Husband wants to keep nursery a guest room

[Anonymous]

We have 2 kid bedrooms and 1 guest room. We have 1 child and another on the way (early). I mentioned moving the crib/converted toddler bed from our daughters room to the baby room, and getting the bookshelf and guest bed out of the 2nd kid room, and my husband said that he wants to keep the baby room as a second guest room until the baby goes to its own room because he wants to have both of our parents come for the birth. I said absolutely not, they can come one at a time, and if we have multiple guests at once they can stay in a hotel. He says “we can agree to disagree” and walked away. I am extremely upset right now and am considering hiring someone to remove the furniture from this room. How can I explain to him that I need to set this room up and have a space for the baby’s things?

[Anonymous]

1. It's possible you are being irrational because you are pregnant (no judgment I've been there and worse)
2. Personally I think you're right and I'm also the type to just go ahead and do what I want
3. Only you know how big of a deal that will be in your marriage

[Anonymous]

I think you're overreacting, but I think the compromise is to leave the room set up so that your parents/in laws can use it when they come but remove some of the unnecessary furniture so it will be easier to convert to a nursery when the time comes. So, swap out the bookshelf for the baby's dresser, but leave the guest bed and wait to move the crib in until you need it.

[Anonymous]

It’d be easy to set up the room as a guest room but keep the bassinet in it. Changing pad on top of the dresser. Move the bassinet to your room or sib room when you have guests. The baby doesn’t “need” anything for at least a few years.

[Anonymous]

His stance makes logical sense. The baby doesn't need the room right now or even immediately after birth because it sounds like you're going to sleep in the same room for some amount of time. Therefore there's no need to convert that room for the baby right now. That's why it doesn't make sense to him that you are extremely upset about it and want to move the furniture right now.

I get that you really want to set up the room as a way to prepare and have something in your control right now, but it is an emotional vs logical decision (nothing wrong with that).

[Anonymous]

Who would want both sets of parents visiting at the same time when you have a newborn? Let them visit separately so they aren't competing to hold their grandchild.

I get it, baby probably won't be sleeping in their nursery at this point, but we still used the nursery for diaper changes and I nursed in the rocker in the middle of the night.

Still, there's no way in hell I'd want to be hosting both sets of grandparents right after giving birth. Spread that out! They'll be more useful helping with your older DC and meal prep that way.

[Anonymous]

I also agree with your husband about no need to convert to a baby room right now. I think what the other posters have suggested regarding leaving a miminum of guest furniture but also putting baby furniture in is a good compromise.

[Anonymous]

Who the heck wants both grandparents there at the same time? That’s a horrible idea unless you guys get together normally and it works well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would want both sets of parents visiting at the same time when you have a newborn? Let them visit separately so they aren't competing to hold their grandchild.

I get it, baby probably won't be sleeping in their nursery at this point, but we still used the nursery for diaper changes and I nursed in the rocker in the middle of the night.

Still, there's no way in hell I'd want to be hosting both sets of grandparents right after giving birth. Spread that out! They'll be more useful helping with your older DC and meal prep that way.

OP here and this is exactly my line of thinking. Also, the kid rooms are small (10’ x 11’) so there’s no room for a queen bed and a dresser/bassinet, etc. I have to get the crib/toddler bed out of the older kid’s room and move it to the other room.

We also used the nursery for overnight feeds and diaper changes, and I also know that my parents would probably rather visit on their own. I also don’t feel the need to have 4 extra adults (2 sets grandparents) at my townhouse right when I get home from the hospital and am wearing a diaper. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the heck wants both grandparents there at the same time? That’s a horrible idea unless you guys get together normally and it works well.

OP again. They’ve never visited together. DH is out of his mind.

[Anonymous]

Two separate concerns:
1. Having both sets of grandparents visiting at the same time. Can you handle that many visitors? Is it a good idea with covid? Were they all there for DC1? Do they all even want to come? These questions are the most important. I'm team "new mama gets to decide" on this one.

2. Furniture logistics--baby needs very little at first and will probably (?) be in parents' room anyway. So team DH on this one.

[Anonymous]

Breathe. You are overreacting.

There are a few levels of disagreement here. The first, and most important, is about visitors, so that's where to start. Forget about the room for a minute - pretend you have a fourth room - your husband is assuming that both sets of grandparents will be coming to visit when the baby is born, and they will both stay with you. So, start there. Do you want both sets to come right when the baby is born? Why or why not? Why does he want them to come? If you had an extra room, would you want to host both of them?

Start there, get on the same page about the guests. If it turns out you WOULD want them both to come and stay with you, but you want to room set up more, say that. Express why. Is there a compromise available? For example, could you get the room "set up" (painted, stocked, decorated) and just leave the full bed, so the only change that needs to be done is take out the bed and put in the crib? That might be a reasonable compromise, the other guest room furniture isn't strictly necessary.

You guys really need to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who the heck wants both grandparents there at the same time? That’s a horrible idea unless you guys get together normally and it works well.

+1

[Anonymous]

This doesn't make any sense.

Can anyone explain what OP is saying about how many bedrooms they have? Its only 2 kids - 3 bedrooms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two separate concerns:
1. Having both sets of grandparents visiting at the same time. Can you handle that many visitors? Is it a good idea with covid? Were they all there for DC1? Do they all even want to come? These questions are the most important. I'm team "new mama gets to decide" on this one.

2. Furniture logistics--baby needs very little at first and will probably (?) be in parents' room anyway. So team DH on this one.

OP again. I agree on furniture logistics, however we need to clear out the stuff in the other room so we have somewhere to put the crib when we put DC1’s big kid bed in there, etc. I want to clear out the 2nd guest room to have somewhere to put baby clothes etc so I can feel prepared.

The visitors issue is all assuming covid is under control by the end of summer, but you’re right- it might not be safe to visit yet. His parents didn’t come for DC1 and I don’t think they wanted to- he’s the one who wants them here. In general they are not helpful with DC1 now or when she was a baby. I’d be fine with no visitors and will likely limit my parents to 1 week.