Ex won’t supervise 15 yo dd with boyfriend

[Anonymous]

DD is 15 1/2 and has her first real boyfriend.

The boy is always welcome at my place but I make it a point to always be home. DD is not allowed to be alone with him in the house. She knows this and respects this. DD is a smart kid but is also impulsive, doesn’t always make great decisions and can be deceptive to get what she wants. She also prefers situations where there is less supervision.

Evidently, my ex doesn’t feel the same way. My other DD (who lives 95% of time with me rather than ex) went to ex’s house last night and reports Ex was out and boyfriend and her sister were there alone.

I know I cannot dictate how the ex parents and have had frank conversations with DD about sex and pregnancy, etc. Ex never believes DD can do anything wrong, despite some poor choices in the past. I guess I have little choice but to trust but it bugs me and I am concerned. Not so much about sex but by DD being consumed by the relationship to the point where she is not keeping up with school and eschewing other friends and prioritizing the boyfriend above all other things.

Anyhoo.

[Anonymous]

You won’t run out to get takeout if your 15 yo has a boyfriend over?

Or you don’t go out for the night?

The 1st seems unreasonable... the 2nd reasonable.

But you can’t control your ex’s rules so you need to talk to your daughters.

[Anonymous]

I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 15 1/2 and has her first real boyfriend.

The boy is always welcome at my place but I make it a point to always be home. DD is not allowed to be alone with him in the house. She knows this and respects this. DD is a smart kid but is also impulsive, doesn’t always make great decisions and can be deceptive to get what she wants. She also prefers situations where there is less supervision.

Evidently, my ex doesn’t feel the same way. My other DD (who lives 95% of time with me rather than ex) went to ex’s house last night and reports Ex was out and boyfriend and her sister were there alone.

I know I cannot dictate how the ex parents and have had frank conversations with DD about sex and pregnancy, etc. Ex never believes DD can do anything wrong, despite some poor choices in the past. I guess I have little choice but to trust but it bugs me and I am concerned. Not so much about sex but by DD being consumed by the relationship to the point where she is not keeping up with school and eschewing other friends and prioritizing the boyfriend above all other things.

Anyhoo.

I don't think supervision or not really goes to those things that you say concern you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You won’t run out to get takeout if your 15 yo has a boyfriend over?

Or you don’t go out for the night?

The 1st seems unreasonable... the 2nd reasonable.

But you can’t control your ex’s rules so you need to talk to your daughters.

No, we don’t do takeout generally. I cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t run out to get takeout if your 15 yo has a boyfriend over?

Or you don’t go out for the night?

The 1st seems unreasonable... the 2nd reasonable.

But you can’t control your ex’s rules so you need to talk to your daughters.

No, we don’t do takeout generally. I cook.

LOL, not PP, but you are being very specific. I think PP was talking about any quick errand vs. going out for the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You won’t run out to get takeout if your 15 yo has a boyfriend over?

Or you don’t go out for the night?

The 1st seems unreasonable... the 2nd reasonable.

But you can’t control your ex’s rules so you need to talk to your daughters.

No, we don’t do takeout generally. I cook.

LOL, not PP, but you are being very specific. I think PP was talking about any quick errand vs. going out for the evening.

No, I don’t typically need to run quick errands when my children’s friends are here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

I'd also make sure she's on birth control and has access to condoms. The best way to prevent abortion is to prevent the pregnancy all together.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. Is your DD on birth control is the only thing you should worry about at this point.

You can talk to her about not being able to hang out with her boyfriend if school work is not done, but they will do what they want to do no matter how much you think you supervise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion.

Her choice? Yours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

you better hope DD agrees. It isn't like you can force her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion.

Her choice? Yours?

She is 15. She doesn’t get a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

you better hope DD agrees. It isn't like you can force her

Of course I can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

I'm as pro-choice as they come, and this is a truly horrifying statement. You can encourage and educate her on this all you want, but it is her body and her choice at the end of the day. Coercing her (towards either decision) is morally bankrupt.