Husband wants to keep nursery a guest room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't make any sense.

Can anyone explain what OP is saying about how many bedrooms they have? Its only 2 kids - 3 bedrooms?

OP here. 4 bedroom house- currently master, 2 guest rooms, and 1 kid room. One guest room will be converted into the 2nd kid room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breathe. You are overreacting.

There are a few levels of disagreement here. The first, and most important, is about visitors, so that's where to start. Forget about the room for a minute - pretend you have a fourth room - your husband is assuming that both sets of grandparents will be coming to visit when the baby is born, and they will both stay with you. So, start there. Do you want both sets to come right when the baby is born? Why or why not? Why does he want them to come? If you had an extra room, would you want to host both of them?

Start there, get on the same page about the guests. If it turns out you WOULD want them both to come and stay with you, but you want to room set up more, say that. Express why. Is there a compromise available? For example, could you get the room "set up" (painted, stocked, decorated) and just leave the full bed, so the only change that needs to be done is take out the bed and put in the crib? That might be a reasonable compromise, the other guest room furniture isn't strictly necessary.

You guys really need to communicate.

This is a good point. I’ve been focusing on furniture, while he’s living in a fantasy world where we come home from the hospital and are delighted to have a house packed with houseguests. I guess I should hone in that ultimately I do not want all these visitors staying with us at once (what’s wrong with a hotel anyway??) and for that reason the furniture in that room has no purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two separate concerns:
1. Having both sets of grandparents visiting at the same time. Can you handle that many visitors? Is it a good idea with covid? Were they all there for DC1? Do they all even want to come? These questions are the most important. I'm team "new mama gets to decide" on this one.

2. Furniture logistics--baby needs very little at first and will probably (?) be in parents' room anyway. So team DH on this one.

OP again. I agree on furniture logistics, however we need to clear out the stuff in the other room so we have somewhere to put the crib when we put DC1’s big kid bed in there, etc. I want to clear out the 2nd guest room to have somewhere to put baby clothes etc so I can feel prepared.

The visitors issue is all assuming covid is under control by the end of summer, but you’re right- it might not be safe to visit yet. His parents didn’t come for DC1 and I don’t think they wanted to- he’s the one who wants them here. In general they are not helpful with DC1 now or when she was a baby. I’d be fine with no visitors and will likely limit my parents to 1 week.

Are you sure that's not the underlying issue? He may be hoping that his parents will step up and take a bigger role and he may be hurt that it's your parents who did. It sounds to me like he knows your parents will come for the birth, but he's trying to leave to door open for his parents to come too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two separate concerns:
1. Having both sets of grandparents visiting at the same time. Can you handle that many visitors? Is it a good idea with covid? Were they all there for DC1? Do they all even want to come? These questions are the most important. I'm team "new mama gets to decide" on this one.

2. Furniture logistics--baby needs very little at first and will probably (?) be in parents' room anyway. So team DH on this one.

OP again. I agree on furniture logistics, however we need to clear out the stuff in the other room so we have somewhere to put the crib when we put DC1’s big kid bed in there, etc. I want to clear out the 2nd guest room to have somewhere to put baby clothes etc so I can feel prepared.

The visitors issue is all assuming covid is under control by the end of summer, but you’re right- it might not be safe to visit yet. His parents didn’t come for DC1 and I don’t think they wanted to- he’s the one who wants them here. In general they are not helpful with DC1 now or when she was a baby. I’d be fine with no visitors and will likely limit my parents to 1 week.

Are you sure that's not the underlying issue? He may be hoping that his parents will step up and take a bigger role and he may be hurt that it's your parents who did. It sounds to me like he knows your parents will come for the birth, but he's trying to leave to door open for his parents to come too

That could definitely be part of it. I am on good terms with his parents and like visiting with them but realistically, I have no reason to believe they will be helpful, especially if I can’t set up a nursery to accommodate them. I think I will approach this by saying that we should spread out the help and not have everyone come at once.

[Anonymous]

I used my nursery from day 1 and I think many people do. (Although I've had friends say they never used it once and even had baby clothes in the master bedroom). I nursed my babies in the rocking chair, had all their clothes in the closet, I changed them at the changing table and then at 8-10 weeks they moved to the crib full time.

I absolutely would not want both sets of parents visiting. Although I did have something similar. My parents rented a house nearby for 4 months so that they could watch my oldest (they were cross country and knew my inlaws wouldn't come help) and my inlaws came to visit for the weekend. I didn't mind both sets of parents at dinners and lunches.

[Anonymous]

It's perfectly valid to want a nursery set up before the baby gets here. Mentally I absolutely need that to feel ready and take my anxiety. At the end of the day you're carrying and birthing the baby and if you need it set up that's the end of it.

[Anonymous]

+1 to talking this out fully with your husband regarding what you both want after baby is born. I let my husband squirm out of talking about it because it ended in arguments every time I tried and I didnt want to be arguing my whole pregnancy. Well if I had known what a $hit$how would erupt after we brought the baby home I would have pressed the issue during pregnancy. Either before or after will involve arguments but at least during the pregnancy you won't have to simultaneously be caring for a newborn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't make any sense.

Can anyone explain what OP is saying about how many bedrooms they have? Its only 2 kids - 3 bedrooms?

OP here. 4 bedroom house- currently master, 2 guest rooms, and 1 kid room. One guest room will be converted into the 2nd kid room.

So you want to turn one of the guest rooms into a nursery? I don't see the problem. You still have a separate guest room for visitors and the couch if needed. This is a stupid argument. Let the baby have a nursery. Keeping BOTH rooms open for your family to visit once in a while is nuts.

[Anonymous]

1. COVID
2. you have two guest rooms now? Of course get rid of one and make it the baby's room.
3. Do the grandparents plan on coming during covid and all being there at the same time? My mom would want to be there for the birth but would never want to be there at the same time as ILS. and COVID.
4. COVID
5. Your husband is nuts. You don't need 4 grandparents staying at your TH after you come home from the hospital.

[Anonymous]

The idea of have any house guests after the birth is a horror show to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of have any house guests after the birth is a horror show to me.

They have 2 guest bedrooms; having house guests seems to be their jam?

[Anonymous]

I think he is being lazy and doesn't want to move furniture around, especially--gasp!--because his wife asked him to. Big Man Baby energy. So he's picking this dumb fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who the heck wants both grandparents there at the same time? That’s a horrible idea unless you guys get together normally and it works well.

OP again. They’ve never visited together. DH is out of his mind.

Looks like pregnancy hormones are affecting his brain.

[Anonymous]

My parents and my in-laws would never agree to come at the same time to visit. Especially with a new baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of have any house guests after the birth is a horror show to me.

They have 2 guest bedrooms; having house guests seems to be their jam?

OP here. Nope... only ever used both once in 4 years. We just had an extra bed and put it in there instead of having an empty room!