Ex won’t supervise 15 yo dd with boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

I'm as pro-choice as they come, and this is a truly horrifying statement. You can encourage and educate her on this all you want, but it is her body and her choice at the end of the day. Coercing her (towards either decision) is morally bankrupt.

No it isn’t. She is 15. She will do what I say. I am not raising another child.

You've got serious control issues. No wonder you're divorced. Ride your daughter too hard, she might go to the courts and ask to move in with her father. I wouldn't blame her.

What the hell? I AM her father. Why would you assume I was a mother? What is WRONG with you?

I'm not the pp, but I've never known a man to use "anyhoo" and primary custody tends to go to moms, so it's not outrageous to assume. It's even worse if you are a man threatening to force your child to have an abortion. The level of control you are trying to exert over your daughter will harm her in relationships.

Anyhoo was a typo.

And the ex doesn’t have primary custody. It’s 50/50 and I have primary custody of the older child at the older child’s request.

[Anonymous]

Although I am with the father on this post, I will say a 15 year old cannot be forced to have an abortion.

in 8th grade one of the school's top students became pregnant at 13. Her grandparents ( guardians) took her to have an abortion. She refused and the clinic was not allowed to force her -- and this was in the 70s. in 9th grade at age 14 (she gave birth at 14) she brought the baby to school to show off. Believe me, none of us ever will forget that! this was in middle school -- our system had middle school grades 7-9.

Today she is a professor of anthropology, specializing in women and their autonomy around the world.

Get your kid on birth control, OP. I got on it at 15 myself.

[Anonymous]

OP is big yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Also, I would not give up on talking to your ex. Just because ultimately you can't control the outcome, doesn't mean you should stop parenting. Talk to your ex, explain your rationale and tell your kid you did that. You should still try to parent and keep talking about the issue, even if your opinion is ignored. Kids actually want to be parented.

-mom of 16 year old and 18 year old

[Anonymous]

I also think it's truly horrifying that you think you'll force your daughter to have an abortion if she gets pregnant. No words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

I'm as pro-choice as they come, and this is a truly horrifying statement. You can encourage and educate her on this all you want, but it is her body and her choice at the end of the day. Coercing her (towards either decision) is morally bankrupt.

No it isn’t. She is 15. She will do what I say. I am not raising another child.

You've got serious control issues. No wonder you're divorced. Ride your daughter too hard, she might go to the courts and ask to move in with her father. I wouldn't blame her.

What the hell? I AM her father. Why would you assume I was a mother? What is WRONG with you?

I'm not the pp, but I've never known a man to use "anyhoo" and primary custody tends to go to moms, so it's not outrageous to assume. It's even worse if you are a man threatening to force your child to have an abortion. The level of control you are trying to exert over your daughter will harm her in relationships.

Anyhoo was a typo.

And the ex doesn’t have primary custody. It’s 50/50 and I have primary custody of the older child at the older child’s request.

Sure, buddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

you better hope DD agrees. It isn't like you can force her

Of course I can.

Hopefully, you're exaggerating because you feel frustrated, OP. I am strongly pro-choice and that means CHOICE-even for teens who are too young or for women who are likely to be not great parents. If you did actually force your child to have an abortion you could really mess her up. If you are that oppressive as a parent, I can see why her Dad doesn't want to go along with your rules and your daughter is sneaky with you.

Op here. No, you are wrong.

First, as I have stated, I am her dad. I don’t have any idea why people keep assuming I am the mother. It is the mother who is leaving them alone.

Second, a 15 yo doesn’t have a “choice” in this instance. Because her “choice” affects others, namely me and my ex-wife, who would be affected by having to effectively care and support the child.

And for those who asked, no, the boyfriend or his parents would get no say at all in this. They wouldn’t even be part of any discussion, let alone any decisions.

For the record, my ex-wife would support the abortion too.

To the PP who said she never had sex with her boyfriend despite opportunities— good to hear and I like to think I raised my daughter to be smart enough that way. And she may be the same. But I do worry about her impulsive nature, which has long been an issue in other areas.

Okay, OP. You're clearly pissed at the answers you're receiving here about how it would be inappropriate and abusive to require your daughter to get an abortion she does not want. If you cannot understand why, please reverse the scenario and tell me if you think it would be right to force her to continue a pregnancy she does not want. Even though she is a minor, no provider is going to force her to have an abortion. If she does not consent, it won't happen regardless of what you say. Getting all up in arms about this is premature and unnecessary. Instead of flipping out about an abortion, maybe channel that energy into encouraging your daughter to get on a long-term form of birth control such as an IUD or an implant. Make sure that she has access to condoms if she needs them.

Most importantly, if you want your child to make good choices in intimate relationships, you have to talk to her. You have a great opportunity as her father to teach her about what respectful, loving relationships look like (hint: forcing her to get an abortion is the opposite of that and you KNOW if her boyfriend or his parents were the ones insisting on it, you'd be shouting about how your child has the right to make her own decisions about her body)). Encourage her to be confident in setting limits that she is comfortable with. Not all 15yo girls who are "in love" for the first time want to immediately start having sex. The PP above did not. I also did not - I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17 and before that had 3 boyfriends who wanted to have sex but respected that I was not ready.

Your hardline attitude about the abortion precludes any kind of constructive conversation about intimate relationships, respect, and precautions. Those conversations are so much more important, in both the long term and the short term. If you are not confident that your ex-wife can handle getting your daughter to a gynecologist and getting some reliable birth control, there is nothing stopping you from making an appointment. If you need recommendations, I'm sure someone on this board can provide them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd talk to your DD and her boyfriend, together. Acknowledge that you have no control, and that this is just one of the unfortunate outcomes of divorce. But tell them what you expect from them, and what you would like, and why.

Good idea.

DD already knows if she gets pregnant, she WILL have an abortion. I think the boy’s family is anti-abortion, so that would be interesting. It isn’t like they would get a say in anything.

Just get her an IUD. Or get BCP for "skin care" if you don't like the IUD route.

-Someone who survived a really rough teenager but is also not a grandma