missing school as a consequence for screaming all morning

[Anonymous]

I would say “we leave for school at 8. If you are not dressed and ready then you go in your PJ’s. School is important and so is work time for me and dad.” And mean it. Make sure he has enough time to get ready but not too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say “we leave for school at 8. If you are not dressed and ready then you go in your PJ’s. School is important and so is work time for me and dad.” And mean it. Make sure he has enough time to get ready but not too much.

This is an idea. We started with "you have to be dressed to eat" because breakfast is a HUGE motivator. Maybe we'll ask what he prefers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I recommend you read "The Explosive Child" and see if you get any good insight there.

https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451

+1

You need to completely change your thinking on what is going on here if the conventual approaches are not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I recommend you read "The Explosive Child" and see if you get any good insight there.

https://www.amazon.com/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0062270451

+1

You need to completely change your thinking on what is going on here if the conventual approaches are not working.

+++


It sounds like you are providing a lot of structure (+) but this kid is wired differently. What worked for your other kids (and your friend's kids) may not work for him.

Get The Explosive Child and focus on the parts about putting certain rules in a "basket". If your kid is having a meltdown, you don't worry as much about whether or not they floss.

I agree with shoes in the car or some other ideas that give this child some autonomy.
You may have an outside of the box thinker or a kid with a high IQ who sees the world differently.

That doesn't make him a bad kid or you a bad parent, you just need a few more strategies.

Have you tried a stoplight timer for coming downstairs: https://www.amazon.com/BeeZee-Kids-Stoplight-Golight-Traffic/dp/B00CB9G7ZU

[Anonymous]

Maybe he is ADHD and getting dressed is overwhelming for him?

Could you put on some fun music and help him dress instead of making it a power struggle? He is still so young. And this year is so weird. He will get it eventually, maybe just needs more scaffolding for now.

As the parent of a school refuser, do NOT keep him home from school. Bad habit to get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he is ADHD and getting dressed is overwhelming for him?

Could you put on some fun music and help him dress instead of making it a power struggle? He is still so young. And this year is so weird. He will get it eventually, maybe just needs more scaffolding for now.

As the parent of a school refuser, do NOT keep him home from school. Bad habit to get into.

My ADHD son didn't get himself dressed until he was in fifth grade - but then he got it, and things were fine. And he was an excellent student, Captain of the Soccer team and goes to a top college. This is not something to fall on your sword about.

[Anonymous]

I would not set the expectation that a tantrum of any sort can get him out of school. Even if he likes school now, that just sets it up later than any day he doesn't want to go, he can just act out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’ve gotten some good advice but I often have a similar attitude as your son. Even if I like something, it’s not always easy to get myself to do all the steps required to do it, like going to the gym (ahh the good old days, remember when we used to go to gyms?). It’s a pain to get childcare, gather shoes, etc and sometimes being lazy seems more appealing even though I love it when I get there.

Anyway, good luck. This sounds so stressful and hopefully you can find some solutions and your kid will grow out of this phase.

This is very insightful. Saving this. You’re so right. Life is hard!

[Anonymous]

Don't make missing school a consequence. It's his responsibility to go to school.

Try taking away screen time or earlier bedtime instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not set the expectation that a tantrum of any sort can get him out of school. Even if he likes school now, that just sets it up later than any day he doesn't want to go, he can just act out.

This. Also, I don’t think it’s a good idea to punish him with missing school or any other way. Natural consequences would be for him to go to school in his pajamas and without shoes. But explore different options before you resort to punishment, since it seems it’s not working. Does he get dresses better if he chooses the clothes himself? If there is music? If you leave him alone to get dressed? If he sleeps in his active wear so he doesn’t need to dress in the AM? If he wears shoes in the car as you get him to school? Try different approaches, and see what works.

[Anonymous]

This makes no sense. It’s like punishing a child by taking away vegetables or dentist visits.

[Anonymous]

how much time does he have between waking up and school? My son is the same age and we've encountered this when he only has time to eat and get dressed...he needs more, a lot more. He naturally wakes at 6 and we don't leave till 8:30 and that is a good amount for us...he can play with his brother, one of the parents plays for a bit, lots of time for lingering. Often I do the brushing teeth and getting dressed before my offer to join the play. Sometimes getting into the car can have some hiccups but I just keep moving with the confident momentum...never angry or frustrated but we're going even if I have to carry him while chatting. I couldn't carry him trashing but sometimes we just have to keep moving one way or another.

[Anonymous]

There’s no reason a 5.5 year old has to dress himself if it still causes problems. Just help him get dressed and move on with the rest of your life. If picking the outfit is the problem, have him choose and lay it out the night before (or sleep in it!) or just choose for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:consider anxiety-type issues or something that is going on at school that he can't put into words but is really bothering him. this could be 'imagined' or very real. In other words, maybe Billy is constantly deconstructing your son's block creation and the teacher allow it (real) or maybe Billy did this once and your son is afraid of it happening again, even though it has been weeks since that happened (more in the 'imagined' catagory)

Agreed. This behavior sounds exactly like my son at age 4 and 5 before he started treatment for anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dressed my kid at that age on school mornings. It would take her forever with tons of complaining, and I just didn't have the patience for it, nor did we have the time. On weekends she dressed herself. She eventually segued into doing it all on her own. Sometimes you need to pick your battles.

Yeah, we are going to try this.

I dress my six year old many mornings. It took me awhile to get to that point, because of course he can do it himself. But I know from experience with my older son that this is a phase. Everything goes so much more smoothly when I help him. Its almost like they want/expect a battle and when you remove the battle and the phase will pass. He is capable and will dress himself when motivated.