confident this isn't a passing phase or just an infatuation with something because it is different than what I grew up with. So would it be wrong or disrespectful to explore on my own at home with my family? Obviously I have and will continue to do a lot of reading on the religion and learning more about the history, rules, different approaches, etc. But I think actually practicing some of the holidays would give me a richer sense if this is really for me, and if I converted, if I would feel at home in the religion or always feel like it was something I was playing at.

Looking for honest advice and open to thoughts from all Jewish people, even those who don't believe in conversion. Obviously if I converted I'd join a Reform congregation, but I want to hear even from people who disagree with this type of conversion to get a sense of what the objections are and if it would impact my ability to feel like I belong within the Jewish community more generally.[/quote]

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