missing school as a consequence for screaming all morning

[Anonymous]

Do NOT hold him out of school for bad behavior. This can lead to all kinds of bad habits and problems later. What will you do if he screams every morning for two weeks, even if he changes the behavior eventually? Keep him out of school for two weeks? If anything, if he is concerned about being late, I might take him to school late as a natural consequence. Find another incentive and be specific. No yelling gets him some screen time when he gets home. Or a favorite snack or something. I'd also take some of the steps out of it and think it's a good idea to have him dressed the night before. Maybe breakfast is a granola bar in the car. Is he too tired in the morning? How about earlier bedtime?

[Anonymous]

Hi - OP, complete sympathy here from a parent of a then 4-year-old who one day refused to get dressed for school (after fussing about it previously). We did exactly what you did, took the older one to school and kept the younger one home for the day. We just didn't have the time or the will for a battle. It wound up being successful. I was kind, but explained that during the daytime while his work was to go to school, mine was to work (as a freelancer in my home office). So I went about my business and just kept telling him, sorry, honey, this is my time to work. By the way - even if I could have taken a break I pretended to be deep in my work . I told him, "You'll have to find other things to do." He was a little lonely and a little bored and the next morning he was ready for school in time. Whatever you do, remove the power struggle from the equation.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked him -- not in the morning before school, but at a calm time, why it's difficult to get dressed? Do you think it's the clothing or the transition he objects to?

One of my kids has a similar response if we expect her to wake up, get up, get dressed, all quickly and efficiently. But if I wake her up 30 minutes early and let her move at her own pace, it's much better.

It could also be time blindness, where he doesn't realize how much time is passing, and then feels rushed and stressed, which causes him to shut down.

[Anonymous]

I silly thing that worked for us asking the kid to not use the word 'boring'. Now they have to figure the actual word for the feeling and that might help you to know what is actually bothering him. My 5.5 year old suddenly wants to sleep a lot more, which to me is a sign that a growth spurt is coming. Could that be case? and he just needs an earlier bed time or really pared down morning routine? Things all packed at night, clothes, burst etc ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him -- not in the morning before school, but at a calm time, why it's difficult to get dressed? Do you think it's the clothing or the transition he objects to?

One of my kids has a similar response if we expect her to wake up, get up, get dressed, all quickly and efficiently. But if I wake her up 30 minutes early and let her move at her own pace, it's much better.

It could also be time blindness, where he doesn't realize how much time is passing, and then feels rushed and stressed, which causes him to shut down.

+1.
Seek connection with your child at a time when you are both calm.

[Anonymous]

I think you’ve gotten some good advice but I often have a similar attitude as your son. Even if I like something, it’s not always easy to get myself to do all the steps required to do it, like going to the gym (ahh the good old days, remember when we used to go to gyms?). It’s a pain to get childcare, gather shoes, etc and sometimes being lazy seems more appealing even though I love it when I get there.

Anyway, good luck. This sounds so stressful and hopefully you can find some solutions and your kid will grow out of this phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked him -- not in the morning before school, but at a calm time, why it's difficult to get dressed? Do you think it's the clothing or the transition he objects to?

One of my kids has a similar response if we expect her to wake up, get up, get dressed, all quickly and efficiently. But if I wake her up 30 minutes early and let her move at her own pace, it's much better.

It could also be time blindness, where he doesn't realize how much time is passing, and then feels rushed and stressed, which causes him to shut down.

+1.
Seek connection with your child at a time when you are both calm.

I’ll absolutely talk to him about this today!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds tough. Have you tried setting timers or Alexa to talk to him instead? When it’s time to get up set a 15 minute timer to get clothes on and then walk away. Have breakfast sitting on table but take “you” (and the attention he gets from screaming at you) out of the equation.

Yes, we do this most days.
Today the food sat on the table from 7-8am, a visible countdown timer was set, and he opted to not get dressed.

[Anonymous]

Could you give him control of when he puts his shoes on? At the door, in the car, right when he gets out? You might just delay the fit or you might give him some autonomy in a situation he feels he cannot control. “I don’t care when you put them on, as long as they are on before you walk into school.”

Agree with PPs that there might be some bigger anxiety at play. If he won’t share or shuts down try telling him about a time you had a hard time at school.

[Anonymous]

I'd just rush him out the door and let him wear pajamas to school. Bring pants/shoes/etc to the car to pull on once in - probably won't want to go to school without daytime clothes, right? If he doesn't eat breakfast, he'll get hungry later and maybe learn to eat breakfast earlier.

It sounds like a power struggle - the more you dig in, the more negative attention he gets.

[Anonymous]

I dressed my kid at that age on school mornings. It would take her forever with tons of complaining, and I just didn't have the patience for it, nor did we have the time. On weekends she dressed herself. She eventually segued into doing it all on her own. Sometimes you need to pick your battles.

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to get dressed? He's 5. Let him go to school in pajamas. Carry his shoes into the car with you.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like ADD. You should sit down and discuss with him- where should he keep his shoes, where should his clothes go. Put it on him and get his brain in problem solving mode. Also, give him a small snack in the morning. Sounds like an awful morning. Don't beat yourself up and keep your cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dressed my kid at that age on school mornings. It would take her forever with tons of complaining, and I just didn't have the patience for it, nor did we have the time. On weekends she dressed herself. She eventually segued into doing it all on her own. Sometimes you need to pick your battles.

Yeah, we are going to try this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd just rush him out the door and let him wear pajamas to school. Bring pants/shoes/etc to the car to pull on once in - probably won't want to go to school without daytime clothes, right? If he doesn't eat breakfast, he'll get hungry later and maybe learn to eat breakfast earlier.

It sounds like a power struggle - the more you dig in, the more negative attention he gets.

It ABSOLUTELY is a power struggle. (OP).