Nanny's holiday plans - renting a house with extended family

[Anonymous]

Since COVID started, our nanny and we have both been very careful. No travel, very small social bubbles, masks always and so on. I've asked her since the beginning that if she wanted to do anything that involved risk, such as travel, that she discuss it with me so I can get comfortable with it.

So far, she has not gone anywhere, but has talked about visiting out of state family. Whenever she talks about it, she says she would stay with her parents (who are elderly and careful) and meet extended family in outdoors, socially distanced gatherings, which I am okay with. She's been planning to see her family over Christmas. Yesterday, she told me that she just heard from her parents that an uncle rented a house for all of them to stay in for the Christmas holidays. I didn't get any more information than that, but I'm guessing this means at a minimum, her parents, the uncle, her adult cousins (who are also out of state) and her, and possibly more people, as she has a large extended family.

Our nanny gets one week of travel over Christmas, but I expected that she would do it safely as previously discussed (indoors with parents only, outdoors with everyone else) so that she could do the minimum mandatory quarantine of about 5 days as required by our state (we live in the Northeast btw) and we be comfortable with this. But this current plan involves a much higher level of risk and her doing exactly what Fauci and the CDC are saying not to do. DH and I canceled our own travel plans to see family because of the rising COVID rates. I know I can't tell her she can't do this, and I WON'T, but I can't say I'm not tempted! But if she goes on this family trip, she will have to do a longer quarantine, which will have to be unpaid.

I guess I'm telling this story in part to vent, in part to see if anyone has any ideas about how I can handle this situation. Our nanny already quarantined for two weeks (paid) in the spring back when she had cold symptoms, then another week (unpaid) in the summer when her roommate traveled out of the country. The summer quarantine had been avoidable but our nanny handled the situation poorly, which is why it was unpaid (we paid for nanny's Airbnb for when the roommate returned, but our nanny moved back in even though the roommate's COVID results were delayed). I think it's safe to say that she is out of sick leave. DH works every day with zero vacation and we have a new baby this year. I'll be honest, it's hell whenever the nanny is not with us for more than a couple days because DH works round the clock and I'm completely on my own with the two kids. She's entitled to vacation and I was okay with her going and the mandatory quarantine, but I'm not okay with her having to be out extra days because she's going on a risky vacation. What if anything can I do about this? I'm guessing nothing other than not paying her for the extra quarantine days.

[Anonymous]

What does your contract say?

[Anonymous]

Keep up with the news.
CDC just announced a 7 day quarantine as opposed to 14 days. You have every right to have her quarantine but you need to pay her as it is your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since COVID started, our nanny and we have both been very careful. No travel, very small social bubbles, masks always and so on. I've asked her since the beginning that if she wanted to do anything that involved risk, such as travel, that she discuss it with me so I can get comfortable with it.

So far, she has not gone anywhere, but has talked about visiting out of state family. Whenever she talks about it, she says she would stay with her parents (who are elderly and careful) and meet extended family in outdoors, socially distanced gatherings, which I am okay with. She's been planning to see her family over Christmas. Yesterday, she told me that she just heard from her parents that an uncle rented a house for all of them to stay in for the Christmas holidays. I didn't get any more information than that, but I'm guessing this means at a minimum, her parents, the uncle, her adult cousins (who are also out of state) and her, and possibly more people, as she has a large extended family.

Our nanny gets one week of travel over Christmas, but I expected that she would do it safely as previously discussed (indoors with parents only, outdoors with everyone else) so that she could do the minimum mandatory quarantine of about 5 days as required by our state (we live in the Northeast btw) and we be comfortable with this. But this current plan involves a much higher level of risk and her doing exactly what Fauci and the CDC are saying not to do. DH and I canceled our own travel plans to see family because of the rising COVID rates. I know I can't tell her she can't do this, and I WON'T, but I can't say I'm not tempted! But if she goes on this family trip, she will have to do a longer quarantine, which will have to be unpaid.

I guess I'm telling this story in part to vent, in part to see if anyone has any ideas about how I can handle this situation. Our nanny already quarantined for two weeks (paid) in the spring back when she had cold symptoms, then another week (unpaid) in the summer when her roommate traveled out of the country. The summer quarantine had been avoidable but our nanny handled the situation poorly, which is why it was unpaid (we paid for nanny's Airbnb for when the roommate returned, but our nanny moved back in even though the roommate's COVID results were delayed). I think it's safe to say that she is out of sick leave. DH works every day with zero vacation and we have a new baby this year. I'll be honest, it's hell whenever the nanny is not with us for more than a couple days because DH works round the clock and I'm completely on my own with the two kids. She's entitled to vacation and I was okay with her going and the mandatory quarantine, but I'm not okay with her having to be out extra days because she's going on a risky vacation. What if anything can I do about this? I'm guessing nothing other than not paying her for the extra quarantine days.

She is not your slave! She has every right to see her family
You see your family every damn day so why shouldn't she be able to spend time with her family?
You can fire her and do what you should have been doing all along, taking care of your own children.

[Anonymous]

We also have a live-out nanny but she lives alone so that makes things more manageable. She took a trip this summer that involved both airplane and car travel with another passenger plus one outside get-together with family. We paid for two weeks of quarantine and a covid test then but it was a one-time gift for her mental health. Now she wants to take another trip to family this Christmas involving airplane travel. We weren’t happy that she is taking this risk again to her health (middle-aged, overweight) during the surge but she is determined to go. So we decided to let her use a combination of vacation and sick leave to cover a 10 day quarantine period. She must have a negative PCR test taken after 7 days before she can come back. Perhaps you and your nanny can come up with a similar compromise.

[Anonymous]

Nannies should also insist that every member of your family have negative tests.

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny and I think what your nanny is doing is irresponsible. Talk to her, OP, and tell her that she’ll need to quarantine and. get tested on her own dime if she insists on this new arrangement.

I nanny for a newborn and a toddler whom I love and simply wouldn’t put them at risk. I miss my family and friends too but children’s safety takes priority.

[Anonymous]

So here's the thing. She probably shouldn't be doing this and you are right to have her quarantine, and from a "fairness" perspective, maybe it should be unpaid.

BUT.. I would still pay her. You need childcare and nannies are in high demand right now, so she could take this as an opportunity to walk. Even if she is not inclined to do that, her salary for that quarantine is probably a sunk cost that you have factored into your family budget, whereas she will likely suffer financially if she misses paid time off. She has not seen her family in a long time and if her parents are elderly, I can see why that would be hard for her.

This is an unprecedented time and in making these choices with my own nanny, I try to err on the side of being overgenerous and humane because I want the person who takes care of my kids to be taken care of, and it's the right thing to do. Our nanny has taken a ton of time off this year before COVID. We paid her during to not work for three months. That sucked, and I would have liked to have had that money for us, and we get frustrated that she is "out of time off" but I do my best to be understanding and grateful for her.

That whole novel to say.. I do get why it's frustrating to pay her to not work. I just do not think this is something I would go to bat over, particularly over the holidays. Perhaps I am a sucker but that's how we approach it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep up with the news.
CDC just announced a 7 day quarantine as opposed to 14 days. You have every right to have her quarantine but you need to pay her as it is your choice.

+1 You need to pay her for the time she quarantines.

What does you DH do that doesn't allow time off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep up with the news.
CDC just announced a 7 day quarantine as opposed to 14 days. You have every right to have her quarantine but you need to pay her as it is your choice.

The travel vacation was the nanny’s choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies should also insist that every member of your family have negative tests.

If we travel, that would absolutely be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So here's the thing. She probably shouldn't be doing this and you are right to have her quarantine, and from a "fairness" perspective, maybe it should be unpaid.

BUT.. I would still pay her. You need childcare and nannies are in high demand right now, so she could take this as an opportunity to walk. Even if she is not inclined to do that, her salary for that quarantine is probably a sunk cost that you have factored into your family budget, whereas she will likely suffer financially if she misses paid time off. She has not seen her family in a long time and if her parents are elderly, I can see why that would be hard for her.

This is an unprecedented time and in making these choices with my own nanny, I try to err on the side of being overgenerous and humane because I want the person who takes care of my kids to be taken care of, and it's the right thing to do. Our nanny has taken a ton of time off this year before COVID. We paid her during to not work for three months. That sucked, and I would have liked to have had that money for us, and we get frustrated that she is "out of time off" but I do my best to be understanding and grateful for her.

That whole novel to say.. I do get why it's frustrating to pay her to not work. I just do not think this is something I would go to bat over, particularly over the holidays. Perhaps I am a sucker but that's how we approach it.

Anyone who paid their nanny not to work for three months was a sucker. The rest of us took precautions, worked from home and had our nannies continue to work.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks everyone for your input. I spoke with nanny and got comfortable with the details she provided about her trip; it's a smaller group than I had thought and mostly elderly people who basically stay at home. I also just wanted to add that whatever I ask of our nanny, I impose on ourselves. If we traveled, we would take covid tests and quarantine before having her come back to work for us. If we decided to take on an added risk, I would let her know before we did so. Stay well, everyone.

[Anonymous]

I’m a nanny and I have to say, you have a terrible nanny. I really think you should investigate replacing her and I’ll tell you why: She doesn’t care about your kids.

For the past 9 months, I haven’t gone to the grocery store, seen friends, spent thanksgiving alone and will also be alone on Xmas. Why? Because I care about the kids in my care more than myself. I would never forgive myself if I (found and healthy) did anything to get their parents (late 40’s/50’s) sick. It’s really simple. I’ve been with the family several years, so there’s a strong bond but just as a human being I could never do something that could hurt the kids in my care. What if I got sick, gave their parents coronavirus, and they died? I think about that whenever I want to go out with friends or be selfish.

The entire role of a nanny is caring about someone else. I don’t understand how someone can be a nanny and just not give a shit if they put the kids in their care at risk.

I have a lot of nanny friends, and the ones who just see this job as a pay check (or a stop before something better comes along) are the ones who aren’t being safe for their employers and the children in their care. Thankfully most of the nannies I know are responsible and staying home.

You might think you have a good nanny, but I’m speaking to you as a nanny and telling you that you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Nanny again -

I also want to say that unless your nanny is under surveillance, you don’t actually know that’s she’s being careful. Do you know how many nannies are lying to their employers about staying home? It’s all over Reddit, Facebook message groups and even here on the manny boards. Nannies are lying because they know they will be replaced if they tell their employers they don’t stay home and social distance.

Your nanny had to tell you about this trip, because she needs time off. She doesn’t have to tell you the truth about what she’s doing after 6pm and on weekends.