The various types of DCUM posters

[Anonymous]

Here are some of my favorites.

The Identifier.
This type of poster tries to call out other posters by name -"Amy, is that you?" Or after a heated thread, starts to try to identify his or her opponent - "I recognize that person's writing style!" Or even better, accuses people of being responsible for other posts on different threads based entirely on his or her analysis of the writing style.

The Diagnoser.
This type of poster likes to slap psychological and medical labels on other posters. Often he or she will accuse others of being depressed, psychotic, having autistic children, or having some other social disorder.

The Psychic Powers Poster.
A close relative of The Diagnoser is the Psychic Powers Poster. This type of poster seems to believe he or she can tell all sorts of personal information from reading just one or two anonymous posts. Recent examples of this include assuming people didn't shovel any snow because they disagree with the space-saving tactics of others, accusing people of living in condos because they don't complain about shoveling show, or assuming to know a person's marital status, income, political leaning, or child rearing philosophy.

The Breast Feeding Nazis.
These posters appear incapable of having a civil conversation about bottle feeding, and often even attack other breastfeeders for not being good enough. Some of the more militant ones berate adoptive moms for not getting hormone therapy to promote lactation.

The Thiser.
This poster is relatively quiet, doesn't really engage in debates, and just contributes an occasional "this" to demonstrate his/her point.

The Clueless Poster
This poster is someone who doesn't appear to frequent these boards because he or she will pop in and ask a seemingly harmless question like "What kind of ice cream do you feed your toddlers?" only to get hammered by a million outraged posters who would never, ever dare feed their darling children toxic, rat-poison-filled fatty cream substances. You wince when you see this because you just know the Clueless Poster is going to have a bad, bad experience.

I'm sure I'm missing a bunch. What is your favorite type of poster?

[Anonymous]

You're only writing this because you are the psychotic poster from the other thread who obviously lives in a condo and didn't shovel your snow, trying to attack other people after they attacked you. I understand you are doing this because you feel insecure about being a SAHM and not EBF, but put your insecurities aside and stop attacking posters that just want to help you. Either that or go focus on your marriage, it clearly has a lot of issues to be resolved, like your OCD over labeling everything and everyone. After you do that, make a little effort and try to BF your baby again. It's the least you can do for the life you put in this world.

[Anonymous]

You're only writing this because you are the psychotic poster from the other thread who obviously lives in a condo and didn't shovel your snow, trying to attack other people after they attacked you. I understand you are doing this because you feel insecure about being a SAHM and not EBF, but put your insecurities aside and stop attacking posters that just want to help you. Either that or go focus on your marriage, it clearly has a lot of issues to be resolved, like your OCD over labeling everything and everyone. After you do that, make a little effort and try to BF your baby again. It's the least you can do for the life you put in this world.

OP here. LOVE IT!!!

I also forgot the "Excessive Profanity Poster." This poster tries to win arguments by being using more profanity and better insults than everyone else in a thread. Nasty bitch, go back to your fucking cave!

[Anonymous]

I love the Psychic Powers Poster.

Frankly, I find BFing Nazi is largely a myth - I've seen militant BFers on other boards, but here? No. As often as not, you express ANY degree of support for BFing and you get slapped with the "Nazi" label, which I find inappropriate for a number of people.

But just to show there are no hard feelings, I'll throw in a few.

The Sympathizer
She feels, she really FEELS for your children, and is so, so sorry they have you for a mother.

Bitter Nanny
She wants the job, mind you, but can't believe you don't quit your job and "parent your children full time." She's also appalled she doesn't get unlimited sick days, is asked to perform light housekeeping, and doesn't make as much as you.

The Overreacter
This poster LOSES HER MIND over the slightest difference of opinion. "You co-sleep? Goddamn hippie piece of shit. You are pathetic. Better buy a king size bed now - those kids will sleep with you 'til you DIE. What's WRONG WITH YOU. ZOMG!!!11!one!!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the Psychic Powers Poster.

Frankly, I find BFing Nazi is largely a myth - I've seen militant BFers on other boards, but here? No. As often as not, you express ANY degree of support for BFing and you get slapped with the "Nazi" label, which I find inappropriate for a number of people.

But just to show there are no hard feelings, I'll throw in a few.

The Sympathizer
She feels, she really FEELS for your children, and is so, so sorry they have you for a mother.

Bitter Nanny
She wants the job, mind you, but can't believe you don't quit your job and "parent your children full time." She's also appalled she doesn't get unlimited sick days, is asked to perform light housekeeping, and doesn't make as much as you.

The Overreacter
This poster LOSES HER MIND over the slightest difference of opinion. "You co-sleep? Goddamn hippie piece of shit. You are pathetic. Better buy a king size bed now - those kids will sleep with you 'til you DIE. What's WRONG WITH YOU. ZOMG!!!11!one!!"

Meant to say "reasons."

[Anonymous]

"Bitter Nanny
She wants the job, mind you, but can't believe you don't quit your job and "parent your children full time." She's also appalled she doesn't get unlimited sick days, is asked to perform light housekeeping, and doesn't make as much as you."

AWESOME.

[Anonymous]

LOVE your definition of The Overreacter. Good call on the Bitter Nanny one, too. We probably need a label for the few crazy providers on the Daycare forum, who seem to hate all parents and think it is an abuse of their position with parents bring kids to daycare if they are going somewhere other than work for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

What about "Little Ms. Hugs to You, OP" -- who offers little in the way of advice, but lots of empathy.

Then there is the "Sorry, English is Not My First Language Poster" who feels it necessary to apologize for being able to speak at least one other language and usually manages to make pretty cogent points despite the imagined language barrier.

[Anonymous]

and?

[Anonymous]

The CAVEAT-ER:

Example: "How many bottles should I send with my baby to daycare? (I'm a single mom who is the sole income provider, so I have to work.)"

Example: "What kind of formula doesn't cause gas?" (I can't breastfeed because my nipples were disfigured in an accident.)

Example: "Here's an idea for a rainy day: let your kids play with water in the kitchen sink (supervised, of course)."

[Anonymous]

I love the bitter nanny and the excessive profanity poster and I have seen them combined a number of times.
But to play devil's advocate, there is also the Nanny Exploiter: the one that has a nanny working 60h/week, pays $8/h and thinks it's too much, has her nanny run errands for her, do heavy cleaning, cooking, parents laundry... Not only that, but she thinks the nanny is trying to take advantage of her by asking to be paid for overtime and believe it's obvious that the nanny is just jealous of her and has a crush on her husband.

[Anonymous]

believeS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about "Little Ms. Hugs to You, OP" -- who offers little in the way of advice, but lots of empathy.

Then there is the "Sorry, English is Not My First Language Poster" who feels it necessary to apologize for being able to speak at least one other language and usually manages to make pretty cogent points despite the imagined language barrier.

Yes - Ms. Congeniality really gets on my nerves too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about "Little Ms. Hugs to You, OP" -- who offers little in the way of advice, but lots of empathy.

Then there is the "Sorry, English is Not My First Language Poster" who feels it necessary to apologize for being able to speak at least one other language and usually manages to make pretty cogent points despite the imagined language barrier.

Yes - Ms. Congeniality really gets on my nerves too.

I fell for you, PP. This people can be quite annoying. Hugs to you and I hope your day gets better.

[Anonymous]

How about the poster who takes up an entire page posting an article/quote/scientific research from their google search.
According to the XXX Association...you shouldn't give your toddler coffee. According to XXX Association newborns cry (surprise!). According to XXX...if you take your newborn outside before the age of 21 years old he/she may get a runny nose.