Googled Date

[Anonymous]

I went out with a guy and we had an amazing time. He is looking to date someone seriously that will hopefully lead to marriage. As a result, we had some pretty deep convo for a first date. After the date I googled him. I found an article where he got into some serious legal trouble and was arrested (don't want to say for what), but something I consider pretty serious. He currently has a job (verified) that I know he couldn't have if he were found guilty of the charges so I assumed they were eventually dropped. How would you approach this? Just be done? Ask about it?

[Anonymous]

Marry him and report back

[Anonymous]

OP You're too vague. Provide context or move on.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to share here but it does depend on what the charges are to a large extent.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it was him? Could be someone with the same name. I have an unusual name, but used to live 20 miles from someone who shared it. If you googled me back then, you’d easily have confused us.

I’d keep quiet and see if it comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it was him? Could be someone with the same name. I have an unusual name, but used to live 20 miles from someone who shared it. If you googled me back then, you’d easily have confused us.

I’d keep quiet and see if it comes up.

It was him for sure. The article had his mugshot.

[Anonymous]

You're not going to get past this unless you ask, so just ask. He should be open about it, and if he's not, cut your losses. After learning some stuff a few dates in with a guy I was dating a while back, I learned my lesson and have started Googling right away. I don't go crazy with the Google, but I think it's perfectly acceptable to do a bit of a check on people before we date them in this day and age. I have kids too, so that makes it even more important in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go on a second date. Red flag.

[Anonymous]

I think you might need to give more details: involving violence, finance, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you might need to give more details: involving violence, finance, etc.

what is a serious enough crime to merit a news article and put future employment at risk but isn't a relationship ender?

[Anonymous]

I’d be done. There are too many good people out there to waste your time on a dud.

I’d also be concerned about how he’s pushing for marriage and had a “deep” conversation....I’ve noticed men like that tend to try to lock you down quick because they have issues.

[Anonymous]

Need to know the type of crime.

I know someone that had pretty serious federal charges because he became the fall guy for a larger corp crime. He kept his mouth shut during initial arrest and questioning. He had noticed some suspicious activity and kept some notes and copied of correspondence that clearly implicated someone higher up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be done. There are too many good people out there to waste your time on a dud.

I’d also be concerned about how he’s pushing for marriage and had a “deep” conversation....I’ve noticed men like that tend to try to lock you down quick because they have issues.

Very BPD trait, super attentive early on. As are anger issues which could have been part of the arrest.

I would just walk, unless you want to post the crime and we’ll evaluate. But you don’t want to antagonize a possible felon with a personality disorder.

[Anonymous]

Listen, googling your date is dating 101. So this dude has to know it could come up. So he should have put it out there early. He probably figures since you didn’t Google him BEFORE the date (what most people do) he’s in the clear. Shady all around. I mean even if it wasn’t him I would have broached the topic if it comes up THAT easily.

[Anonymous]

Being accused and charged with something isn't the same as being convicted. If he was found not guilty, clearly he either didn't do it or the prosecution did a really shitty job. Why not just ask him about it? I think it's worth a conversation before you decide how to proceed.