missing school as a consequence for screaming all morning

[Anonymous]

Son is 5.5. No special needs. This has been an on going issue for a month or so now. The mornings are BRUTAL. He loves, loves, loves school. But his morning behavior is terrible: refusal to put on shoes, hates getting dressed. He just...screams. “This is boring, this is the worst part of the day”. We’ve tried charts and pictures, strict, kindness, etc.

He didn’t get ready in time at all today, so we decided to follow through and husband took son 2 to school and son 1 is home now. All day. Which seems like a punishment for me, but he’ll spend most of his day in his room because I have stuff to do.

He’s obviously very angry...mostly with us for making him miss school and being the meanest parents ever.

Negative attention seeking? I’m lost.

I guess I’m asking for...advice? Company?

[Anonymous]

Maybe this will work. I know it sucks, but it’s good to follow through on a consequence. I assume he’s getting adequate sleep? What is he like on weekend mornings? Does he sleep in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe this will work. I know it sucks, but it’s good to follow through on a consequence. I assume he’s getting adequate sleep? What is he like on weekend mornings? Does he sleep in?

Sleep, diet aren’t the issues. He’s fine on the weekends. It’s school mornings, almost like it’s become a habit? It’s miserable, and we get angry, and he gets angry. Or we help him, and he’s still angry.

[Anonymous]

Some kids wake up thirty, hungry, whatever and it can make them miserable. Maybe have him eat/drink something absolutely first thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some kids wake up thirty, hungry, whatever and it can make them miserable. Maybe have him eat/drink something absolutely first thing?

He can always have water. And he rarely wakes up hungry (I do, he doesn’t). He has to be dressed before he eats because it’s his only motivator, or else he eats and then screams that he has to get dressed. So the rule is clothes and shoes before breakfast. This morning he never got dressed, so he never ate, and then it was too late for school.

I hope he learns that he needs to do these things to go to school, and we won’t wait and cater to him if he chooses to scream.

[Anonymous]

My kid has been changing into clean T-shirt, sweats, and undies at night and sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes since he was that age. It does no harm. Why not let him try that?

[Anonymous]

Can he be one of those kids that sleeps in his clothes for the next day, at least until he’s a little older and grows out of this? That way all he has to do is his shoes. Does he have shoes with Velcro closures or ties? If you take him to school one day and he’s not wearing shoes, how would the school handle it? Would he feel silly, or would he put them on right before going inside? I think your “no shoes, no school” approach is a good one and now you’ve shown him that threat has teeth. (It does stink for you, though! Make sure he doesn’t get any special treats or anything today.) Tomorrow you should not fight with him. Just calmly tell him “You’re making a choice: no shoes, no school.” Let him “decide.” You’re very lucky he loves school and you have that leverage!
Let us know how it all goes. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I would enact a no more warnings consequence for screaming.
Every time he screams is 10 mins in his room, or 10 mins earlier for bedtime, whatever works for you. If he goes to bed an hour early for a few days then so be it. Stick firm. He is too old to be screaming when he doesnt get his own way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been changing into clean T-shirt, sweats, and undies at night and sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes since he was that age. It does no harm. Why not let him try that?

He sleeps very hot. He usually wear underwear and a t shirt to bed.

[Anonymous]

OP, I recommend you read "The Explosive Child" and see if you get any good insight there.

https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can he be one of those kids that sleeps in his clothes for the next day, at least until he’s a little older and grows out of this? That way all he has to do is his shoes. Does he have shoes with Velcro closures or ties? If you take him to school one day and he’s not wearing shoes, how would the school handle it? Would he feel silly, or would he put them on right before going inside? I think your “no shoes, no school” approach is a good one and now you’ve shown him that threat has teeth. (It does stink for you, though! Make sure he doesn’t get any special treats or anything today.) Tomorrow you should not fight with him. Just calmly tell him “You’re making a choice: no shoes, no school.” Let him “decide.” You’re very lucky he loves school and you have that leverage!
Let us know how it all goes. Good luck!

Thank you for this kind comment.

His shoes, when motivated, take just a few moments to put on. We’ve seen it when we say “let’s go to X!” and he’s ready in a flash.

He loves, loves school so we have no idea why he’s not super motivated to get ready for it! It’s like he’s stuck in this habit of being difficult every school day. Negative attention? I’m not sure.

[Anonymous]

consider anxiety-type issues or something that is going on at school that he can't put into words but is really bothering him. this could be 'imagined' or very real. In other words, maybe Billy is constantly deconstructing your son's block creation and the teacher allow it (real) or maybe Billy did this once and your son is afraid of it happening again, even though it has been weeks since that happened (more in the 'imagined' catagory)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been changing into clean T-shirt, sweats, and undies at night and sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes since he was that age. It does no harm. Why not let him try that?

He sleeps very hot. He usually wear underwear and a t shirt to bed.

So he can sleep in clean undies and clean T-shirt and just pull on pa at or shorts in he morning. Would he really leave the house in his underwear? I’d actually let him try - he’ll get his pants on before leaving the car for school! Look, something is going on if he likes school but screams about getting dressed, which is essential for going to school. He is clearly unable to tell you what is wrong but something is. Maybe clothes irritate him (shoes used to make me lose my mind when I was a kid - I can still feel the panic of enclosing my feet). Maybe he loves school but he also has some worries about it. In general this kind of screaming is a symptom not of a brat but of a kid who is unable to do what he knows he needs to do. Anxiety takes over and the only outlet is screaming and tantrums. Assuming you can’t figure out what is really wrong, disrupting the routine is the next best thing. I’d let him sleep in clean T-shirt and underwear and then shrug about the clothes. “You are leaving the house in your underwear? Interesting. Hop in the car.” Leave pants, shoes, and socks in the backseat for him. If he gets INTO the school building still undressed take him to the bathroom and ask him to dress. If he won’t, take him home and call your pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

It sounds tough. Have you tried setting timers or Alexa to talk to him instead? When it’s time to get up set a 15 minute timer to get clothes on and then walk away. Have breakfast sitting on table but take “you” (and the attention he gets from screaming at you) out of the equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid has been changing into clean T-shirt, sweats, and undies at night and sleeping in tomorrow’s clothes since he was that age. It does no harm. Why not let him try that?

He sleeps very hot. He usually wear underwear and a t shirt to bed.

So he can sleep in clean undies and clean T-shirt and just pull on pa at or shorts in he morning. Would he really leave the house in his underwear? I’d actually let him try - he’ll get his pants on before leaving the car for school! Look, something is going on if he likes school but screams about getting dressed, which is essential for going to school. He is clearly unable to tell you what is wrong but something is. Maybe clothes irritate him (shoes used to make me lose my mind when I was a kid - I can still feel the panic of enclosing my feet). Maybe he loves school but he also has some worries about it. In general this kind of screaming is a symptom not of a brat but of a kid who is unable to do what he knows he needs to do. Anxiety takes over and the only outlet is screaming and tantrums. Assuming you can’t figure out what is really wrong, disrupting the routine is the next best thing. I’d let him sleep in clean T-shirt and underwear and then shrug about the clothes. “You are leaving the house in your underwear? Interesting. Hop in the car.” Leave pants, shoes, and socks in the backseat for him. If he gets INTO the school building still undressed take him to the bathroom and ask him to dress. If he won’t, take him home and call your pediatrician.

I’m this PP and I realized “call your pediatrician” might sound snarky to someone who hasn’t been down this path. I only meant that if you try these things and your boy still struggles, he may need some help. Your ped is the first stop. Or you could ask the teachers about his day and behavior and anything unusual they are seeing, and ask for suggestions. I am full of compassion for your son and you - I was your son, and I have been in your shoes. You two will figure it out!