Anyone not letting college students come home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

Not to be morbid but my mother wouldn’t make it through an illness at this point. Her mind is sharp but her body is failing (which is torturous to see as a daughter, but I digress). I can’t have my son out hanging in a backyard and bring home a cold which contributes to her demise. Like I said, morbid, but she is old and lived a great life. I guess I am trying to protect him too. Ugh, the sandwich generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

This sounds like the best solution.

I agree. He is not longer in your household. Do a zoom Christmas.

[Anonymous]

He's an adult with apartment. Follow rules at home or stay at the apartment. It's not that he will be homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

Not to be morbid but my mother wouldn’t make it through an illness at this point. Her mind is sharp but her body is failing (which is torturous to see as a daughter, but I digress). I can’t have my son out hanging in a backyard and bring home a cold which contributes to her demise. Like I said, morbid, but she is old and lived a great life. I guess I am trying to protect him too. Ugh, the sandwich generation.

Sounds excessive if you don’t even want him to bring home a cold. I believe it is important to balance everyone’s needs. I would let him come home but tell him to only socialize outdoors and with a limited friend group. Don’t you want to spend time with him?

[Anonymous]

Told 1st year grad student not to come home this year. Showed her COVID new cases/day graphs and she agreed that travel looked like a dumb idea. Lives off campus so dorm/cafeteria closures aren’t an issue.

[Anonymous]

How does your mother feel? Does she want to see her grandson? Seems like she should have a say in this too.

[Anonymous]

If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

Not to be morbid but my mother wouldn’t make it through an illness at this point. Her mind is sharp but her body is failing (which is torturous to see as a daughter, but I digress). I can’t have my son out hanging in a backyard and bring home a cold which contributes to her demise. Like I said, morbid, but she is old and lived a great life. I guess I am trying to protect him too. Ugh, the sandwich generation.

Since he has his own apartment in Indiana, let him stay there and zoom for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?

Normal parental pressure to have everyone home for the holidays? All his roommates are leaving for home and we obviously live out of state. He seems open to staying but I just feel guilty he will wake up Christmas morning alone. (I know, I know we are still 6 weeks away.)

I would say less drama than mom- guilt.

My mother is deferring to me on this and my DH doesn’t care. So it appears to just be my problem that I am blowing out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

Not to be morbid but my mother wouldn’t make it through an illness at this point. Her mind is sharp but her body is failing (which is torturous to see as a daughter, but I digress). I can’t have my son out hanging in a backyard and bring home a cold which contributes to her demise. Like I said, morbid, but she is old and lived a great life. I guess I am trying to protect him too. Ugh, the sandwich generation.

Sounds excessive if you don’t even want him to bring home a cold. I believe it is important to balance everyone’s needs. I would let him come home but tell him to only socialize outdoors and with a limited friend group. Don’t you want to spend time with him?

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back. Our biggest issue is that he wants to come and go when he gets home. We don’t have a basement (ranch style home) so it would be hard to keep him and his grandmother completely separate. He has an apartment in his college town (where he has had in person classes). I’m leaning towards just telling him to stay in Indiana until classes restart. He can do what he wants and I don’t have to worry about my mother being exposed.

Does he want to come home? I'm not sure why it would be necessary for him to stay home completely if he came back, so long as he took proper precautions. I'd say no bars, restaurants, or going in friends' houses, but if he's willing to socialize only outside and with a mask this seems low risk.

Not to be morbid but my mother wouldn’t make it through an illness at this point. Her mind is sharp but her body is failing (which is torturous to see as a daughter, but I digress). I can’t have my son out hanging in a backyard and bring home a cold which contributes to her demise. Like I said, morbid, but she is old and lived a great life. I guess I am trying to protect him too. Ugh, the sandwich generation.

Sounds excessive if you don’t even want him to bring home a cold. I believe it is important to balance everyone’s needs. I would let him come home but tell him to only socialize outdoors and with a limited friend group. Don’t you want to spend time with him?

Yeah, that's not excessive. If her mom is that frail, this situation will not persist for very long. One or two missed holidays in it do not rise to the level of failing to balance everyone's needs.

[Anonymous]

20 with an apartment is different than 19 in a closed dorm. It sounds like he will be fine. I missed going home many/most holidays when I was his age. I had my own holidays with close friends. Sometimes I was invited other places for holiday dinner, but usually I stayed home and worked. It will be fine. Send him a nice holiday food basket or money, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?

Normal parental pressure to have everyone home for the holidays? All his roommates are leaving for home and we obviously live out of state. He seems open to staying but I just feel guilty he will wake up Christmas morning alone. (I know, I know we are still 6 weeks away.)

I would say less drama than mom- guilt.

My mother is deferring to me on this and my DH doesn’t care. So it appears to just be my problem that I am blowing out of proportion.

You're really overthinking this. He's 20 and he'll be fine alone. What's the point of also paying for a hotel for him? That makes no sense. Your son also sounds irresponsible and selfish if he can't follow the rules to ensure his grandmother doesn't literally risk her life. You've raised a brat and I am not surprised he won't follow your rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has an apartment, he stays there. Why the drama?

Normal parental pressure to have everyone home for the holidays? All his roommates are leaving for home and we obviously live out of state. He seems open to staying but I just feel guilty he will wake up Christmas morning alone. (I know, I know we are still 6 weeks away.)

I would say less drama than mom- guilt.

My mother is deferring to me on this and my DH doesn’t care. So it appears to just be my problem that I am blowing out of proportion.

You're really overthinking this. He's 20 and he'll be fine alone. What's the point of also paying for a hotel for him? That makes no sense. Your son also sounds irresponsible and selfish if he can't follow the rules to ensure his grandmother doesn't literally risk her life. You've raised a brat and I am not surprised he won't follow your rules.

Must you really carry on with name calling? It’s tiresome.

[Anonymous]

My 20 year old has apt and coming home Wed. She lives off campus and entire campus and off campus clearing out. It is a college town so will be empty.

Maybe spring for antibody testing, he might if had it already