Sex vs. Gender & Teens
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Anonymous
| My 14 yo DD just shared that a friend has come out as "non-binary". She then went on to explain the difference between biological sex and gender identity, including the sliding scale of identity. She shared that non-binary is not on the scale. I'm still slightly confused by this last point, but I told her that you can't judge people by how they feel. She explained why people are adding she/her, she/they, etc. to their profiles on-line. Her friend has a new name to be used by only those who are in the know. And, my DD will use the old name around this person in front of me because the person has only come out to a handful of trusted friends. As a trusted friend my DD is not sharing this person's identity with me. I'm grateful for DD sharing this with me, but I'm also a bit stunned. These kids are 14... I'm trying to e open minded... but... Thoughts? |
Anonymous
| Personally, I think all this is just trendy whacko crap. |
Anonymous
| I think there were always folks who felt out of place in their assigned sex and are now finding the words and acceptance to be public about it, and that is a good thing. I think there were probably always people who, given the language and acceptance would have considered whether their gender and sex differed, but after some time thinking about it and discussing with trusted friends, ultimately would decide it didn't. It seems like your kid's friend is cautiously exploring identity and doesn't want to make that too public, which is mature and reasonable. And it sounds like your kid is a trusted friend, and that she trusts you. So these are all good things. Your kid and her friend are literally not asking you to do anything--not change the name or pronouns you call the friend, nor do anything else. So be happy you raised a kid who is liked by her friends and likes you enough to share new and interesting things about her life with you, and find something different to worry about. |
Anonymous
Teenage girls were full of drama in the 90s and they're full of drama now. It's just the source has changed. Source: i worked in a high school for 5 years. All girls. Drama drama drama. |
Anonymous
Agree. Twenty/thirty years from now they’ll be as embarrassed as we are now about the things we did as teenagers. |
Anonymous
| My 12 year old has 10 Transgender children in her middle school, and they are in her classes and clubs so there is regular interaction. The kids ask to be called they/them. My kid is polite so tries to oblige, but sometimes forgets. It’s a little cumbersome to say, and not easy for children to remember. |
Anonymous
|
I think it’s so weird that our generation so desperately needs to label people or dismiss that label we grew up with are stupid
It’s not a stage, it’s been going on for eons with different labels... androgynous, Tom boy, etc. The only thing changing is the label. You daughter has a friend that doesn’t fit into the role that society has assigned that person based on their genitalia. BFD! |
Anonymous
Agree. Can you imagine all of that work and heavy social / mental load so you could be trendy? Let them just be. Be encouraged that humans can be accepted more for who they really are now. Be happy your daughter trusts you and talks with you about her life. Using preferred pronouns in signatures at work is becoming far more common, by all. It’s change- it’s empathy, understanding that we are all humans and maybe we can make it a better and happier place to exist for our fellow humans. |
Anonymous
I don't want to be flippant about this, but it is "all the rage" with the teen/tweens. Here's another thread on it: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/855385.page My almost 14 year old just told me about the same thing yours told you. The topic is common and constant. And it's not just this area. A friend of mine from across the country said her sister is dealing with the same issue with her niece. I responded to another post on this with what our approach is - we listen and are respectful, sometimes we joke, not in a mean way, but just to keep the discussion from becoming too serious. On the thread I linked there's this comment: "For girls, it’s replaced the cutting and anorexia of past decades as a way of dealing with the pain and anxiety of puberty." I believe this pretty much 100%, which isn't to say that a few of these kids may permanently transition, but I think it's more of a way to deal with their changing bodies and feelings. We also emphasize that we think these decisions are serious, that transgenderism is not something we have a lot of experience with b/c it was not common in our (meaning us as parents) experience, and that we are supportive. I've had one experience with my child where we had to kind of reason through that any decision like this is a process, and it's ok to be serious and continue, but it's also ok to decide it's not the right path. |
Anonymous
Beg to disagree. If this had been available to me as a teen, I would have loved it. These kids may stick with their approach as they grow old. They may not. That's part of growing up. Why do you friggin' care whether they think the same thing in 30 years? Are you going to be there to click your tongue and said "I told you so"? |
Anonymous
I agree that it's trendy, and also that it's wonderful that kids can safely identify this way now. Really, the best approach with teens about most things is to listen to their perspective respect them as individuals. So as the immediate PP suggested, whether it's "real" or not doesn't really matter unless it's your kids and they want surgery or hormone treatment , in which case you need to do your homework before making irreversible decisions/ |
Anonymous
| Okay, so maybe it's a way to deal with the pain and anxiety of growing up ... or maybe not having the freedom to express sex/gender identity is a huge CAUSE of the pain/anxiety of growing up. |
Anonymous
| "give me attention, give me attention!" |
Anonymous
| Seeking to challenge norms - but still doing so within the currently acceptable parameters around the issue. In the ‘90s, my friends and I dressed like guys, stuffed our faces (didn’t care about weight), didn’t wear makeup, and brutally made fun of cheerleader types, trying to (I realize now) challenge gender norms. |
Anonymous
+1 |