Asian-American boys, basketball and coaches

[Anonymous]

BIL has three kids and the youngest is adopted from an Asian country. All three play a lot of sports. We visited with his family this weekend and watched a few games because that is all BIL's family does on the weekend. They live a few hours away so not in the DC area. His youngest son was playing basketball. I noticed his coach mocking how he shot a ball. It wasn't in a really mean way but if this had happened in our area it would have certainly raised eyebrows and parents would have turned to each other and said something like, "What is he (the coach) doing?"

BIL said this has happened more than a few times with this coach and another coach for a different sport for his youngest son but not his other children and had wondered about it.

I suggested he say something to the coaches and he agreed, but neither of us know of a delicate way to bring this up and what exactly we would say. The child looks like a normal kid and he moves like a normal kid. Solid player, probably in the middle for skill on his travel basketball team. Only Asian kid on the team.

But somehow these coaches think that when he plays sports it's funny. Can anyone provide advice? If you think this is not a big deal and normal please tell me. It made me uncomfortable but would you think this is okay?

[Anonymous]

You traveled and took your kids to watch indoor basketball games?

[Anonymous]

I think that it's good that you and your BIL are concerned about this. It's not OK for the coach to be mocking how the kid is shooting a ball. Providing constructive feedback is OK, obviously, but that's not what you're describing.

Although this wouldn't make it OK, is it possible that this is how the coach and the different coach who this happened with speak to all of the kids on the team?

Depending on the kid's age, would it be possible for him to speak to the coach himself? If the coach's behavior continues or the kid faces any sort of retaliation from the coach, your BIL could say something to the coach or to the administration at the club.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You traveled and took your kids to watch indoor basketball games?

PP. I didn't think about this the first time that I read this post.

[Anonymous]

So the coach says "you look funny when you shoot the ball"?
Mocks him? Just silently laughs?
It's hard to understand what's going on without more specific examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You traveled and took your kids to watch indoor basketball games?

It was outdoors, and we drove.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the coach says "you look funny when you shoot the ball"?
Mocks him? Just silently laughs?
It's hard to understand what's going on without more specific examples.

He was imitating how he shot the ball and laughing and crinkling his face to make an expression he thought mirrored the child's when he was shooting. I didn't think there was anything funny about how the shot the ball. It looked like a regular kid shooting a basketball. All kids have a concentration face or a game face but I guess he thought the kid's face was funny? I really didn't get it.

BIL asked his son about it later, and he said it was not accompanied by feedback. One thought we had was that maybe the coach was trying to show him something he did wrong in his technique, but it was just laughing.

He's in HS so agree it would probably be best if his son addresses it although I'm not sure his son sees any issue. Maybe there isn't any issue. Maybe it's just me.

[Anonymous]

BIL says he's never seen this coach mock other kids, or tease them. Just this one child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the coach says "you look funny when you shoot the ball"?
Mocks him? Just silently laughs?
It's hard to understand what's going on without more specific examples.

He was imitating how he shot the ball and laughing and crinkling his face to make an expression he thought mirrored the child's when he was shooting. I didn't think there was anything funny about how the shot the ball. It looked like a regular kid shooting a basketball. All kids have a concentration face or a game face but I guess he thought the kid's face was funny? I really didn't get it.

BIL asked his son about it later, and he said it was not accompanied by feedback. One thought we had was that maybe the coach was trying to show him something he did wrong in his technique, but it was just laughing.

He's in HS so agree it would probably be best if his son addresses it although I'm not sure his son sees any issue. Maybe there isn't any issue. Maybe it's just me.

With travel, your nephew's best option might be to find a different team. Switching teams is pretty common.

[Anonymous]

I think BIL should say something to the coach. "I noticed you imitating my son shooting a basket, and it made me a little uncomfortable, almost like you were mocking him. I may be misinterpreting what I saw, but I thought I should say something to you." Use a non-accusatory tone. It allows the coach to deny ill-intent but puts him on notice that it's been observed and is not okay. Coach may not even realize what he's doing or how it appears.

[Anonymous]

Where are they playing travel basketball outdoors?

[Anonymous]

NP. Many travel teams are playing outdoors in the DMV. They are mostly scrimmages/local games but I know big travel tournaments ran during the summer.

[Anonymous]

^^^ Big tournaments ran in other parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:BIL says he's never seen this coach mock other kids, or tease them. Just this one child.

And he is just wondering if he should say something? For God's sake, of course he needs to say something. Fight for your kid, for Pete's sake.

And your BIL had better start learning quickly about racism before the child is subjected further.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are they playing travel basketball outdoors?

um, they're playing indoors at St. James right now?