Anyone not letting college students come home?

[Anonymous]

I was following the testing thread for students getting tested. My very elderly mother lives with us so I have told my son he can’t come home for Thanksgiving. His school is closing until the new year so I was planning on putting him in a hotel until mid December just in case then let him home for Christmas. We are disagreeing though about his ability to leave the house once he gets home. We are strictly quarantining. No grocery stores, no restaurants, no nothing. My DS is an only child so we aren’t dealing with small children at home that need to get out. He said he doesn’t want to adhere to the stay at home rules so I am thinking of just telling him to figure out what he wants to do on his own. He is 20 so not a child. Am I too harsh?

[Anonymous]

I think you are a bit harsh. I would have him test and then come home once negative.

Can you divide the house? Son gets the basement and grandma stays upstairs?

What’s the alternative? Sitting in a hotel for eight weeks is a lot. (that’s how long my son is home because they can’t go back next week). Is there an uncle or aunt he can stay with?

[Anonymous]

If you are going to do that, just rent him a place at the beach until school starts again. Your plan sounds cruel.

[Anonymous]

You should not have sent him away. But, yes, he should be staying home once he's home so not to harsh but I would have made it clear before he went.

[Anonymous]

A negative result from a PCR test would satisfy me if he was careful the entire time after testing and before arriving at home. I read that a negative result on a rapid test has a 50 percent error rate (think Elon Musk and his 4 results: 2+, 2-). Please correct me if I don't have the latest info on rapid tests, though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a bit harsh. I would have him test and then come home once negative.

Can you divide the house? Son gets the basement and grandma stays upstairs?

What’s the alternative? Sitting in a hotel for eight weeks is a lot. (that’s how long my son is home because they can’t go back next week). Is there an uncle or aunt he can stay with?

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was following the testing thread for students getting tested. My very elderly mother lives with us so I have told my son he can’t come home for Thanksgiving. His school is closing until the new year so I was planning on putting him in a hotel until mid December just in case then let him home for Christmas. We are disagreeing though about his ability to leave the house once he gets home. We are strictly quarantining. No grocery stores, no restaurants, no nothing. My DS is an only child so we aren’t dealing with small children at home that need to get out. He said he doesn’t want to adhere to the stay at home rules so I am thinking of just telling him to figure out what he wants to do on his own. He is 20 so not a child. Am I too harsh?

No, you are not harsh given your circumstances. But maybe help him a bit to think of alternatives for himself. He needs to learn to take some responsibility here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are a bit harsh. I would have him test and then come home once negative.

Can you divide the house? Son gets the basement and grandma stays upstairs?

What’s the alternative? Sitting in a hotel for eight weeks is a lot. (that’s how long my son is home because they can’t go back next week). Is there an uncle or aunt he can stay with?

Nope. OP says her son refuses to follow her rules, which she has put in place to protect her family during a pandemic. What good would a negative test do, if he won't stay at home and continually goes out and brings home risk?

As a college-aged adult, act like a spoiled toddler, you don't get to come home.

[Anonymous]

OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Yeah I wouldn’t be okay with that. If he comes, he follows the house rules which are basically quarantining. If he can’t promise to do that, he stay where he is. But I wouldn’t be angry with him - no one would quarantine if they had a choice so I don’t think it is bad if he prefers relative freedom in Indiana.

[Anonymous]

If he comes home, he has to stay put. That's the rule, or he stays at his college apartment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

[Anonymous]

First, I am confused by your hotel plan. I am not sure that will work. First, hotels carry some risks. Second, How will you know whether he is quarantining or not?

Your son is twenty. He is an adult. You have no obligation to house him. He is not entitled to endanger the lives of you and your elderly parents. He is being very selfish. I would give him the option of coming home only if tests negative before coming home, stays in the basement or garage for fourteen days after coming home, and gets tested on day eight or nine after coming home and tests negative. On day 14 he can come into the rest of the house BUT ONLY if he agrees to stay in the yard or house for the rest of his vacation (if you allow him to take walks alone he might go see friends behind your back).

If he does not want to do that, he can stay somewhere else and see you guys later. He is being really selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

This sounds like the best solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

No, I don't think she can trust him to behave responsibly when out of her sight given his reaction.

OP, I agree he should just stay in Indiana. He is 20. He is an adult.