S/O Is it rude to tell my MIL she can't look at my phone?

[Anonymous]

The other thread about inlaws dropping by unannounced has me thinking about this incident with my MIL from last year that really upset her. Curious on other people's takes.

I had taken a bunch of photos of my DD doing something, I can't remember what, and was showing them to DH and his family (MIL, FIL, BIL, and his aunt). Mostly I was just showing a couple that were really funny by holding my phone up, but since it was a bigger group, I handed my phone around so people could see better.

Well phone gets to my MIL and she goes through all the photos of DD but then just keeps going. I kind of laughed and said, "Ok, looks like your done" and went to take my phone back. She pulls it away from me and says, "No, I want to look through the others." And won't give the phone back to me.

Now, it's not like I have nudes on my phone or anything (though I could, and there's nothing wrong with that, for the record), but the minute she was demanding to go through them I felt soooo violated. Even if it was just dumb selfies that I hadn't deleted yet or screen grabs of memes that I texted to friends, it felt extremely personal and weird for my MIL to think that was fair game. I got very serious and told her I wanted my phone back, and DH also told her to give it back, and she did. But she still brings it up, like it was super weird of me not to want her looking through my phone and that it's evidence I must of questionable or embarrassing things on there. It's made me very wary of her and now I wonder if she snoops through our house when she visits, or through our luggage when we visit (pre-Covid, we have not seen her in person since March).

So, what says DCUM? Did I overreact or was MIL being a nosy b?

[Anonymous]

I would've felt the same as you at that moment. That's just weird.

[Anonymous]

She's rude.

[Anonymous]

She just doesn't understand - she thinks of it as a photo album she's looking at digitally. We think of it as "but I talked to Alicia about my period!" and "I have a copy of that meme with the f-bomb on there!" and "my banking info is there!"

She was wrong. She's not exactly a nosy bitch. You and DH did not overreact.

[Anonymous]

She's rude. Clueless and rude.

[Anonymous]

"Give me my phone back. Now. If you can't do that you're never seeing your grand kids again."

I wouldn't tolerate this at all.

[Anonymous]

I think she overstepped, but your feelings seem like an overreaction. I would not assume from this incident she is snooping through your house or assuming you have weird things on your phone. People her age don't have the same relationship with their phones, and she wanted to see more pictures of your kid.

[Anonymous]

She's rude, and yes...now you know she's a snooper with no boundaries. Treat her as such. Protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Give me my phone back. Now. If you can't do that you're never seeing your grand kids again."

I wouldn't tolerate this at all.

[Anonymous]

You were right, your DH and you handled it perfectly. I understand why you felt the way you felt.

However, I think this is a bit of a generational difference here. She probably thought it was the equivalent of being allowed to look through a couple of hard copy photos that were placed in a stack of (what she probably assumed only included photos of grandkids), then having the stack abruptly taken away from her. I don’t know that people her age get that people our age take photos of all kinds of stuff and that the photo folder is a private space. I’d never flip through someone else’s photos - I’d be scared to find a nude. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Nope, MIL was being weird. “Looks like you’re done” might not have been the smoothest way to ask for it back - it sounds a lot like something you would say to a kid - but it’s hard to react correctly on the spot.

One time at a family wedding my mom asked one of my cousins to unlock my other cousin’s phone for her so she could take pictures with it (I think owner of the phone was dancing with her kids or something). I thought it was insanely rude and invasive but my mom (who is otherwise normal!) apparently thought nothing of it. So, I think some people just don’t see a phone as a private thing. But even if MIL doesn’t get why you don’t want her looking, MIL should have just given it back when you asked for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she overstepped, but your feelings seem like an overreaction. I would not assume from this incident she is snooping through your house or assuming you have weird things on your phone. People her age don't have the same relationship with their phones, and she wanted to see more pictures of your kid.

I'm not excusing her behavior, by the way, but to jump from this to "I wonder if she goes through my luggage" is a leap.

[Anonymous]

She just wanted to see your pictures. Stand down.

[Anonymous]

"Keep up these comments, Mary, and you will be kept even more at arm's length."

[Anonymous]

My stepmom was over flipping through my husband's phone. He pointed out that once you get past the pictures the person mentioned sharing then you stop there. She called me later mortified she had breached some sort of etiquette she was unaware of. I explained more and all was fine.